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OK so I have been away and not together with my x BPD for over 1 month, And loyal and alone but now a client of mine who is a very nice young lady 19 and smoking hot wants to cheer me up she wants to hang out and liven my life up.

The ? is should I mess with her to help get over BPD or will this lower me as a man ? I am 39 and the girl for fun is 19 that makes me feel kinda weird but OMG .

Maybe god is giving me a gift for accepting the seperation and doing the correct thing to leave the BPD alone!

Or maybe the devil has sent temptation my way to see if i eat the poison fruit ? But all I can say as good as she makes me feel I gotta eat the fruit.

so now please tell me to not do it and for me to behave please !

This is so tempting am I morally wrong ? or is it fine and dandy ?

She noticed I was sad other day and we talked and she told me she feels for me and would like to cook for me and hang out and help liven me up she misses the happy go lucky side of me and wants it back in my spirit and eyes.

please inform me of my move.

PS: I have not once thought positive of my BPD today as a matter of fact after my therapy today it all became clear in my brain and I must move on with my life full bore all the way .

in my opinion... .there is nothing wrong with it... .go for it... .just take it slow... .an be careful... .

Well she and I talked the relationship part there will be none we are gonna stay friends with benefits. Because of our age difference. But I need the unwinding in my life I am a walking ball of fury and need some R&R .

and I don't think my x BPD will call anymore after I just told her x husband she is staying if I get any kind of contact from her again I will be calling homeland security and ice to them varify if her legal status is good or not here in the usa and I am betting it isn't so I may be free and clear from BPD now thank you lord for giving me her x's number .

Dude, go for it.  But beware - the age dynamics there scream that she has some issues, as well.  Just be careful and don't hurt yourself or her.

She is a young girl and probably has yet to be jaded... .just don't be the one to do it. If it's a "fun" thing, and she is completely aware of this, then maybe. Just be sure of her expectations.

Glad to hear you decided to stay platonic... .that age difference is really significant... .screams someone is going to get hurt.

"Friends with benefits" is platonic?

I think she knows whats up her last guy was like 45 and I am sure there is some nuts and bolts twisted in her head. And I am on a very high defense these days. Best part is she goes to college full time and when she isnt in school lives 200 miles away so I should be safe. I HOPE

Well I am just reasuring my man hood guys .

I had a summer fling with a 22 year old last summer during a break up with BPDbf. (I'm 31) It was really... .really fun.   But not really worth it in the end.  Kind of a nice ego booster, though.

See you know what I want I need my ego that was crapped on and stepped on brought back to life. I need to feel good about myself again.

ya id be a little careful OP. im not dogging on youngins, we were all one once, but past experience has taught me that even tho they say they just wanna be friends... .look out. and ya, you old creeper! lol... .she have any friends? 

What are you now, a charity case?  ? Stop using a young, dumb girl who wants a Father figure like an immature crutch. If your heart is broken, dont put a hello kitty band aid on it. If you cant be alone for more than a month- then you've got bigger problems than just the loss of a BPD partner. You've got your own abandonment issues. Dont think that Heroin withdrawal will be helped by mainlining some "junior baby methadone"- you'll only get hooked up with methadone and have to kick that too. Seek wise counsel instead.

2010. You crack me up. Well said.  I guess I better quit hanging out with the hot young teacher guy who has been sniffing around my front door for the same reasons.  I'm 12 years older than him and now am wondering if he's missing his mother.  So funny.

ya i think the whole 'milf' explosion has gotten out of hand. i usually like to stay within 3-4 years my age range. however a young one can... .wear you out. thats about it. are male older guys called 'dilfs'?  i remember being a teenager and anyone over 30 was disgusting and old. what happened to those days?

What is a milf?

Pardon the language, but it is a Mother I'd Like to F.

Oh god. I'm so sorry I asked. Ugh.  Yup. That decides it. Thanks guys. Hot teacher needs to go knocking on someone elses door I guess.  Been tossing this around for a while anyway. Luckily didn't go too far. Thanks to BPDgotmegood for bringing up the topic.

well you can thank desperate housewives for making it  mainstream... .cant believe you havent heard that tho lol. i thought i was so far behind in lingo. hell i still use 'awesome' and 'rad' lol

lol! actually, its a compliment... .im sorry, im just bustin up over here. its ok, im a dilf to some ppl i guess lol lol  :)

Well, humor aside... .point is that some of us (me) should take some time out anyway.  WTH. It's onl been 8 months since HE has been gone and we were together for 16 years.  You know what? Sometimes these boards make me sad instead of feeling better.

IMO a month out of a BPD relationship = head still spinning and impaired judgment.  Not to say that you are unattractive but when I was 19 I would NOT have had sex with a 39 year old, EVER.  The kind of girls that did were damaged goods.  HPD's and BPD's and daddy issues all over the place.  I'm sure you can find a less damaged 24 year old who is not a client. 

Yeah, don't damage this girl even further.  If you want her only for sex that's just being selfish.

Yes very true but wow it is so tempting. I am going to eat dinner tomorrow with her she is making me dinner. and we will talk. But I will tell you this after the crap my mother just told me what my x BPD said to her I am over the BPD no way we were only together 5 months or so and well yes it messed me up but damn I am a strong man and need to build my life back up to where it was in october 2009 I was at the top now I am at mid level .

But I will assure everyone this if I do do anything I will take one for the team for sure. ok

Sounds relationshipy.  Dinner?  Be flattered and find a girl who is old enough to buy beer.

But I don't drink ! Drinking doesn't let me think straight

You're playing with fire by even having her make you dinner.  It's inevitable what's going to happen, and you'll have to live with the consequences, just know that.

You are going to mess your head up even more. Plus, given the fact she is your client, would you want to mess with your business? With that being said, do not hit_ where you eat.

The fact that she is not old enough to buy beer, regardless of IF you drink it means she is a child.  Technically a teenager.  You asked.  I'm not saying you are "wrong" exactly, but making a poor choice for YOURSELF. 

Uh, also, were you joking about God sending her as a gift?  I'm pretty sure God doesn't send girls with daddy issues as pity f*#&s.

|iiii

very true maybe I am making a poor choice and have to stick to my strength and pass. explain to her I am not ready to see anyone or be with anyone. and then say damn your strong. I will try my hardest to pass.

And yes the god statement was a joke.

lol Okay, it's funny as a joke.  Scary to think some people do think that way... .   

She could easily be your own daughter, you are twice her age. Although its technically legal she is a teenager and she has to have some serious issues herself.

Please find someone closer to an adult. She offered that should be enough to boost your ego.

|iiii

Thank you. As a mom to daughters (and a former teenage girl long ago) all I can think is GAK! That poor girl! Nothing wrong with you for being flattered by an attractive young woman who is interested in you, but you asked so, yes, I do think acting on it would be wrong.

Your all correct it did raise my ego and yeah she is old enough to be my daughter and well I will have to tell her no since it would be morally wrong of me. Thanks for the support.

When we were kids ... .my brothers and i would run around like crazed maniacs and our Mom would call out: "Stop it before someone gets hurt !"

Your story reminded me of this. You are not even out of the "gates of hell" yet and you are considering sticking your toe into a pool filled with hungry alligators to test the water.

Sometimes when we are hurt and feel like our lives are out of control we grab at anything to try to stabilize ourselves. Maybe this is what you are feeling ?

I can understand where you are coming from ... .but maybe you should consider just looking after yourself for a while and start to feel better before you enter into something that has the potential of blowing up in your face.

Sometime things start innocently enough until someone gets serious and then you are left to deal with a whole bunch of feelings that you don't need right now. If i was in your shoes i would resist the temptation and avoid the risk. Before "someone gets hurt".

Take care

ION   

All I know is if a 39 y/o man got near mt 19 y/o daughter, he better be prepared to eat lead... .:)

Well I stood tall and told her I felt flattered but couldn't do it because I felt it was just wrong. And she said I understand and respect that.

So I went to the gym and worked out for 4 hours and damn I feel great And I cooked a nice big cuban meal today and top tell you the truth I feel blessed.

And I probably would have gone for it if you fine people here didn't open my eyes!

Thanks I truly appreciate it.

That's awesome, glad we could hold you accountable!   |iiii

Hah! Good for you!  You are truly blessed.  |iiii

I'm proud of you.   |iiii  

Im 30, I wouldn't be interested in a 19 year old. What possibly can she have to say to you? And i certainly wouldn't want to sleep with her. I know im a man in a minority here but I just don't rob the cradle. If you are ok with it morally then u are ok.

Oh you already told her no! Well good for you, and yes it is flattering.

You did the right thing!  |iiii

Ditto. Props brother.  |iiii