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I have been struggling since the day I signed her into residential.  Every day these thoughts run round and round in my head.  Am I doing the right thing?  Will she come back more in control of herself and ready to take on life and learn to be happy or am I screwing up and doing something that will damage and scar her and change her in ways I can't see?  Will she find the worst kids there and hang with them and learn how "cool" drugs are?  I just couldn't think of what else to do.  She was so unmanageable and I was so tired and hurt. 

Due to recent events... see stupid clinician posts and add in that I have requested birth control pills for the past 2 months and they keep forgetting, and I brought in a list of all the medications we have tried so he can see what we've tried and how much and for how long we tried it and 2 months later they haven't looked at it and have requested a new list because they can't find the one I gave them.  On top of that during her team meeting last Thursday  I was told that she was doing well in school and meeting all expectations and on Tuesday the clinician told me that I couldn't take her out of school today because they just realized she's failing English and in danger of failing math. The icing on the cake is that the unit she is in has gotten much more volatile over the past few weeks.  I went to drop her off on Tuesday after a home visit and was not allowed in the building because things were too crazy and too many kids were fighting/trying to awol.  I asked to keep dd for another half hour so they could get things under control before she came back. 

I called the residential center when I got home (this was on Tuesday) and requested they get dd ready to go and put any services in place that she will need.  The strange part is that I was told it could take up to a month to get the proper services in place but yesterday they told her to pack her things because she could be going home today, tomorrow, next week, or a month from now and she should be ready.  So she's sitting there now with her bags packed and waiting for everything to be put in place.

Dang it... I wasn't done and accidentally hit post.

Anyway, now I'm in the opposite position.  Am I doing the right thing bringing her home?  Things seem so crazy and unmanageable there and I worry so much about her.  At least there will be no more stupid clinician posts from me.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers when she comes home.  It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Someday I hope to change my name to sanenstable mom.  Think that's an unrealistic goal?

Dear crazedncrazymom,

How long has she been there? 

Has she learned anything about self or any coping skills while there?

What kind of a program is it?

Definitely keeping you in my prayers!

Hey Lbj,

She's been there for 4 months.  Before that she was hospitalized for 2 months following her 2nd serious suicide attempt.  I'm honestly not sure how much she has learned.  I know they talk constantly about coping skills (and she's been learning about them for the past 16 months).  She says she has effective coping skills now, but I guess time will tell when she gets home.  The residential she has been in is a state run facility.  The unit she was placed in is unofficially dbt so she has been working on learning all those skills.  I guess my biggest hope is that with all the placements she's been in (hospital, youth shelter (after she ran away from home) and now the residential center) she's learned that home with her family is the best place. 

Crazed-

What does your dd think of the situation? Does she want to come home? Does she seem any different?

Sending you good thoughts,

FM

I would suggest that you be mindful of communicating with her through the skills she has learned... .  you will soon see if she owns them or not.

For example, if she shows signs of the beginnings of dysregulation ask her "can you identify how you feel?" after you validate her feelings... .  you could ask her "can we discuss this situation in wisemind?"  if she is not able at that time  request that you each take a time out to get into wisemind and then come back together to discuss... .  or you could just ask her "what skills have you learned to cope with these feelings?"  and take it from there.

Let us know  how it is going.

lbj

We allowed our dd16 to come home a month ago. Before discharge we had a family contract in place for her to sign. It listed every privilege, things required to have each privilege, what would happen 1st, 2nd, 3rd time each responsibility was not maintained. We keep demands low & pick our battles. Also before discharge we had the entire uocoming month planned out w therapy & dr appts, including family & group therapy. We've had our ups & downs but w support in place things are improving. Keep us posted & take care of yourself!