Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD => Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD => Topic started by: lbjnltx on March 02, 2011, 01:14:08 PM

Title: Falcon Ridge Ranch Month 10: BPD d13 in residential treatment center
Post by: lbjnltx on March 02, 2011, 01:14:08 PM
 ok... .we are coming to the end of a miraculous part of our journey as a family... .BPDd-13 is due home on march 19th after more than 9 months at the residential treatment center... .i must have in place; school, neurofeedback therapy, math tutor, individual therapy, time on the calendar for weekly individual therapy w/her therapist at the residential treatment center, time on the calendar for Positive Peer Culture with the residential treatment center, scheduled appointment with her pdoc here at home, saddle back from the custom shop, weekly family meeting, and RELAXATION time. also, studying Positive Peer Culture to get a group started by the end of the summer. ;p

the good news:  i have almost all the paper work done to enroll BPDd-13 in online public school... .free!... .waiting on the ed. director at the residential treatment center to administer a diagnostic math test to see where my d is... .she must pass the test on april 2nd to be able to advance to 9th grade... .she is able to retest if necessary 2 times to pass it... .if she is too far away from passing I will need to scrap this plan and start over ;p ... .we will see.  i have gotten a commitment from a church member who teaches math to tutor BPDd-13 to help her work on areas of math she needs to pass the taks test.  the school is requesting a letter from the pdoc with diagnoses and how they affect her education, what special provisions she will need for school... .i requested the input of the individual t, ed. director for the writing of this letter... .i don't think the pdoc would know what to recommend for special provisions... .also, I don't know if he has dx BPDd-13 ad/hd... .

more good news:  had a conference w/a neurofeedback therapist yesterday... .awesome news!  he is well accomplished, published, a president of the neurofeedback association, low fees and may be willing to loan us equipment to conduct sessions online w/my d so that we won't have to travel as much... .still waiting for husband to give the "ok set up an appointment" speech... .

more good news... .well, maybe good... .spoke w/nale, the Positive Peer Culture leader at the residential treatment center... .told him my concerns about starting a Positive Peer Culture group... .:  no experience, afraid of damaging a young person, how will it work for my d if I am the group leader, how many times a week... .etc...

nale:  "you have to start somewhere", "now I know where BPDd-13 gets

         strong inner critic", "as long as your relationship is good with

         BPDd-13 it will benefit both of you", "all you can do is the best you

         can do".

BPDd-13's individual therapist will be back today at the residential treatment center... .don't know that she has talked to therapist here at home yet... .she was out for 2 weeks after surgery.  will wait to see what she says about "graduation"... .is it going to happen?  nale said today that BPDd-13 is doing well.  she has been beating herself up for making mistakes... .has an expectation of perfection... .;p

Positive Peer Culture cancelled yesterday... .BPDd-13 gone on a field trip.  Positive Peer Culture cancelled today... .BPDd-13 gone on a trail ride... .will try again on friday... .tomorrow we are scheduled for individual t... .i imagine we will be working on the home contract... .i sent an email to therapist yesterday about having to put our cat yoyo down... .she was 14... .same age as BPDd-13... .haven't told BPDd-13 yet... .waiting for therapist to be there for support... .don't know how this will affect BPDd-13... .she wasn't close to the cat but you just don't know. ;p


BPD d13 in residential treatment center «

Month 1 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=120563)
Month 2 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=177524)
Month 3 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=125264)
Month 4 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=127415)
     Month 5 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=129653)
Month 6 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=131681)
Month 7 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=133797)
Month 8 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136413)
     Month 9 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=138842)
Month 10 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=140551)

Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: melissa207 on March 02, 2011, 03:45:30 PM
wow lbj things have come so far and seem so good for you and dd

wish you much success over the next weeks as you prepare for her graduation and return

very glad for you


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: tiredmommy2 on March 02, 2011, 04:46:29 PM
Thanks for posting - Now I know what I have to look forward to when my daughter gets out.  ;p

You are going to be one busy lady!  In spite of the crazy busy schedule, I'm sure that you'll be relieved once she comes home.  I'm happy for you.  :)

Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: qcarolr on March 02, 2011, 05:13:30 PM
Whew  Hope you can find a little time to breath - like right now. Stop reading this and give yourself 10 deep breaths!

You are truly amazing - a gift to your D14 and to all of us here. Seems we may have to let go a bit of our own as you will be so very busy after she gets home. You have set up to run an 'residential treatment center for one' there. This seems like a plan for success though. The follow up on a weekly basis will be so important as our D adjusts to a new and different life at home.

Keeping you all in my prayers.

qcr   |iiii  

Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: pennifree on March 02, 2011, 07:49:43 PM
dear lbjj,

I remember reading your first posts about the need to send your precious D to an residential treatment center.

I remember how it sadden you to take this step, but how resolute you were in making the decision and researching the options for the best possible outcome for your D

I can see that you are taking the same very important attitude to her home coming to ensure her success in the aftercare as you did those many months ago

You are strong and you always manage to do whatever it is you set your mind to doing and you do it with grace and diplomacy

I am confident that your D will be happy to be home and with all of the work that you have done too, will continue to heal and grow in healthy ways

There will most likely be times when you will be challenged, but then again, teenagers are supposed to be challening right?  You will rise to the occasion

As qcr mentioned, you will be busy, busy, busy... .remember to breathe but also remember to enjoy the ride.

All the best to you and your entire family 


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: peaceplease on March 02, 2011, 09:08:41 PM

Let me join the cheering section.  You have done an amazing job, and you are so inspiring.  Yes, you will be busy.  I am so happy for you, your husband and dd.   |iiii  

Thank you for sharing with all of us.  You have given us a great gift.  Your support with your posts have touched many of us here.   

Thank you.  May God Bless you.


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: lbjnltx on March 02, 2011, 11:48:32 PM
dear friends,

thank you so much for your supportive words and well wishes.  I am doing the best I can and being patient waiting for leadership from above. :)

i got this email from my BPDd-13 a few minutes ago:

dear mom and dad,

i went on a trail ride but I didn't ride little doc cuz one of the equine people was riding him. so I rode Tuffy and he was acting up. i'm thinking about not graduating in march and just get a home visit with friends so i'll know what to do in those kind of situations. i'm sorry if this means we'll be apart for longer, but I need to do it for me. if we don't have enough money then i'll graduate. so please tell me.

i love you

wow.  seems like she is a bit afraid of coming home and having struggles... .mix that with not wanting to leave her friends and her support staff at falcon ridge... .who would have ever thought this defiant and obstinate girl would fall in love with the residential treatment center... .amazed. 

it is somewhat validating... .just more indication that I was lead well and listened closely to Him and followed through... .bitter sweet.


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: qcarolr on March 03, 2011, 12:52:51 AM
lbj - the program there has worked just as intended for her, and the transistion to home must be scary for her. I will pray for everyone in her life to know how to help her use her new skills to cope with all the thoughts and feeling she must be experiencing. It is good her T will be back for her this week.


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: peaceplease on March 03, 2011, 05:18:05 PM

Yes, it is bittersweet.  Your dd will miss her new friends and staff. Perhaps the anticipation of finding new friends is scary to her as well.  I can't recall if her friends were of bad influence or strayed away.  Either way, she will have adjustments to make.  It is hard being a teen with all of the peer pressure.  It is easier where she is in a controlled environment and has many restrictions in an institution.  However, she learned so much and has the tools to handle difficult situations. 

I feel confident that her T will help her with this fear.  The fact that she is scared is a good thing, I believe. 

I will pray for her adjustment and aftercare goes smoothly.  


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: lbjnltx on March 03, 2011, 05:43:44 PM
dear peaceplease and qcarol, melissa, tiredmommy and pennifree

I feel confident that her T will help her with this fear.  The fact that she is scared is a good thing, I believe. 

this is exactly what happened and it is a good thing that she cares and has fears of losing what she has learned/gained.

i will post todays' therapist session on a new thread for month 10... .hopefully this evening.

thanks guys... .

sure wish I could take all of us moms on a cruise to the bahamas... .we would be the bahama mamas  :)


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: tiredmommy2 on March 03, 2011, 07:05:57 PM
sure wish I could take all of us moms on a cruise to the bahamas... .we would be the bahama mamas 

I second this motion!  We all deserve a cruise!

I'm relieved to hear that your d's therapist was able to help her process her fear.  The fact that she cares about things of this nature really shows how much progress she has made.   

Title: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 03, 2011, 08:31:39 PM
family t session  3-3-11

the session began with BPD14 asking about whether or not she could come home for a family visit and then return to the rtc to graduate at a later time.

t:  it sounds like you are scared and worried about going home.  the

    staff told me that you are very nervous about going home.

BPD14:  yes i am.

t:  you can graduate and go home and return here if you really need to.

     is the concern mostly about interacting with  your friends at home?

BPD14:  yeah.  i just don't know how i will react if i get in a situation

     that is not good for me.

me:  how do we know we can do the right thing in any situation?

BPD14:  practice?

me:  yes.  and you have had lots of challenges with peers there and

     have managed to use your skills.

t:  BPD14, you know that we do not graduate students unless they have

    earned it right?

BPD14:  yes. 

t:  why do some girls leave without graduating?

BPD14:  because the insurance ran out.

t:  right.  the treatment team believes you are ready to graduate.

BPD14:  (crying a little)

t:  does being ready to graduate mean you will go home and be


BPD14:  no.

t:  will the doors of falcon ridge close on you when you leave?

BPD14: no. i just am going to miss my girls so much.  i was the first

    one to help many of them when they got here.  i want to see them

    grow and get better. 

me:  when you leave falcon you will still be able to have ppc and t with

    lorneta.  you will be able to visit on facebook with other grads.

BPD14:  can i have group ppc over the phone?

t:  we can ask nali if it is ok to do that sometime.

BPD14:  i will be so worried about them.

t:  how many horses have you worked with here at the ranch?

BPD14:  3 or 4

t:  when you leave here do you trust the equine staff to take care of the

    horses and not let anything bad happen to them?

BPD14:  yeah.  i'm going to miss them too.

t:  can you trust the staff here to take good care of your friends and

    not let anything bad happen to them as well?

BPD14:  yes.i can. i can do that.

t:  you are panicking a lot.  do all the girls in trans panic a lot when it

   gets close to graduation time?

BPD14: yeah. this is normal isn't it?

t:  yes and not only is it normal it is good.  it means you care about

    doing well at home. because you care it means you will do well.

BPD14:  can i tell my group that i am graduating on the 18th?

t:  not yet.  that news may be difficult for some of them and we need

    to have support in place to help them through their feelings about

    your leaving.  we will have a good bye group meeting.

me:  BPD14, the best way that you can help your peers that you leave

    behind at falcon ridge is to come home and do well, be happy, and

    use what you have learned.  do you see how that would be helpful?

BPD14:  yes.

t:  mom is right.  doing well will be the best way to help your peers.

BPD14:  yeah.  it will give them hope that they can do it too.

t:  if you are feeling uneasy in a situation what do you need to do?

BPD14:  walk away.  then tell mom and dad so they can help me figure

    out how to handle that person or situation.  then i can go back to

    them and tell them how i feel and why i feel that way.

t:  right.  use your tools.  we would not  teach you tools here that

    won't work out there.

me: dad and i want you to know that we are working hard on getting

   some things in place for you here at home to help you succeed.  i

   have found a neurofeedback therapist in hit_ for you to see. he is

   really good at what he does and works with lots of kids  your age.

   we weren't able to do neurofeedback at falcon because we have run

   out of time.  do  you know what neurofeedback is?

BPD14:  yeah.  it's like brain waves and computer games that help you

   think better.  how often will i have to go and how long will it take to

   get there?

me:  we would initially have to go 2 times a week and it is a 2 hour


BPD14:  oh... .i don't like to ride that much in the car.

me:  i know that so what we may try to do is stay the night w/sissy at

   her townhouse because she lives really close to the neuro t.

BPD14:  awesome.

me:  also the neuro t said that he may be willing to loan us the equip-

    ment to work some of the sessions online to cut down on travel.

BPD14:  great.  that sounds good.

me: you know you have to be enrolled in school when  you get home and the

   education director and lorneta both believe that home school is the

   best option for you until the end of this year.  joette is going to give

   you a diagnostic test in math to see where you are and what you may

   need extra help with.  i have a math tutor in place who is excited to

   get to meet you and help you until you pass the taks test in math.

BPD14: i really don't want to .

me:  i know.  i didn't like the idea much either at first.  after i though

   about it for a bit and did some research i think it is a wise choice for

   all of us.  i won't be your teacher.  it is an online public school with

   some virtual classroom time and chat rooms w/the other students on

   fridays.  that will give you a chance to use some of your skills and

   get some practice.  you will have a different  teacher for each of your


BPD14:  will i still get to have some time with  my real friends?

me:  yes you will.

BPD14:  i was not planning on this.

me:  i know. it is a surprise and it can be a good surprise.  if you think

   about going to individual t an hour each way once a week and going

   to neuro t 2 hours each way twice a week how can that work if you

   are in school?

BPD14:  oh.  it wouldn't work well.

me:  no, it would be too stressful.

t:  mom and dad have worked hard to get a good foundation laid for

   you to succeed at home.  why do you think they did that?

BPD14:  because they love me.

t:  why do you think people have kids?

BPD14: uh... .i can't believe i don't know this... lol too have someone to


t:  mom, why did you have BPD14?

me: because God wanted me to have her.  she has taught me to love

   on a level i would never have achieved without her.  even the tough

   times have challenged me to grow and be a better person and love

   in a selfless way.  unconditional love is what it is all about.

dh: we were ready for you.  we made plans for you.  mom decorated

    your room in the little 2 bedroom house we lived in.  you are a big

    part of the family.  school, friends, church, therapy, these  are like

    links in a chain.  if one becomes weak what will happen?

BPD14:  it will break the chain.

dh:  if a link in  your chain starts to become weak we will help you to

    remember to use your tools and strengthen it back up.

t: if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing how strong will

    the chain be?

BPD14:  strong!

t:  is there a chance you will fail?

BPD14:  well yes. i guess there is a small chance.

t:  if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing will you fail?

BPD14:  no.

t:  open and honest communication will keep the chain strong.  if you

  rebel it will fall apart.  the after care program that mom and dad and

  falcon ridge has set up for you is in place.  you have worked harder

  than anyone in your group.  you are my first girl to graduate the

  program. we kind of started here at falcon at the same time. 

BPD14:  i promise i will not NOT follow the plan.

t:  you sound much happier and confident in graduating now than you

   did at the beginning of this call.  what mind were you in when we

   began therapy today?

BPD14:  emotional mind.

t:  do you feel better now?

BPD14:  yes. lots!

t:  are the emotions still there?

BPD14:  yes.

t:  yes they are.  they are just under control.  mom and dad and BPD14

  if you ever need unscheduled family t over the phone just call and we

  will find a way to make it happen asap.  BPD14, you must find a way

  to transfer your skills home. do you use boundaries w/peers here?

BPD14:  yes.

t:  you will need to do the same thing at home.  be careful how you

  use them and how you check your peers at home.  be in control of

  your emotions, don't let those emotions control you. 

BPD14:  ok.

t:  anything else mom or dad?

me:  well, i have some sad news to share with BPD14.  we had to put

  down our kitty yoyo.  she and BPD14 are the same age.  i took her to

   the vet and he said she is just worn out and there is little else we

   could do for her.  i'm sorry BPD14 to have to tell you that.  are you


BPD14:  yes i am ok.

t: it is sad when we have to lose a family pet.

me:  ok. well i love you BPD14.  i am so proud of how well you are

   doing and how hard you are working.

BPD14:  oh, mom, i need some money to go buy stuff to make my quilt

   and i am broke up here.

me:  ok. 

t:  call karen and work that out with her.

me:  ok. i will

BPD14:  don't forget mom, i really need to get started on my quilt

   soon.  write it down.

me:  i am writing it down.

t:   lol you know mom, she writes everything down.  lol

BPD14:  bye mom, bye dad. love you.

t:  good job today BPD14,  you are much more calm and have a better

   understanding of your after care plan and the support it will provide

   for your continued success.


Title: Re: the pressure is on
Post by: pennifree on March 03, 2011, 10:10:24 PM
LOL... .Where can I sign up for the cruise?  I'll gladlly be a Bahamas Mamma with all of you!

I agree that is good D is scared as it's a sign that she doesn't want to lose what she's got and she knows that she has a good situation in a loving family who have made great sacrifices so  that she will be able to live a good life.  That knowledge is priceless in MHO.

Best we can all do is take it one day at a time.  :)


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 03, 2011, 11:14:25 PM
lbj - WHEW. Can you let out that breath - I was holding mine for you :) Such a good session and chance for each of you to talk about the after care plan in such a positive way. If this will work for anyone - well I believe there is the greatest hope for a succesful transistion for your D14. 

You give us all such hope that doing the work can give back benefits. Thanks.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 04, 2011, 01:29:15 AM
it's 1:27 am and i am still awake... .so excited that BPD14 has earned her graduation... .so excited about how well she was able to communicate her emotions, thoughts, work through the big changes, so excited she is coming home!



Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 04, 2011, 03:16:34 PM
PPC Chapters 7,8         3-4-11

we had a fairly brief session today.  dh not able to be on the phone with us.

we talked about the ppc process and BPD14 helped me better understand each of the parts of a ppc session.

we discussed the responsibility that comes with leading a ppc group, how that responsibility will be a shared one between she and i.  i asked her to think about when we could devote the time and energy to starting a group. 

nale, the ppc leader pointed out to me as we did an exercise on the different roles of a ppc how these roles are the equivalent to what we studied in the book "i don't have to make everything all better"... .listening with the right motivation, validating, asking validating questions, and having boundaries.

soo... .i was thinking about this site and how we follow the ppc process without even knowing it.

part 1. reporting problems... .we post about the events in our lives and

          the problems these events cause for us and our kids. as a reader, we 

          might read several posts without responding.

part 2. award the meeting... .we choose which posts we will respond to.

part 3. problem solving... .we validate, ask validating questions (that

           can lead the author of the post to seek answers), we tell what

           has worked for us when we had the same problem.

part 4. the summary... .we usually close our post with positive words

           to encourage problem solving techniques, looking within for

           answers, and words of comfort and support.

within each of these parts we play roles of a. the demander... a firm,

         strong, not easily manipulated person who will bring to light

         what can be done about a situation.  b. the soother... .a validator.

         c. the stimulator... .the motivator, encourager.

there are many techniques like reversal, positive spin, etc... .that i need to learn/practice.  i am hoping the BPD14 will realize that we need to wait until school is over and taks tests are all passed before we start up the group.

thanks for reading.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 04, 2011, 06:28:51 PM
lbj - so excited for you and your family.

What really jumps out to me from your last post is the common threads the seem to permeate so much of my life these days - no matter the language/philosphy/style. It so reaffirms for me an experience I had in deep mediation many years ago that all life comes from the same source - is on a similar path to finding purpose in our short lifetime - and return to the same source. It is so very sad to me that we humans allow the miscommunications deflect us so - yet this is a part of the journey as well.

Feeling/thinking in a very philosophical way the past few days. Need to ponder where that is coming from.

Thanks from sharing. did't mean to hijack your post. get me to the right place here again.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 04, 2011, 09:48:54 PM
dear qcarol,

Feeling/thinking in a very philosophical way the past few days.

let it flow... .explore it... .embrace it... .claim it... .live it... .

this is how i broke out of the box of limitation on how to "be"... .

where the real growth happened within

the entire world changes when you see it from a new set of eyes


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: helpingmyson on March 08, 2011, 02:29:08 PM
Fantastic milestone!  I hope your daughter does great at home.

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: Vivgood on March 08, 2011, 03:30:37 PM
GREAT interaction you report! I feel very positive for you all


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 08, 2011, 09:01:29 PM
thanks dear friends for reading about our families experience with our daughter in residential treatment.

the biggest dilemma BPD14 has right now is what to wear for graduation... .the theme is "rock around the clock" poodle skirts for all the girls... .BPD14 would like to wear jeans to graduate... .that is against the rules... .case manager tells her she has to wear the poodle skirt... .i suggested she talk to her individual t and use her negotiating skills to reach a compromise... .i also have reminded her twice that the most important part is the "graduating" part... .i also validated her strong belief that it is HER graduation that SHE has worked hard for and she should get to wear what she chooses as long as it meets the standards of falcon ridge... .we will see what happens... .i'm rooting for her to win this one and wear her red/black plaid pleated skirt, black tights, black long sleeve shirt and red/black flats  :)... .i hope this is the biggest problem we have for awhile


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 08, 2011, 09:08:28 PM
:)... .i hope this is the biggest problem we have for awhile

me too.  |iiii


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 10, 2011, 12:17:55 PM
Family T session 3-10-11

sorry to say dear friends that today's session did not go well.

BPD14 is back on probation again.  she is really struggling with her intense emotions about leaving and about coming home.

leaving - abandonment fears, lack of object constancy

coming home-intense fear of messing up which = complete failure in

             her mind

she is trying to put in place some of her old coping skills... .the music she used to  listen to, the video games she used to play.

she started the therapy by asking if she could listen to the  music (you know the kind... .satan screaming at you through the car radio, drugs, sex, self hatred, hate the world) and play the video games (rated M for mature... .blood, violence)

a circular argument began... .the t asked her to get into Wise Mind several times... .she would say she was but within seconds it was obvious she was not... .BPD14 was trying to control the conversation and keep the argument going... .t suggested we stop the call for a few minutes... .took it off speaker, put  it back on speaker... .round and round we went.  after trying to get BPD14 to come around and accept that these things were not good for her... ."poison to her mind and spirit" she asked me if she bought them with her own money could she have them... .i replied "NO".  she started up again... .saying we were being "over protective"... .i told her "i'm done with this circular argument and i'm going to hang up now.  i think we all need some self time".

t called me back after taking BPD14 to her class... .we discussed the stress BPD14 is under right now... .we discussed the unnecessary pressure being put on her by all the tests... .4 being administered when it was only supposed to be 1... .t believes once she gets home she will be ok... .will talk to the clinical director for her input on monday... .asked me what i want to do... .? told her the bottom line is that dad won't go for longer stay... .$... .gone... .t did say she still believes BPD14's brain is miswired and hopes neurofeedback t will pick up on that and how to work to correct it... .that they have done all they can through cbt to help her... .

the bottom line... .she is scared and sad... .for a BPD that means she is

TERRIFIED AND DEVASTATED... .for this state... .she really isn't doing too bad.  ;p


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 10, 2011, 06:14:08 PM
lbj - so very sorry D14 is struggling so, and the difficulty this is for you and dh. BPD and the "miswiring" make the intensity for D14 so much more than we can really know. Surely do pray for her to find the guidance within to access the tools she does have there. You also have these tools within you , and your dh also, as well as a fountain of faith to draw on. So have your self-care plan in place as this transition comes about - you may need all the strength you can draw on. What is D14's safety plan for home if she just cannot access her Wise Mind and circles down into her old coping patterns? Would her working with this help ease some of the fears she has about coming home?

As always - you are in my thoughts and prayers - all 3 of you.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 10, 2011, 06:40:17 PM
What is D14's safety plan for home if she just cannot access her Wise Mind and circles down into her old coping patterns?

we have all of our coping skills listed and posted... .each of us with a copy... .one on the fridge... .if none of them work she is to go to "self"... .which means take a  time out, either in her room or outside with the horses... .

i talked to her t a few minutes ago... .she has checked on her 3 times today as said BPD14 is smiling, waving... .just like nothing happened... .a very familiar pattern to me... .

i am fine, i believe BPD14 will pull it together so that she can graduate.  time is the enemy here... .she has earned graduation... .she just is not using her skills right now... .she needs to pull herself together pretty quick though.

the education director sent me the results of her reading taks test.  score 89.8%... .  .2% from a commended status score... .passed it and then some... .still waiting on the math score... .waiting and waiting and waiting... .

t said she had conference w/pdoc about writing the letter for the 504 plan ... .t told him everything that needed to be in the letter ie: special accommodations to help her succeed.  t told me pdoc is writing a recommendation for add/adhd evaluation and possible meds.  really don't want any new meds... .hoping neurofeedback is going to help her enough that we don't have to put her on meds... .t said she does not think she would meet the criteria for adhd... .fidgety but not quite hyperactive... .borderline hyperactive... .there's that word again. ;p   the writing of the letter is in the hands of the pdoc... .great

i just hope she passes the math test with some room to spare... .t also told me that BPD14 hasn't been given the taks for social studies and science... .only study guides for future reference... .perhaps BPD14 thinks she is going to have to take these tests too at falcon... .i asked the t to make sure BPD14 knows she won't be taking those tests at falcon...

t said she may have BPD14 call me tomorrow during her lunch hour for quick chat if BPD14 is in her Wise Mind... .we will see.



Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: peaceplease on March 10, 2011, 07:11:25 PM

I can imagine how terrified your dd must be.  Again, I believe that this is a normal reaction.  And, as you stated that to a non, it would be sacred and sad, but to those with BPD the emotions are highly intensified.  And, the stress of the tests could have put her in dysregulated emotions mode. 

I hope and pray that she is in her Wise Mind, tomorrow, so you can chat. 


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 11, 2011, 01:56:11 PM
just talked to t and BPD14,

all is well.  BPD14 went to her peer group for help and support... .once more she is in her Wise Mind.  came to the conclusion that "if it isn't good for me i don't want to do it"

my reply:  awesome. wise choice. we can replace those things that aren't good with other things that are.

BPD14:  yeah.  and i can earn access to more mature themed games with my maturity.

t:  with maturity comes responsibility and wisdom and the desire to make choices that are good for you.

me:  so happy you are doing better today.

t:  still think she will be able to graduate

me:  great.   i believe in her ability to bounce back and regroup. i am sitting here waiting for the math test results and course selection for school.

BPD14:  well someone deleted about 1/2 of the test i did so now i have to go back and redo some of it.

me:  oh no.  well, have you made any course selections?

BPD14:  i just heard about that a few minutes ago.

me:  do you think that you can get that done when we hang up?  we are on a deadline and time is running out.

BPD14:  yeah

t:  i will tell them you are working a deadline and see if she can finish that up. i talked to her t at home today and he is so excited to be able to see BPD14 again.  he needs to know the name of the dbt skills workbook you have so that he can look at it.

me:  i have 2 copies.  BPD14, i also have a workbook for me so that we can all do this together.

BPD14:  sounds cool.

t:  ok, i have another appointment so we have to go now.

BPD14:  bye mom, love you

me:  love you to sweetypop.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 11, 2011, 02:26:08 PM
YIPPEE!  |iiii  This is so awesome. Thanks for keeping us all updated as the momentous day arrives for graduation.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: peaceplease on March 11, 2011, 04:07:23 PM

Yay!  Let's do the happy dance! :)  She will be ready to graduate on the 18th, right?

I am so glad that you were able to talk to her.  Life is good!


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 11, 2011, 06:03:38 PM
right... .if the center holds :)!

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 12, 2011, 02:59:15 PM
here is my speech that i will deliver at my precious d's graduation :

I am glad to be here today sharing these moments with all of you.  This is truly a day we have hoped and prayed for. 

When we began searching for the place and people to help BPD14 we prayed for guidance and the discernment in what to look for.  God answered and Falcon Ridge was His answer.  I kept Mariah on the phone more hours than I would like to admit and am grateful for her time, patience and concern for BPD14 and our family.  I thought “if everyone at Falcon Ridge is like Mariah then this must be the place we prayed for”.  I spent hours talking to parents of girls who had been at Falcon Ridge and it was obvious to me that Falcon Ridge held a special place in their hearts. 

My mother and I came to visit and the peace of this place and the quiet wisdom of the staff reassured me that we were in the right place. 

Thank you to Carolle for your patient and wise leadership in helping BPD14 learn that self respect and boundaries strengthen relationships... .not just with horses but with people too.  Thank you to Mike, Shae, and Russ for the extra time and effort you spent with BPD14 to help her see that God has given her the gift to see into the spirit of horses.  I believe she will use her gift to help horses with their people in the years to come.

Thank you to Karen for patiently putting up with my daily calls to ask about my precious daughter.  Many times I think she knew who was on the other end of the line just by where the hands of the clock were.  Thank you to the kitchen staff for feeding BPD14 and nourishing her body while the staff and counselors nourished her mind and her spirit.  Thank you for feeding all of us during the family weekends. 

Thank you to a former student, -------, who sat down with my Mom and I when we visited and shared her most personal thoughts and feelings about herself and what she was learning at Falcon Ridge.  Knowing how much Falcon Ridge helped ------- made my decision to leave my daughter in the hands of strangers a little easier.  I pray that you and all the other girls who have graduated or left this place are doing well.

Thank you to all the girls who are still here, thank you for helping BPD14 see that she is worthy of respect, that she has the power within herself to make choices and not be swept away by circumstance or situations.  Through your friendship she has learned that she is not alone in her struggles.

Thank you to Nali who has taught our family that as long as we have honesty, healthy personal boundaries and take responsibility for ourselves we will move in positive directions.  Through Nali's leadership and the PPC process BPD14 has discovered how to help others help themselves and how that in turn strengthens her.  We are planning to begin a grassroots PPC  program in our small community so that BPD14 can continue to share her care and concern with other girls and keep the PPC process alive within herself. 

Thank you to Lorneta for listening to my thoughts and ideas, for investing so much of yourself in BPD14, for believing in her from the beginning and seeing as we do how special she is.  I hope and pray for huge blessings upon you and your family so that you can help other girls like BPD14 find their way back to their families and have the opportunity to know true happiness.

I would like to thank most of all BPD14.  You have worked hard to help yourself.  Working on ourselves is the hardest work of all.  Your courage, your strength and willingness to be honest with yourself and about yourself is the reason I stand here today.  The time has come for you to leave this place and return home.  I know you are coming home a different person than the one who arrived here over 9 months ago.  You have learned that you have a great deal of personal power, that you have choices and that with the power to choose comes personal responsibility.  I have always told you that “the truth is the truth whether we admit it or not, sooner or later the truth will come out, and the truth will set you free”.  You have been brave and examined the truth about yourself.  The truth is that you are kind, caring, compassionate, intelligent, beautiful, passionate and generous.  Believing this truth has set you free.

The time has come to return home and show the rest of the world the truth of who you are.  The world will challenge you.  Be true to yourself and this place called Falcon Ridge and all of the friends you have made here.  Honor yourself and all your hard work, honor God and the great love that brought you here.  The truth is that you are a rare and precious creation.  If you stumble along the way it is ok because every time the sun rises is a new day that brings with it the opportunity to do things differently than the day before. 

I understand why you are sad to leave this wonderful place.  I also understand that you acknowledge that we are all connected.  Falcon Ridge is now part of who you are so you can carry it with you in your heart and in your mind where ever you go.  At any given moment in time, I am certain, that everything is exactly as it should be.

At this moment in time I was destined to be standing here and saying to you “I am so proud of you and I love you very much.”

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: peaceplease on March 12, 2011, 08:07:52 PM

That is really beautiful!  It has been wonderful for all of us to share in your journey through the rtc.  I am so happy for you.

May God Bless you.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 12, 2011, 11:55:21 PM
lbj - what a wonderful statement of gratitude from you to D14 and all the work she has done and those that helped you all along the way. There are not words to express my gratitude to you for sharing this journey here with me and the other parents. I have learned so many lessons, gained confidence in my own abilities to accept each day as it comes, and do the best I can with it. Each month along the way has shown growth in each of you - D14, you, dh. And it gives me and so many others such a great model of using the tools and skills that are ours as well. Overcoming the fears that keep us stuck is really hard work. You have helped me with many of my obstacles as you have guided D14 along with all the staff at Falcon Ridge.

Thank you so much. When are you leaving for the graduation? We are leaving for a short vacation in the Moab area on 3/19 so I will have a lot to catch up on when I get back on 3/24. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers while I am visiting this beautiful area, one of my family's favorites.

qcr         |iiii

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 13, 2011, 02:51:25 PM
thank you qcarol for your reply.

we leave the ranch wednesday morning to head to the airport.  we will be back at the ranch, w/BPD14 late saturday night 3/19.

perhaps we will pass you on the road somewhere... .near Moab.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: justhere on March 13, 2011, 06:27:30 PM
I too want to thank you lbjnltx for leaving this written account of your journey with BPD and your families way to healing and health.  I still have to catch up on your dd's earlier months at the rtc so I will be reading and learning for some time yet.

I want to give a special thanks to your lovely daughter for even at her young age to have the wisdom and trust in herself to see the truth. By her courage and commitment, she is already paying it forward and helping other BPDsons and daughters. The unwavering faith of you and your family ibjnltx is inspiring,


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: Togetheritispossible on March 13, 2011, 08:33:59 PM
   I am so happy to hear the honesty and earned praise that comes to these children when they let them selves become vulnerable and ready to do what it takes. You are a proud mom and one that your daughter is so vey lucky to have. I wish you the best on graduation day!


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 13, 2011, 08:41:48 PM
thanks to you all for your praise of our family, my BPD14, and falcon ridge.

it truly  is a blessed place.


ps. together... .i just sent you a pm :)

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 20, 2011, 12:45:52 AM
we are all back home safe, we are tired from the busy weekend and traveling all day. ;p

BPD14 happy to be home and be with her family and her weiner dog and crazy wampus kitty (pickles). 

i think we have everything done (just in the nick of time!) for her online school... .will spend tomorrow getting the computer set up and doing orientation.

thanks for all your support dear friends... .couldn't have made it without you!


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: swampped on March 20, 2011, 01:35:33 PM
You have been in my thoughts and prayers all week, dear lbjnltx.  I am so happy for you!  Will continue to pray that all goes well, and that dd's new skills serve her well as she "reenters".  Blessings to all!    |iiii     SP

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: peaceplease on March 20, 2011, 04:42:48 PM

Hi!.  I have been thinking about you this past week as well.  I am glad that things are going well for you and family.

May God bless you.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 21, 2011, 10:23:56 PM
had a good sunday... .BPD14 wanted to go to church so that she could help with the little kids during sunday school and the church hour.  told her that some things have changed at church since she was there and she might not be allowed to work with the little ones during sunday school, that they want the youth to go to their own class... .she said she didn't want to do that.  i left it at that.

dh took her to sunday school, i met them for services... .BPD14 was on the back row with one of her "little" buddies... .singing and happy.  when it came time for the 5 yr and unders to go to their class room she went too.

after church i found her talking to one of her old friends from a few years back... .before all the trouble started with BPD14... .we went to eat lunch with friends in town, BPD14 came too.

i asked her how sunday school with the little ones went... .she said she went to youth sunday school and it was alright... .then asked me  if she could go to wednesday night youth group... ."will it interfere with neurofeedback or anything?"... .told her "no, won't interfere at all"... .

today we spent most of the day... .with lots of  little breaks ... .trying to get acquainted with the online school and how to navigate the site... .she worked on several art assignments and i think she is done with art for the week... .it was quite frustrating at times for both of us!  BPD14 held it together very well and was cooperative... .

tomorrow ... .more online school... .social studies and perhaps some math... .a trip to town to grocery shop and pick up feed for the animals.  she has been invited to go to a soft ball game with the neighbors at the school she will attend next year... .told her "go ahead and plan on going".

having a great time with my sweet girl home!  tired though... .i stayed with her almost all day on her school work...


ps... .i forgot how much a teenager eats... .every hour she wants something... .if she would eat protein she might not be so darn hungry every hour. ;p

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 26, 2011, 06:02:22 PM
it's been an amazing first week home for my daughter.  she has done very well.  school is challenging but we just finished this weeks assignments (with the exception of studying for the taks math, tutor coming again tomorrow).  we had t w/rtc t on thursday... .went great, we had t with her t at home on friday... .went great, no melt downs, no rages, smiles constantly, very respectful, honest, such a miracle for us.

this is a copy of a discussion thread required for her health class.  this is what she posted on the subject of teen sexual activity:

there are many reasons why girls seek attention sexually, but my  reason was that i didn't get or want appropriate attention from my parents or positive people in my life. i turned to what i thought was going to give me the love i needed, and that included displaying myself as an Object and not a person to others. people looked down on me for the image i wanted to have. yes i wanted to be the "easy" girl that guys would constantly disrespect. i have been through a residential treatment center were i stayed there for 9 1/2 months and found out the real reason for my acting out sexually, as i have already said, it was because i didn't have or want the love i needed as a 13 year old girl. i have graduated my RTC program and i am 14 now. i am also moving in a positive direction.

i'm a proud and humble momma right now! :)

Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 26, 2011, 06:39:42 PM
WOW  |iiii  This is so great lbj. You D14 has worked so very hard to come to this place, and you have been right there with her the whole way - as you continue to be. She is so very lucky to have you as a mom.

Thanks for sharing - I was hoping to hear about your week.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 27, 2011, 12:06:34 AM
hello qcarol,

how was your trip to Moab?

glad you are back... .been missing you here!


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: qcarolr on March 27, 2011, 01:29:33 PM
We had a great time - feel very refreshed after break from TV, newspaper, and lots of sleeep. Emma did really great on the drive with a little help from a portable DVD player, books, and the dog to tease. Now to get back into the routine.


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: whiletheseasonspass on March 27, 2011, 05:53:25 PM
Dear lbj,


I know you have heard so much of this and I have said it too but it certainly bears repeating- just astounding all of this is for your dd and you and your little family- just how far your dd has come and it is thanks to you as her loving mother and your faith and that you found that phenomenal Falcon Ridge and that they had the wonderful program and the therapists - and how your dd learned to want to be healthier and now that she is at home - she WANTS to keep it going in the right direction.  She is 14 now but she will continue to grow and she WILL be amazing when she is 18- when she becomes an adult and she is on her own yet I bet she will always want you in her life- as her special mom... . 

You will see to that over the next four years... .and besides that- her desire to live life in a positive way seems so evident. 

You are your dd's mother and in my opinion - you saved her life! 

And not only that but you have allowed all here to follow your journey - detail by detail... .and what great teaching tools - you have shared with others and what hope you have brought to so many who came to this board in great distress.

Also I can see your dd using her story and to help others become better/ healthier people. It is clear that she is a very compassionate person- just like her mom and she has it in her to be a "teacher"... .just like her mom is. 

It is easy to actually imagine your daughter reaching the point in her life of self-actualization- what every mother dreams of for her child... .your dd will do amazing things with her life and you will be by her side until she is on her own. 

And one of the greatest gifts among many is how she trusts you... .and turns to you.  It has become clearer and clearer as you have been on this journey with your dd- clearer to her as time went on- that she learned - "got it" what you are about- she knows how much you love her and that you want the very very best for her and it is clear that she values this great gift- and thust it seems mighty clear that she has come to see you as her beacon in that motherly way -and that you are!


Title: Re: 10th month at the rtc... ready to graduate
Post by: lbjnltx on March 28, 2011, 04:57:10 PM
thank you wtsp for your kind words... .they are full of hope, light and promise!  i pray that you are correct about my daughter's future and that she leaves this world a better place than she found it at the end of her days.

i keep you and your daughter forever in my thoughts and prayers wtsp... .that one day peace will be yours.


Title: Re: Falcon Ridge Ranch Month 10: BPD d13 in residential treatment center
Post by: 473harman on December 20, 2016, 10:24:29 AM
Thank you so much for posting this. My daughter is in residential and its helpful for me to see the progression.