BPDFamily.com

Ok... . back after 6 months of not posting... .

I will jump over the whole hystory and just say what just happened. I am sure the story is similar in lots of ways for lots of us!

Last time we talked was a bit over 5 month ago... . when he said he trully hates me for talking with his best friend with whom he just was in very deep bad relations... . (he painted him blacker than black). He is glad he leaves the country (he did medicine university in my country) and will never ever see me in his life... . that I "betrayed him and left him alone in the dark " (that is after he left me and refused any dialogue... . and cheated on me in repeted ocasion... . typical I guess) ... . and he was gone to marry a girl from his country... . I trully do not know what happened there but I heard they broke up in octomber... . anyway... .

A few days ago he made another fb adress (as he is blocken on his 2 fb adresses that he owns, on skype, yahoo, etc. plus changed my phone number since more that 1 year ago) and he wrote... . basically nothing... . just how am I doing and if I am ok... . did not respond... . wrote again... . I responded... . well... . I must say I am over this story... . and do not love him anymore, or fantasize about him since a long time... . but it just freaked me out... . he is soo scarry... . out of any logic and just... . shoked me... . basically told me he doesn't speak to his parents anymore (he is from a muslim family in wich his parents are very severe), he moved with a friend in an apartament... . that he is bisexual now... . and he likes it... . and that he is on very addictive drugs... . like crystal meth and other drugs... . injectable stuff... . he jumped from: "you are someone I hurt, you are a great person... . to I am a snake and will remain a snake... . to I hate you all, I gave you everything and you all did not apreciate me... . an agressive hate with lots of swearing and then abruptly said... . :) I am ok now... . I just explode sometimes and react badly... that's me... . hihi... . how is the weather there? " The most freaky part is that the discussion did not escalate in a normal way... . the moods were just in a very big contrast one after another... . and never answered my questions... . seamed like he was alone.

The fact is, I read a lot about the desease but now I just realized that you can see the real face only after you are over this person. He is someone I have never met honestly... . I don't know this persone. He moved from my country after finnishing medicine here... . went through the stress of interacting with people, breaking up with me, final exams, failing it first time... . arguing with everyone, moving back home, prepearing to get married and then breaking up and arriving to the present state... . I feel very sorry for him... . my heart hurts a bit knowing this kind of people exist in this world, with so much daily pain. It is different now though. I don't feel the obligation to do something. I don't feel his pain anymore. I was not angry 4 one moment during the whole conversation and trying to be right or listened... . was just... . paralized with meeting soo much crazyness... . The second day I wrote to him to please give up drugs... . blah blah... . He blocked me... . Then he erased his old fb account with all his friends, his family... . everyone... . and left only the new one on wich he has one new friend... . (yes, I cheked)... .

Today I am sad... . I cryed a bit... . my life will go on in a normal manner... . I will be fine... . I know it. I just thought of this place as the only place I could share this story in the raw way... . You all were my family during my transition from crazy-town to the real world... . so for all you that still wonder... . it does get better. I will never be the same, something changed inside of me back then in lots of ways... . but life will be beautifull again... . it will be normal, with bad and good times... . but they will still be the same... . if not even worse... . they will lead crazy painfull lives... . maybe untill they dye if they not seek help... .

I forgave my ex long time ago because I understood he is ill and I understood I was a bit ill too by thinking I can be anyone's saviour!... . just ... . today... . I morn a living dead... . a gost that still haunts arround here but never found his way towards the light... .

I wish you all health and peace! God bless!

  nonBPD 

and peace for you too. Its good to write these things down. Yes, it is sad.


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