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It´s now been over two weeks of NC. The weekend was terrible for me and I felt horrible. But yesterday after a therapy session I felt a lot better. But today I feel very bad. I am alone and I even thought about calling her but I logged in her to find the strength not to.

I´m going on a date next friday but still I´m nervous going since I´m still in this state of mind. But I guess it´s healthy to try to focus my energy somewhere else. Does anyone have advice on dating after this kind of relationship. I´m so low in self esteem after this and still miss her.

Is this really normal to feel this way?

It's very normal to feel that way in my opinion. I had a half expected/unexpected run in with my pwBPDexgf a little over a week ago after a month of NC, and even now it's hard for me to think about other women since that time. I even went and met a girl saturday night, and her roommates friend was hitting on me too yet all I could think about was the ex. Depending on how much they idealize us, and how they treated us otherwise it is really hard to let go sometimes. I think my problem is me and my BPD ex never had any of the rage or fighting like a lot do. We were always so kind to one another. She ran to another guy out of abandonment/self-esteem issues. After some email communications after our run in at a bar (she FB creeped me and saw I was there and showed up with her guy, but played it off as coincidence) we still have yet to be harsh. She's remorseful and apologetic, and I can tell she's lieing to herself about her happiness with him. This just brought me right back to feelings for her, after I had started to feel like really moving on. Of course our run in did give me some validation that she has not let go, when I feared I had been erased.

Take it one day at a time, and if you don't feel your ready to date, there is nothing wrong with that. You may need more time to heal. If you rush these things you may end up in a worse place with how you feel, or you might end up hurting someone who is truly interested in you. Play it by ear, and look to these boards for strength if necessary.

Yes. totally normal (unfortunately).

I'm trying to get the mojo to date... . Not really ready and am concerned a so so date will trigger feelings about ex.

I'm in third week I think since I ended it (again.) but for the first time there was LC first week or so and now NC which is extremely hard. I have good days and bad days but I am seeing glimpses into a brave new and better world... . the world that I was in before Crazyland.

Be Strong.