BPDFamily.com

My exBPD exgf was told by her therapist she has this trait. She had only been to see her a couple of times before we ended.

Basically, the trait is for her to 'write people' off very quickly when she's feels wronged or angry at someone. She's a strong personality, TYPE A women who is high functioning. She hasn't been officially diagnosed BPO but TRUST ME, she has all the attributes of one and I'm 100% certain she is.

My ex wrote a friend off because she is overweight, complains about it and then eats fattening food.  He found her to be weak and hates those types of people.  

That sounds like a black/white thinking coping mechanism - all or nothing.   It is also a trait commonly seen in NPD as well.

Whether she is BPD or simply have traits - it doesn't sound like someone you had a healthy relationship with.  How does confirming she is BPD help you to detach?

Absolutely.  This is a trait of BPD.  A great example of this was when my ex wanted to give our dog away because she couldn't train it properly and was angry with it.  It was a puppy!  I told her we should stick it out and eventually we did... . but now the dog lives with her parents (she essentially washed her hands of it!)

Yes, they write off and throw away things that have little value to them.  BPD's have few real friends because of this.  It's sad.

I know she is a BPD or has STRONG traits. How does it help me detach? I think it helps me understand her odd behavior and how I was treated. I won't take the hurtful things she did to me so personally based on it just being her condition or mental illness. I'm in my 40s and have had relationships with others. I've never seen a women behave the way this one has. I've never seen a women flip/flop in a matter of hours between I love you to death to "we are done" which has happened too many times. It help me put closure to the relationship as well. I clearly have my own issues that I need to identify and address due to tolerating her for as long as I did. I've dropped other women quickly in my past for doing half of what I allowed this one to pull.

To expos- You hit it on the head. She has no close friends, none. She's friendly with a nurse who helps her disabled child but that's it. Everyone else annoys her or get's on her nerves. Her temper is special. We broke up over xmas. She found out her sister texted me to see how I was doing. She stopped talking to her because she was a traitor to her. At the time, she and her sister talked daily and was her only real friend. This is her MO. Wrong her and she goes into FU mode and writes you off.

I had a wise member tell me once - you lived it, does it matter whether she is diagnosed or not - that kind of helped me let go so much of BPD itself and focus on how the heck I stayed so long.

It helped me with the closure as well. Since we rarely good closure on these relationships, having someone meet a mentally ill criteria does seem to help with accepting the relationship is really over.

If you don't mind me asking, what conclusions did you come up with in regards to yourself as to why you put up with it in your relationship? I've been searching for reasons on this site that we do put up with it and it seems to come down to us having low self esteem, self value or confidence issues, the person provided something to us that we were missing from our youth, etc...

The simple answer - I was looking for Disney dream - marriage, kids, etc

and I fell hook, line and sinker for the idealization... . I was at a low point in my life both physically and career-wise, thus willing to overlook red flags.

Why I stayed:  pretty much this entire article - https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

What I realized in therapy - I had married my mother, gulp.

Start peeling the layers and the recovery stories are all very, very similar.

Yes.

My hubby did the same thing.  Wrote people off over some silly perceived slight.  It also was alienating, because he didn't want to see my family.