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Title: Won't take No for an Answer Post by: Lucky Jim on August 09, 2013, 02:58:43 PM Friends,
In my experience, those w/BPD have a problem with "No" and won't take "No" for an answer, which makes any kind of compromise in a r/s difficult, if not impossible. As soon as I said a firm "No" to my BPDexW, it would start a cascade of manipulation, including the standard FOG with the kitchen sink thrown in for good measure. She was usually going to do whatever it was anyway regardless whether I said No. The bottom line, I think, is that they have the emotions of a child when a parent says No to purchasing candy at the Supermarket. Have others experienced this frustrating form of interaction in their BPD r/s? Lucky Jim Title: Re: Won't take No for an Answer Post by: Shall1989 on August 09, 2013, 03:49:53 PM YES!
and experiencing it still now after breaking up. He won't accept that its over and take no for an answer. His persistence is exhausting and very annoying. What we need to try to do, and which I think I am doing atm, is allowing ourselves to become very put off by this behaviour. I keep telling myself, this is so unattractive, this isn't what you want from a life partner. It's like I'm being the devil/angel on my shoulder, giving myself encouragement by speaking to myself how I would to a friend. Love yourself, heed the advice you would give to others and accept that it will be hard, but reassure yourself that you can get through it. Title: Re: Won't take No for an Answer Post by: Validation78 on August 10, 2013, 07:26:05 AM Hi Jim!
Yes, I'm sure we have all experienced exactly what you described! It is preciously why the only way to deal with such behaviors is setting strong boundaries. Remember (you know this already). Boundaries are for us. They protect us. We cannot expect anyone, much less a pwBPD to behave in any particular way, yet we can control how we respond to someone else's behavior. Let's use your example of the kid with the candy. Me: No, you can't have the candy You: But I want the candy Me: I said No You: Stomping feet, crying, demanding Me: Walk away, don't look back Simplistic, yes, I know. However, just an example of how we can take control, enforce our values and boundaries by letting someone know we actually have them. Can you think of ways you could have done this in your relationship and had a different outcome in those frustrating times when you felt manipulated? Best Wishes, Val78 |