BPDFamily.com

Have you told your therapist about bpdfamily?

Do you ever discuss what you read here?

I haven't told her, and I won't mainly because it plays no role in therapy for me.

She knows I post somewhere and that I find it helpful, but has showed no interest further in researching or questioning me about this Board. And I have absolutely no worries about her maintaining patient confidentiality.

Chris

I havent told mine my ID but, I feel that it is in MY best interests to be as open and honest with my T as I am here on the board. I made a deal with myself on the first session, If I was feeling it, I told her, no matter what. I dont want to prejudge anything about myself or my feelings and only allow here to get a censored version of me. I plan on telling her something that happened to me when I was 10 that I have never told a soul, as it may be relevant. A T, with all the info can help you better than one with only parts of the picture. This is my opinion.

I'm sure I will bring it up at some point, but I've only seen my new T once. 

Even when I do tell her, I seriously doubt that she would want to read anything I've posted here. Maybe... .and if she does... .then I'll give her the info she needs to do that.  There shouldn't be anything I've said here that I wouldn't say to her.  If and when I feel differently, I'll find a new T.

Turtle

Yes. I've actually emailed her a link to a thread so she can "catch up" on my situation before our meetings. She doesn't mind, and it saves some time in recounting events during the actual session. We can start right in with analyzing things. In addition, I sometimes get mixed up or ahead of myself in therapy, but if she reads something I've written here, she gets a better feel. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm better at writing than speaking. :P

I told her from the start that I was a Nookie. In fact, it was my friends here who led me to her.

I did feel funny at first--wondered whether she lurked or not, but I got over it. I asked later if she did. She said no, that she wouldn't unless I specifically invited her. I told her it was fine if she did, but then said it was fine if she didn't, too--I didn't want her to feel obligated to read here.

Anyhow, right now it looks like I'm the only one who said Yes. Hmm. Well, all I can say is that it works for me. Alana, if you trust your therapist, I'd recommend it. :)

spam

Spammy, I would tell her if she was interested. Actually, she tells me to not come here as much because I have more productive things to do. But I love you guys, so therefore, I disobey my T on this one subject. i dont think she "gets" it.

I haven't told my therapist yet about my posts on bpdfamily. So far it's been because it hasn't been relevant to what we've talked about. However, some time soon, it will be relevant.

I am hesitant to tell T my username on the board. I think, because I have posted very openly, almost recklessly sometimes, knowing that my true identity is hidden. I'm hesitant to breach that anonymity here. Even though on some level, I want my T to read what I've written here and jump ahead in what she knows about me. (I also realize she has a life, and other patients, and is unlikely to read more than a few of my posts, even if she knew my username.)

Oh, and even though I've only met with my T about 4 times, I have known her in a very peripheral way for 10+ years, and am confident in her abilities and ability to keep my private info. confidential.

Alana

bpdfamily is a haven -- a place to say whatever is on my mind without having uninformed (yet well intentioned) friends look at me like I've eaten too many fruit loops.  They don't understand why I still carry around so much pain when jackass has been gone for 6 years.  They don't know about all the re-engagements, nor do they know about most of the stalking and violence that I endured.  I stopped telling them these things a long time ago, because I could see the pain in their faces and admitting that all of that was happening to me made ME feel crazy.  

Most of the people here get it, as PDQuick says.  They get the hurt, they get the confusion, the self doubt, the self incrimination, and the self examination that goes on.  I only wish I'd had this place six years ago.  I think I would have recovered much quicker.  The recovery that has happened for me since I joined about 6 months ago is far more significant than any recovery I might have made in the 6 years prior to that. Because of what I learned here, I was able to identify the problem and then let it go!  Knowledge is power!

What this board has done for me is to slowly build my faith in people back up.  Even after all this time, I don't have the energy I once had for social things. I was always the life of the party and still am to a degree, but instead of energizing me, it wears me out now. I feel this energy coming back, but I often wonder if it will ever return full force.

I like being able to sit here in my jammies and deal with what's happening inside of me.  I don't have to go to someone's house and chit chat, never saying what's really going on.  Those moments are starting to happen again, but it's been a long time and I am still very wary of people.

I am truly grateful for this place and if my T told me not to come here, I'd disobey too  

Turtle

I haven't been in therapy in quite a while, but I was during my divorce from my ubpxw.

My psychologist was fantastic.  He had been our marraige counsellor the fall before my ex left (well for the few times we went, anyway) so I felt comfortable with him because he already knew so much.
<br/>:)uring my third session with him, I mentioned that I'd joined bpdfamily.

His response was "Oh, that's good.  If you hadn't already, I was going to suggest some"

And that was it.  We never discussed the subject again.

He knew that I had an outlet and a source of support outside of his office.  I'm sure he would have been willing to discuss it (to a point) if I had wanted to, but he wanted to gear our sessions toward me and my recovery and leftover issues, not discuss my ex-wife's issues.
<br/>:)on't get me wrong, he let me vent and such during our first few visits, but he finally said "Bob, you're paying me for this.  If you want to keep talking about why D is the way she is, we can do that, but you'll be wasting your money.  I'd rather talk about you."

That was smart of him and it worked for me.

I had bpdfamily to talk about BPD and I had him to talk about me.

I had my therapist's undevided attention for an hour at a time.  When I was not in his office, I assume he devoted his time to other patients and his family.

I can't imagine he would have even dreamed of looking here to read my posts.  I kind of doubt he would have even if I'd invited him to, unless I felt it was extremely important.

Now, that may not be the case with all therapists, especially if they are personally familiar with bpdfamily on their own as members or frequent lurkers, but it was true of mine.

actually in my case the therapist benefited... .from information found here ... .many therapist are a little hesitant on treating a borderline... .

from what i understand its one of those things they teach them about like for a couple of days... .then onto the really screwed up stuff

tonyc

I guess for me it was just a matter of full disclosure... .if I cannot tell my T everything including anything I may post here or on any other places than I am not being fully honest and thereby comprimising our sessions... .He knows I post and under what name, I don't know if he has ever lurked or checked out the boards... .I would think that from a T's staNPDoint this place would be pretty darn interesting... .heck... .it is interesting... .

for me it is a great substitute to come here, I can only afford a T session every few weeks with finances being what they are... .I'd lose my mind if I could not talk to you guys inbetween... .plus, there is much more of a REAL understanding of life with a BPD... .he can give me the clinical stuff, but, the real stuff is here... .

It was because of my T that I found here.  I am not sure if she reads here.  She'd know it was me from most of my story.  I have no secrets and not one bit embarrassed or ashamed to have her know this is me.


I can share that I have learned so much here and get what I need from here I don't need to see her as often, although I am probably due for a visit with her

Peace4us

Like everyone else this board is a haven for me.  And I am all for honesty but one should always use caution about who you tell.  If you ever have a problem with T or even a q re:T where will you post?  You might fear T will read it and then what.  Just something to consider... .

Good thought, beanie.

Granted, if I had a problem with T, I probably wouldn't post about it here. However, my therapy is so important to me that I certainly wouldn't walk on eggshells with my T, either. I'd be direct and let her know whatever was on my mind.

Best to you,

spam

I have to chime in here guys. If you had a question about the T or for the T, why not ask the T? It is part of our honest insight. Are you afraid of hurting T's feelings, or afraid of what T might think? As far as T's feelings, I'm sure they are trained to detatched feelings, or they would go insane themselves. And their thoughts about you, your question just might give insight into what is going on inside your mind, and may help with their ability to help you. I made myself a couple of promises when I started. First, total honesty, and second, no holds barred. I will ask her and tell her anything.

Good points definitely and please not to imply as mine any differently.  Absolutely ask away - talk away.  Honesty. 

Still, my point is just total anonymity is an option to think about as the other side of the coin.  I always try to remember that some folks read these threads who are in different places and stages.   I also think/know that there are good Ts and bad Ts and even some manipulative Ts exist.  There are prof journal articles on the subject of how over time even with no malice the relationship between T and patient can get sticky and control issues can emerge.  Just the T thinks they know what's best.  Not saying they don't but the client still has to learn to make that decision. 

No doubt though bottom line I am sure we all agree if you can't trust your T get the H out of Dodge. :)

This is an interesting thread!  I have enjoyed reading everyone's perspectives! 

First let me say to everyone that if you are going to a T in the first place, good for you!  Regardless of whether you discuss your involvement with the bpdfamily.com community.

Second, I must trust my T.  That is the foundation of the relationship.  Regardless of how good of a counselor he or she may be, if you as the client do not feel comfortable with them, keep searching for a T you feel you can trust.

Third, I voted that I have told my T about my involvement with this community, but have not given her my ID.  I also have not given my T my email passwords or underwear size.  To me, these things are not a "trust" issue.  Rather they are my personal and private information.  I feel that, for me, acknowledging to my T about being involved here is part of telling her how I am dealing with my situation, where my thoughts and needs rest.  My T wonderfully aids me in keeping perspective within my own personal situation and supports me reaching out.  I have found that several times I get spooked by things I read.  My T, who is knowledgeable about my specific information helps me sort everything out, understanding what may be relevant to me and my situation. 

Most everything I have posted about my situation I have related to my T anyway.  It's just my way of gathering support and information from every source possible.  I might add that if I thought I wanted my T to read my posts word for word, I would probably consider printing them out and taking them to her during one of my sessions. 

That is what feels most comfortable for me.  For each of us, we have to decide what works best for us, for the moment.  I do not think there is a wrong way to approach this.  Each person will have a feeling for what is right for their situation.

Yes I did,,invited her to read,,,,

I don't know if she ever did as our discussions were never brought to the subject of this community...

I know I would have but then I'm the patient and sat in the less comfortable chair... .

But I do know that my place in my present chair has much to do with her gentle push towards letting go... .of many things... .and for that I am eternally gratefull.

Lenny

I agree with RedLady that it has been very helpful for me to read everyone's perspective!

Someone pointed out to me privately that these discussions refer to therapists whom we have developed (or hope to develop) a strong trusting relationship so we can improve our emotional health.

But that's not the only kind of Therapist - client relationship. Some folks see a therapist short term (sometimes just 1 time) for evaluation purposes when facing a divorce or child custody issues. In cases like that, these discussions about therapist trust are not necessarily applicable. It may even be distinctly not in your best interest, helpful to the evaluation, nor even relevant to reveal your involvement in this message board (let alone your user name).

You guys had already figured this out, right?  :)

(End of disclaimer like post!)

Alana

WOW this post took me back... to a tie when i crawled here... .and i found a safe place  , the only safe place i had,,,,,

i  never  forget where i came from... .

I had begun seeing my therapist while I was in the relationship with the undBPDgf. The therapist was familiar with BPD and was the one that introduced the idea and recommended the book I Hate You, Please don't Leave Me so it only made sense that I share that I had found a tool that was useful. The therapist was grateful as she in turn was able to share this resource with another client. However I didn't invite her to view my personal post and she did not ask. In retrospect I am glad mostly because I wanted our sessions to be dynamic and based on the moment. I can see it both ways though and can see how viewing what I write on this site might give her a better understanding what is going on with me.

I have to agree with those that say full disclosure, especially if you are in a therapeutic relationship that has the goal of self understanding. If, as you say Alana, it is just an evaluation session then it may not be appropriate.

(The T is a smart cookie and could probably figure out pretty quickly which are my post in that she knows the story already.)

I told my T that I posted here and didn't think twice about it.  I told her I found it very helpful for me and sometimes talk about what I learn from the Workshops board.  We didn't spend a lot of time on the name of the board but she definitely hadn't heard of it before.  It never crossed my mind that she would come on here at look for me.  I guess that means I see her practice as a safe place... .

I told my T and he said it was a good thing if it helped me but also said later that being here too much might be detrimental as posting,discussing etc was merely keeping the whole experience fresh in my mind and therefore not really allowing me to move on.

On the one hand I agree but on the other I dont,on balance this place has helped me enormously to understand myself and the disorder and I will be forever gratefull to all the good people who have given me so much here over the past 18 months :)

I'm sure this has been addressed before but can't seem to find it... .  

Does your therapist know about this place/that you post on here?

I was telling my therapist about lonely child/abandoned child and she had never heard of it.  She asked me to send it to her.

I will probably copy and paste it, but it just made me wonder if others have told their.  I haven't yet.

Either way, just wondering why you did or why you haven't.

I told mine about bpdfamily.com.  She'd was vey favorable to my posting here.  But it's not like I gave her my username or anything.

I would have liked to hear what she thought of it.  

That's a good question, sheepdog. I used to post on this board almost every day, when I first realized my mom had BPD. I did share the site with my therapist, without telling her my user name.

She appreciated knowing about it, since posting here was such an important part of my learning/healing process. I would share with her some of the info I got from this site and the reactions people had to some of my posts. And I would also post here about some of the things my T was having me do in therapy that were helpful. I think the two therapeutic processes complimented each other really well.

If you decide to tell your T, I hope it works out as well for you as it did for me.  :)

Maude

I have shared this site with him for which he was very grateful. I do look forward to sharing with him at my next appt that I was asked to be an ambassador. Kinda proud of that and excited to share the news with him.

Yes, I've told her about it. She didn't  know it, perhaps because I live in France and they're not exactly known for using English-speaking resources  :) She was positive, though

This thread started in 2007 at a time when we not that well known.

Since that time, we have been endorsed by several high profile clinicians and organizations (e.g., Kaiser Permanente), listed in several text books,  and many members are now  here at the direction of their therapist.  The staff has two consultants - and MD professor of psychiatry from a major University and PhD psychologist who treats BPD. We have a couple of hundred therapists that follow our blog.

I can attest that therapists find it helpful when we dissipate our anxiety here, gain perspective, and when we explore the things they are teaching us in therapy and when we reach out to learn new concepts and tools.  I can also attest that when we massively co-ruminate or get embroiled in urban legends, or seek validation for invalid behavior, therapists will encourage us to step away.

If we are taking ideas back to the therapist, its best to go to the source material - not a members interpretation of the source material - take the extra step to check the facts - not lean on the therapist to unscramble another members amateur psychology - even if its good.

I hope that helps.

My therapist referred ME to the site! Told me it was a good source for information on the disorder, and thought I might find it at least comforting to discover that I wasn't the only one who was having so much trouble detaching from the relationship I'd had with my expwBPD. That was almost a year ago - almost two years AFTER he announced he was moving out/ending our relationship of 12+ years so he could be with someone he'd met/started sleeping with a month earlier - and between all wildly contradictory things he subsequently said to/about, and did to/with me, our children, my family, our friends, our clients, and my replacement - I was pretty much on the verge of nervous breakdown when I got here.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I firmly believe this site, the community that makes its home here, and the therapist who referred me to this place LITERALLY saved my sanity and, given how I felt at the time, probably my life as well.

Yes, I've discussed this site with my psychologist and have shared insights and learnings on and off through the years. We both view it as similar to group therapy/group process, especially the Learning after a Failed Relationship.

I haven’t yet, but will be at my session this week. This will only be our second session. I think she’ll get it. I haven’t mentioned BPD/NPD to her yet, but after explaining some of the relationship in which I mentioned gas lighting, she asked if I felt like I was going crazy while in the relationship. This perked me up a bit. She validated me on the fact that I had indeed been extorted by my ex. This was another green flag. Come to think of it, I did mention narcissism. I was describing to her about a big emotional meltdown and some other behaviors that my S3 has been having since the split. I told her that I discussed it with my sister who a psychologist. My sister recommended play therapy if the behaviors worsen or continue. I told her that my ex wouldn’t go for it, and she, in so many words, said my ex was a bad parent and a narcissist. Sure enough, when I tried to discuss this with my ex, she told me that he’s only 3 and that there is something wrong with me. My sister specializes in children and PD’s. I trust her advice. What a nightmare this has all been. I hate the reasons for having to be here and in therapy, but I’m grateful that this site exists.

Its good to synch the work with the therapist with your work here... .there can be great synergy.

I've told my T and she is familiar with the site. She conducts DBT and has an in depth knowledge of BPD. I started seeing her about a year ago mainly to learn skills to better communicate with my ex. I'll bring her examples of my interactions with my ex and we go over what went well, what didn't and what could have been said/done differently. I sometimes reference generic examples from the site but never give my profile name or that of anyone else.

Definitely and I talk about it all of the time...

Yes, I told my counsellor, can’t remember if it was my first or second session. I thought it best so that she knew that I was getting extra support and information elsewhere.

Yes.  I gave him the site address.  He never brought it up again and neither did I. I was briefly butt-hurt, then moved past it as his validation of my time here specifically didn't matter in the long run.  Early on he observed, "you have a healthy disrespect for my profession." Yes. Thanks for reinforcing that.  But really, it didn't matter in the long run.  I know I own my healing. 

 I have recently entered therapy again with a therapist I went to in the past.  She knows I read, learn and post here.  She says that she supports my posting, if it helps me.  She is glad for me to get support and validation.  I do have a few friends who know about my struggles and are supportive.  But, the BPD family members understand what it is like to be in a relationship with a pwBPD.  The therapist is in favor of support groups for healing.

Mustbeabetterway

I learned and participated at BDFamily before I got my therapist.  I shared the resource with her as part of what I was doing for myself toward recovery.  I believe the knowledge here helped her as much as it does me.  It's been many years since she was my therapist but we still share resources and knowledge with each other.  I'm halfway through a book she loaned me on neuroplasticity and brain training.