BPDFamily.com

There are 2 kinds of people that have relationships with Borderlines:

1) Those that realize they can't have a stable satisfying relationship with a BPD

2) Those that haven't yet realized they can't have a stable satisfying relationship with a BPD

Once you realize this it becomes easier to deal with, even if you stay.

lurchlookalike you crack me up sometimes.

Aren't you a stayer... .  why are you posting this on Leaving?  Why not on Staying?

Love it !

Tanks /Careman

Leaving is just a state of mind.


That's what I'm here for.

:)

P.S. I love you. I hope you're female. Yikes!

And. Theres two kinds of BPD's in this world. 1) Female 2) Male.

ahahaha

lol

And... .  so, so true!

turtle

lolololololol!

Flirt... .  you love all the ladies on the board. lol

I'm getting the feeling things aren't great at home.  Could be wrong and just another day.

If ya don't mind me asking what makes ya stay?

I agree. This could be helpful for the stayers to realize staying doesnt mean they are somehow going to learn skills to make the pwBPD capable of a stable satisfying relationship. So, given that you know this Cantelope, why do you  stay?  Not being critical of your decision, just curious what makes people stay. I stayed with mine because I believed I could help him when in fact all it did was trigger him.

No I don't, well maybe I do but that was meant for you.

In answer to your question there are so many situations out there as far as families go, and factors such as financial obligations, children, practical considerations, ages of extended families, business obligations, health considerations, etc., etc. Plus all the infinite personalities and degrees of dysfunction involved. That's why I never 2nd guess somebody's decision to leave or stay. It's impossible to make that call from a distance, and very hard to do when you're directly involved. It eventually comes down to how well you and your family are able to function in the situation as it is, and what would be the total cost to change it for everyone involved. Is it worth it? The scales can be tipped either way by a nearly infinite variety of factors. Except in the most egregious circumstances there's no way to figure it out intellectually, sometimes you have to get right up to ledge before you can see over the cliff, sometimes you have to jump, sometimes not.

P.S. You can flirt too by the way.

I'm going to have to disagree with this, at least as far as the myriad of internet pop psychology is concerned. We have the Queen... .  and the Hermit... .  and the Waif... .  and the comorbid. A virtual smorgasbord of dysfunction! 

The Dude doesnt abide...

There's a lot of humor here, at least from my perspective, particularly so considering some of the screen names, pictures, follow-up comments, etc. It's all good, but I'd like to get back to the flirting if possible. Think about it, if you put those "2 Kinds of People" toghether for any length of time there has to be some "sparkin" goin on. Doesn't there?

I've attempted to turn this into a BPD Cyber Bar before with very limited success. I admit it has limitations but with a few drinks, a computer, and a good imagination, who knows?

Be gentle, I don't want to reflect on how really disturbed that idea is.

:)

Ah come on now ... .  BPD's but the fun back in dysfunctional

(like a broken leg)

Cool Nolisan, I think of it as the "func" (funk) though. It's funky alright, but not in a good musical way.

See all I'm imagining is a bunch of people crying in their beers.

This whole thread put a smile on my face and made me laugh. Interestingly enough cant reminded me of myself before I experienced my ex.

I was fun, flirty, and funny.(compliment to you Mr cant)

Now, I strive to be that man again some day. Though he has a point, why aren't these people going after each other here, we are thenons!

Sadly, it would probably turn cat fish very quickly.

Well you all made me smile. I had a crappy day. Nothing to do with the exBPD fiancé. Just a Monday. Now to go get the endorphins moving at the gym.

lurchlookalike,

Thanks, it's good to  lol.

My uBPDexg/f used to blurt out, in her happier moments, usually with her mouth full of sweet orange stuff,

"As long as there's Cantaloupe, I don't care."

:)

PP

Laughter was really at the heart of this so I'm glad to hear that, although there is truth in a lot of these posts (Beachgirl, hot screen name red-flag -I"m really trying to quit). I also find physical exercise very useful in coping, the kind that makes you breath hard and sweat (I'm not talking about sex, I have no idea what that does). Again another truth revealed, most of us are or have been starved for affection, and that is a problem.

AD, you're still the same man you used to be, it's just been covered up with BPD BS, not your fault. Your comment actually alludes to another truth in that sometimes developing a lot of coping mechanisms (like working out) can in a way work against you. It's normally a very good thing but if you stay in these situations long enough you can get so good at coping that you never really have to get out. That could be a drawback.

Somebody else said this might best be posted on the Staying Board, I think that's true too but I didn't post it there because most them would see it as "raining on their parades", not all of them probably but it is a hard pill to swallow for that mind set, finally realizing that you can never have a stable satisfying relationship with the person you chose to be with. I believe it is quite true though in the case of a BPDish partner.

One of the ladies here made a very keen observation about the "tools" in that they don't really make the relationship stable & satisfying, they may make it liveable however. Once you realize that you can deal with the situation more realistically, not trying to get honey from a hornets nest in other words. There's just no honey in there, and if you try you're just going to get stung, you can coexist with the nest however and admire it from a little distance.

I still am chuckling about some of the follow-up comments and screen avatars, this is a very good group. You have taken some of the "func" out of dysfunctional.

*)

There must be some transexual borderlines out there?

Good point, and that would be more than a handful, so to speak. Reminds me of a song that was generated by somebody's post a while back: "You Cheated with the One I Cheated on with You". Just a bit of the lyrics:



I knew we had a problem

I knew it was severe

Ain't no pun intended

But this is very queer

I found another woman

Then you found her too

You cheated with the one

I cheated on with you... .  

Chorus:

You cheated with the one

I cheated on with you

I been stayin up all night

Wonderin what to do

There's only one solution

I hope you will agree

We both can be a lovin her

While ya both are lovin me

This actually was recorded in demo form but no label has picked it up to my knowledge, country western genre.

I think i fell under the: "Scotty doesn't know" category.

but actually i did.

P.S. Thanks Cant