BPDFamily.com

It appears my daughter, 28, living nearly 2000 miles away, newly married, with a new infant (6mo. girl) is quite likely affected by BPD.  I have tears about what lies in store for her, her husband, and especially my granddaughter as this very challenging situation unfolds.  My wife, my daughter's step-mom, has been extremely loving and supportive throughout the past 8 months of drama storms blowing through our lives.  I feel extremely blessed in this regard.  

My daughter's seeming nightmare of wild mood swings, erratic behavior, and self-defeating life choices have been a mystery to us for the past year.  Seen in the light of BPD, however, it makes all too much sense.  Her symptoms fit the BPD pattern almost perfectly. She is almost certainly suffering from this disorder, along with PTSD/Anxiety, even though BPD hasn't yet been "officially" diagnosed.

Today she was self-admitted, for the third time in 6 months, into the hospital for treatment for Bipolar/PTSD/Anxiety.  Long term, we are hoping that her care providers can work with her to develop a treatment plan that she can live with.  In the meantime, it would be a help to know what to say and what not to say to her when she calls us in tears asking for support.  :)o we tell her husband now what we suspect?  Or let him figure it out later on his own?

Also are there any known somatic therapies that would be an effective adjunct to the more traditional approaches?  My daughter used to love Jazz and Modern dance.  I'm tempted to encourage her to pick it up again, as a way for her to express how she is feeling.

Thanks in advance for your kind suggestions and support,

Pranam  

Hi Pranam

Gosh, so hard that she lives so far, in one way it is hard but in another way, you cant do a lot as you are so far so its out of your hands.

Bi polar is similar to BPD, what makes you suspect BPD?

I wonder if it would help you to read a book called overcoming BPD by Valerie Porr, Im always going on about this book because I believe its helped us as a family to learn to change a little bit and changed the relationship with my dd so that we cope. It talks about how to talk to these people with BPD without conflict.

I think anything you can encourage your dd to do is always a good thing, these people need a focus and a routine in their lives.

Did she bring the baby with her to hospital? is it a mother and baby unit she is in?

You could speak to her husband, it depends what he is like, I mean will your dd go mad when she finds out? Id tread carefully there. You could ring the hospital and have a chat with them, ask them what program they are going to put her on can she have any DBT?  or MBT if they do that.

If she phones, its just good to listen to her and validate her, maybe give it all back to her and ask her what she thinks is the way forward, to empower her. Id tell my dd that Im always here for her but if she was so far away I cant help her but I prefer her to help herself having said that, I realise she cant always help herself if she is in a very bad way she cant think straight.

If you think her husband is stable you could tell him what you suspect and ask him to research it, I always say it in a positive way though, its not a bad thing, its a step forward, because when you know what is going on you can start to work on getting better.

At times, my dd hates knowing she has BPD, I just remind her its only  helpful its not your identity or to label you, its to help with meds and treatment. I have asked my dd if I could lend a book to her dh about BPD, she was very uncomfortable with that, so I said it would help their marriage and for him to understand her better,  but she said he does not like reading. So I am still working on it, trying to get to know him better so that I can ask him if he would like the book

Hope things start looking up.

Thank you heronbird, for your heartfelt reply, I'll check into Overcoming BPD.   At this stage, the distance factor seems overall to be a benefit, though initially it left me feeling quite helpless and subject to excruciating worry.  My d is nearly classic for the rejection sensitivity and diminished executive control criteria.  Her relationship dynamic with adult family members, especially her SO, is textbook BPD, along with the with very rapid wild mood swings-- quickly alternating between "basket case" & hyper-competent.  While co-morbid Bipolar is certainly a possibility, I'm guessing we are seeing co-morbid Anxiety Disorder/PTSD.  My current challenge is improving my own empathy quotient, and training myself to keep a level head and speak compassionately when I get triggered folie -- a somewhat daunting task to say the least.  Wish me luck.  I need all the help I can get!  |iiii

Well, keep posting here, its a good support and there is lots of resources on here to help you further.

Look up Valerie Porrs book, I think you will find it just what you are looking for.

Yes a long distance may be beneficial in a lot of ways,  but worrying too, still... .  we always worry dont we.