BPDFamily.com

I noticed my exBPD is wearing the earrings I bought her for Christmas in her FB profile pic with her new boyfriend. Also, wearing the hat she bought when she went home with me in the pic. Please, explain to me what this is about. I need advice please. I thought I had moved on when we both agreed to walk. Why wear that stuff. Am I missing something? Profile is set public when it was not before. I removed her from FB.

I think you made a good decision to remove her from FB. 

It is difficult to say why she decided to wear those items.  It is easy to assume somehow it was directed at you.  The simplest explanation is she thought they looked good and wore them for the pictures.  She is probably not sitting around trying to figure out how to bother you.  Though it can feel like it at times.

Kentucky,

It's the little things like this that will have your head whirling all the time if you allow it to.

When you decide to walk you have to give your heart and head a break and not look into everything too deeply or feed off of everything that you are concerned about.

Unfortunately (or fortunately... ) this really needs to be a time of controlling your emotions and letting these types of painful nagging questions leave your mind...   let it go...

whatever it means... what will it matter?  If you've decided to end it and she wears your stuff, if she is sending you a message that she wants you back, will you do it?  If not, then leave it be...

Focus on yourself and things that make you happy.

When we do this to ourselves, we end up allowing them to still have control over us and we can never really start to heal or put the attention where it should be... on our life and personal happiness.

Let her wear and do whatever she needs to do...   Live your life and be happy doing it!    take good care friend... 1bg

Hi Kentucky1,

I agree with what beyondbelief said. It may be she simply thinks that those jewelry/earings and the hat look good on her.

However, unless she has no other jewelry or hats that would look just as good on her as these earings that you gave her, then, I would say she definitely wants to hurt you. This is because no sane woman would wear the same piece of jewelry given to her by her exbf to take a picture with her new bf and post it on FB which is open to public viewing.  How else can one explain such behavior?

|iiii

Try to let your gifts go. She is wearing them and likes them. The photos haven't got any secret message or harm implied.

It is a possibility that hurt was the intent.  But certainly not the only one.  She may simply be not even thinking about the past and likes the earrings.  I am guessing they were expensive and if she is not attaching any emotions to them then she might well wear them.

In any event there is nothing you can do to control anyone except for yourself.  I once bought a non a $800 dress, the only time I saw her wearing it was in a Christmas picture she mailed me later.  She wasn't trying to hurt me but she did because I attached emotions to the dress that she didn't.  :)o I care in the least now?  No, until this post I had completely forgotten about it and am sure she has as well.

When you truly get to the stage of detachment, what she does will have zero effect on you.  Your efforts to reach this stage will be much more important than trying to figure out the reasons behind things they do after you separate.

I honestly feel more sad for the new guy. I wouldn't be too happy meeting a girl and see her wearing memories from an old relationship. I can only find three reasons for her doing this.

1. Show of to you how good she's doing now

2. On purpose wearing your gifts to replace you with him

3. Not even thinking about it

But as I said, sadly she doesn't take her new BF with a large amount of respect by doing this. It would be what I call, a bad start.

And then you checked her FB page and found something that bothered you.


You bought your now ex-girlfriend earrings for Christmas (that she obviously likes) and she bought a hat that she likes.  


She likes the earrings and the hat.  Nothing sinister or diabolical concerning you or the her new BF.

They're items that she likes to wear.


|iiii

Keep moving forward Kentucky1 and don't look back.  This was just a little setback in your recovery that you brought upon yourself.  It takes time, spend it on you! :)

You should defriend and block her from facebook. It is not mean it is a self preservation action. Do not look at or post to her on facebook. This is the first thing I did and fact even did it before I left my BPDex as he began using facebook as a weapon. Do not torture yourself Let go completely. Maybe a year from now, two years from now - but not now. Her behavior is calculated to keep a hook into you- if she knows you re in anyway sentimental. Be good to yourself and let go.

My ex bought me a necklace in Germany and is very unique and I love it, so I wear it.  It does kind of remind me of her but I think the necklace looks good on me and I get many compliments on it because it is different. 

However, I don't wear the ring she got me as a promise of forever, because that has a different attachment to her.

I don't think she is trying to hurt you... .I just think you have good taste in jewelry and she likes them.

I agree.  There's probably no meaning to it.  But yes, I would not wear meaningful things like engagement rings, wedding bands, etc.  But I can see why it annoys you.  I see an ex from 4 years ago quite frequently.  He had some kind of PD.  Probably BPD but I never bothered investigating.  I almost killed myself financially with him.  It took 4 years to pay off the debts with settlement companies.  He took no repsonsibility for the debts.  Anyways, it annoyed the hell out of me the other day to see him at a school basketball game with a coat on that I had purchased him.  No meaning to him.  But very annoying to me.

Wow! I comletely agree with what draft said!

She likes them; her emotional tie is not like yours and they are hers.  It sometimes is just that simple and not at all about you.