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Since I left X I've been having trouble, off and on, with various aches and pains.  Stomach pain, chills, pain that radiates from my neck through my shoulders and back, feeling suddenly exhausted as well as dragging most of the time, attacks where I have trouble breathing, muscle weakness, dizziness, dissociation and fuzzy thinking have been a real problem (the last two are mental complains, I guess, but I thought I'd add them as they seem to happen at the same time as the physical ones).  They seem to happen randomly, although they seem to be generally worse at night or at the end of my shift at work.  I feel like my body's falling apart!

Have any others out there had physical symptoms from the stress you're going through?  I KNOW it's because of the stress and PTSD, but that doesn't help.  I have to take a bunch of painkillers almost every day in the early afternoon before it gets too bad, and my stomach will get sour sometimes no matter what I eat  

Grim

Dependence on a drug is how you got here. That drug just so happened to be a human fix. Now that the human fix gone- you'll find yourself hurting and in pain, looking for anything to take the pain away. Another drug. Your mind/body connection that doesn't know where to turn next and who or what to look to for comfort is what is causing your physical ailments. Some people will go so far as to call this unleashed repressed pain. Repressed pain may have existed within you since childhood- now that you connected with a cypher (the magic key that existed within your ex) you've unlocked your pain from childhood.  Alone, unsure, uneasy and filled with anxiety.

You've got to feel it. Taking a pill that replaces the drug like state of being with your ex won't allow you to resolve your core issues. Your core issues need to be addressed, confronted, deciphered, explained, detailed, described and eventually resolved and you cant do that on drugs. Painkillers are human and they are pill form. Painkillers can keep you from addressing your own behavior- they can keep you at rock bottom- stabilized but motionless and in the same state as you always were.  Nothing changes when we replace people with pills or alcohol. When you are isolated at rock bottom and drugging yourself- you underestimate the light at the top of the tunnel that calls you upward and out of the cave.

Your core issues need oxygen. Your core being needs care. It's no surprise that the core of you is at your gut- and it has the largest repository of nerve endings in the body. That's why most people with PTSD anxiety have stomach aches, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and so on.  Your central nervous system is trying to tell you something.  Listen to it. It wants something other than a pill.  It wants oxygenated blood. Walking takes care of that. Put on a dark pair of glasses. Put on a pair of comfortable shoes. Get an Ipod. Walk around the block. It's simple. It's easy. It's going to allow your brain to see things that you otherwise wouldn't be registering. It's going to give you dopamine, endorphins, fresh air and sunshine.

It's not going to solve your reliance on painkillers- you'll need to make a decision on when to stop them- but it's a start- and all you have to do is take the first step out the front door and into the light. |iiii

Without the painkillers, I can't work.  The pain is that bad.  I can't just call in sick for months until my issues are resolved.  I'd lose the roof over my head, my insurance (which I need because I am being treated for bipolar) and probably the job itself.  When I'm at home I can manage it better.

I'm not sure I HAVE to feel physical pain in order to get better.  I agree, and it's a very good point, that I was addicted to my ex and now that he's gone, all the chemicals I got from being around him are gone.  The physical pain may be a manifestation of psychological problems as well, as you suggest, but I don't think it's necessarily healthy to be in pain or ill a lot of the time.  I causes me great distress and keeps me from even beginning to function properly.  If I can do something to stop it, I will.  With time and therapy (which I hope to start next week) I won't have to take anything anymore.  In the mean time, hand me the ibuprofen so I can get through my day at work.

Exercise is a good idea.  Now that I'm feeling a bit better I can do that, too.  I actually get a lot of exercise at work, and I'm constantly thinking on my feet, so I'm not totally inactive, but I could stand to take a walk on my days off.

Thanks for your input.

Grim

2010-- is "cypher" a word used in psychoanalysis or another for of therapy?  If so I'd like to know which discipline or a reference, so I can research this more.

Thanks!

Grim