BPDFamily.com

Hey guys,

I broke down in therapy yesterday.

We were talking about letters of empathy i wrote to my family a long time ago.

I just lost it... .  seriously i didn't know i had it within me to cry that hard.

I felt an emotional release... .  and I am just pretty raw these days.

I just want to heal and not be in pain anymore.

I am tired of analyizing and analyzing the psychology of myself and others.

I am tired of worrying about how I make others feel all the time, instead of how I feel.

I just want to heal and be at peace with myself again... .  when i have had those brief moments of oneness with myself, it feels a lot better.

I am trying to accept things for what they are and look for solutions and that is easier than fighting against what is.

I am tired of looking at the cracks in the glass and just want to see clearly again... .  the big picture, and not fight so hard to fix broken glass cutting myself over and over again.

I am greiving for a messed up childhood, and a masochistic personality that I would not have chosen for myself.

I care about myself, and I deserve to be taken care of... .  so I will do that instead of projecting my own needs on to others.

I will embrace my emotions and allow myself to feel them... .  and try not to react out of defense and panic... .  and just allow myself to feel my way through things again... .  back in those rare moments when I trusted in myself, and acted in alignment with what I felt was "the greatest good" I did much better... .  than when I allowed myself to be influenced by the ideals of others, and or lost my sight of what my "greatest good" was... somewhere along the path.

Be patient and kind to you during this time stoic, this is the work.


|iiii