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So I thought it was all over. I no longer love her or care so much about her... .great maybe i'm moving on. Then I bump into her and she's all smiles and happy 'hiya' i kind of mumbled "alright" up she then pops on email ... .why are you soo moody? I just say im not and i chat normal but not much at all.

She then comes up with her ususl lies and says she happy having fun and going on a date... .all to get a reaction.i say nothing.

The thing is i've started dreaming about her and the dreams are strange it's just like every day things we used to do(the good bits) god it's like i'm being forced to take a drug because this is what its like .  I woke up shaking and finding it hard to breathe.my anxiety is back  I thought this was over.

It's the usual smear - labelling you as the one with problems when it's the opposite.    And she's showing a highly annoying narcissistic streak by trying to provoke you. Consider the source.  x

Whyme, your not alone I had the exact same thing happen to me yesterday. She stopped by to pick up something. She was all bubbly, mentioned how good things were going with the new friend. I didn't feel that much when she was here. Lately my love for her has waned somewhat. Now this morning I woke up shaky, and depressed. The anxiety is what I really hate. I wish I knew why they have that effect on us. Its so hard to forget about the good times especially since I live in the same place and I'm reminded by everything here. It almost seems like a drug, I don't get it.

i don't quite get it either.  i can actually say that there are, (and these are  just the one sI know), (and holy crap ive had to keep chnaging this number as i remember more) ... .SEVEN women who are, at current time, absolutely in love with my ex and would do anything at her command.  SEVEN women who have not even been able to get in new relationships because their heads are so wrapped up in her.  SEVEN women she has managed to re-engagement back enough to keep in her life to this day.  that has, 2 days ago, changed to SIX.  although i hate accepting that she is pathetic and disgusting ... .i must.  fake it till i make it.

 RE: The Drug. Do you really think it's a drug? One that makes you feel better or worse?  If the answer is for worse, then why do you allow it into the house?

Something that makes you feel so badly? Why do you let something in the door so easily that could possibly kill you with depression, sadness, health complaints?  Are you testing it? Is there something still in your mind that you're unsure of concerning the drug's effects? Do you want the Drug to make you feel better and instead it keeps making you feel worse? How long do you want to feel bad? The two seem to go together. Keep using or stop.

How many chats do you need before you block the IM feature? Block the email? Block the phone number? Keep using or stop.

If you cant stop, then at least try to figure out what this person gives to you that keeps you coming back for more.  :light:

That is exactly a part i dont understand.

I asume i understand a lot of their moves and emotions,also analyzed my own till the bottom.

Have come to a real state of acceptence.

Definately dont want him back.

Fully appreciate the life i live now.

But i get this anxiety anytime when i sense him around.

And he is not really around. It seems like i feel when he is thinking about me.

And most of the time when i sense that it takes a couple of days and yep i get a

text mess.

When i see his name popping up, the anxiety hit me like a truck... .

What is that ?

Its not that i like that feeling, is it fear that we might not be strong enough to resist?

Has anyone an idea ? Someone, anyone... .

Yeah maybe it is the fear.It's like sticking a bottle of beer infront of an alcoholic I guess.

I don't want to ever be with her again but I seem to not want to 'totally forget her' even after all she done I find myself not totally wanting to just forget it... .

HI- slighlty off topic, but one question... .when they (BPD) come back to us all bubbly, happy, etc... .does that mean they don't suffer any pain like us? I'm basically wondering if all this pain we feel is jus one sided or if they have some too... .

thanks!

That should have made you angry whyme... .give it a few days and anger will set in.  Soon the tables will be turned, it's almost a guarantee - be thankful you aren't with such a mean hearted wench.