BPDFamily.com

Hi there!

I’m really dreading the upcoming holidays, Christmas and New Years Eve, and I expect some of you will feel the same way. So this is my plan: I’ve invited my family over for 1st Christmas Day to have dinner at my place, and 2nd Christmas Day I would like to spend with you on this board. Sounds a bit lonely and pathetic perhaps, but I think it’s the best for me.

I'm in a no-closure case, and the past weeks I’ve been gathering strenght to write a That’s-It letter to my (almost)ex-pwBPD and I will mail it to him after New Years Eve - there are some reasons I would like to wait till then. Instead of a flight away from the holidays, I prefer to be all on my own, feel depressed, down and out and mourn, so that I can rise and try to make a fresh start in the new year.

Anyone like to join me?

- Ever had such an inspiring Christmas invitation?   :)

Sounds great.I would love to come  .NB.xxxx

Count me in... .

i'll be dropping by   

Great! Looking forward to seeing you!   

By the way I'm in central European time

Nearlybroken, great! I've just been reading one of your posts, and can very much relate to your despair and bleak outlook on the future.  

   <-- my RSVP

 

Good for you!  I'll play too.

There's an opportunity here too.  Instead of deciding now you'll be depressed and down and out on Christmas, how about deciding it will be for YOU, and you're going to feel the way you decide to.  The Holidays can be stressful because they exaggerate emotions and come with obligations, but I've decided I'm going to do exactly what I want to do this season, and nothing I'm 'obligated' to do, unless I also want to; it's a next step in taking care of me, since I've been the only one who will lately, especially after borderline hell.

So instead of waiting till the new year to feel good, how about starting now?  It's just a calendar.  Just sayin'.

Hi Fromheeltoheal, indeed, this 2nd Day is for me!  |iiii

These celebrations are not just marks on a calender, they are the very things that make the calender. They are part of the fabric of social life. One can’t simply not-join; withdrawal from social activities at these occasions is not neutral, but a negative statement towards the people that expect you to celebrate it with them. Some will take it lightly, others will feel puzzled, insulted or hurt. Or perhaps this is different in  your country? In mine, it’s simply not possible to evade Christmas.

So, although I’m not looking forward to it at all, I’ve decided to invite my parents and brother for the first day. My parents are mid-70, and you never know, it might be their last Christmas. They know my pwBPD left me (haven’t told them any details about this whole mess), and invited me to their place for the 2nd Day. They feel terrible that I declined and that I prefer to stay at home by myself! But I need that to heal. They are good people and they love me, but it’s just too complicated to be with them the entire Christmas.

So, I’d rather have a toast with all of you here!

Yes, Christmas is a significant holiday with lots of meaning, and is supposed to be a day of love, laughter and family.  My point is there are people who expect us to celebrate it with them, but doing so solely because of that obligation, when I don't want to, is no longer OK.  I will be spending Christmas with supportive people who I consider my family, and engaging in connection and 'family', which is the point.  That mindset is new for me, as I'm finally learning to stand up for myself, as a result of lessons learned in borderline hell.

Two Christmases!  Very nice, enjoy them both!

Jonie, I agree with fromheeltoheal. Once that you have determined to disengage, you are free to "start anew", at least, starting from your internal state of mind, at anytime of the year.

I also dread the the fast-approaching X'mas and New Year's Eve.

There will be soo many environmental cues to remind me of the previous holiday seasons that I have spent with my uBPDexgf.

I am bracing myself and diligently doing my journal-writing to record all the negative, abusive memories that greatly outweigh all the sentimental, over-romanticization of my past BPD relationship.

The greatest gift that I will receive this year is the irreversible disengagement from my BPDex.

And the New Year resolution, for this year, and many years to come, will be to better my own life, treat myself right while staying AWAY from the gloom of the BPD storm cloud that has been ruining raining, snowing, hailing, thunder-striking on my parade.

Having said all that, yes, I am more than happy to accept your invitation.

Soldier of Sorrow,

I love your New Years Resolution!  Right on!

What time is the Xmas party?

D

Yes, I am dreading Christmas - my first in a decade without my husband. I'm rather trapped at home with a diabetic cat who needs insulin shots every 12 hours (not that I resent her for it). Otherwise I'd' be on a plane somewhere outta here.

My Mom and her husband are here for Xmas day, I have no plans for new year as yet. But I do plan to allow myself to grieve this year, but 2014 will be a line in the sand for me. I'm sure it won't be quite as linear as I'd like, but I do aim to try as much as i can to put the year, my divorce and all the rest into my past.

So I'll be around for the party. Please make it a time that works for us folks in Europe/the UK.   

Ah yes, I had a diabetic dog who lived to 12 1/2, and needed insulin shots twice a day, and that was OK, I loved her and would have done anything, I get it.  I did create an insulin network of diabetic pet owners for a while, and we would trade off injecting each other's pets when one of us would travel, and her vet was diabetic, so they compared notes.  I hope you and your cat have a wonderful Christmas!

Thanks! She's 18 - nearly 19, but still doing pretty good, considering.

I have found a former vet nurse to take care of her when I need someone, but she is away over Christmas. Besides, it wouldn't feel right to be without my cat. We've been through so much together. I don't have kids, so she means the world to me.

Ill try to pop by for awhile. Thanks for the invite!

I will probably be too ___ing depressed on the days leading up to that to join. Gratitude for the invitation, nonetheless.

i think you should come anyway. we'll all have a toast, feel better with each other.

Hey, we have a crowd!

Remember that Christmas is held on the darkest day (in our northern hemisphere),

to celebrate the return of the light, in whichever way you like to see it, so let us toast to that!   

Jonie, exactly what it is!  I will be there since you put it that way.  This will be a way to celebrate ourselves and who we are as humans.  We don't need anything else but each other and being the strongest humans possible.

To new beginnings!

I'll probably be there.  :)

It's not going to be the same if Ironmanfalls doesn't join in though.

My 3rd Christmas here!     I'll be in and out too  :)

I'll be there!  What a great idea.  And Ironmanfalls... .we want you with us.  and that's that.     

Ironmanfalls... .I think the best place for you to be is with people who you know you can trust,who will not judge and,most importantly know what you are going through.Christmas is a time for family and we are a family,albeit a cyber family from a range of backgrounds.I would like to say range of experiences  but that's not the case.We are all going to be mournful and depressed but why dont we all do it together.Please come IMF... .I have taken the day off work specially :-)NB.xxxx

I am in

ExuBPD did it because he knew it would hurt me, 2 days after we broke up, I called him, he asked " who is this", I said " its me R***", " who?"

Prick.

Ironman,

We need you!

Merry Christmas.  Everyone.  Please be well.  We are all thinking of you whether you are down or up or somewhere in between.  We are here for you!

For me, better than expected!

So grateful to all you all for keeping me sane.  I swear you all actually did that for me.

Just for you guys, I have stayed on here today posting.   to all.

Yay!

Merry christmas ironman falls!

Welcome to the last refuge of the doomed!

Only joking. Glad your ok.

Hope and peace to all tonight!

Merry Christmas group

Right ON IronMan!   So glad youre here!

And Naddred, refuge of the doomed?  Hahaha!  

Merry Christmas to you all!   I hope you are well

Ding dong, ding dong,  Christmas bells are ringing!

D

Hi seasons greetings from the uk where its almost Boxing Day. Too much TV and Turkey but only one argument - its nearly over - hooray!

Too many triggers today. Very emotional.

BUT... .

In reality, I have had a great time with my family, with my beautiful daughter who is staying with me and no arguments, no drama, no F#@&ING BPD!

Trying to look to the positive.

It was a good day. :-)

TakingWingAtLast-

Awesome of you to extend yourself for anyone needing support during the holiday season 

Your personal information was removed in order to abide by the confidentiality guideline.  One would hope that everyone would have each others best interests in mind, but users outside this board might use your information maliciously, and we want to ensure the safety of all of our members.

Again, thanks for being there for your fellow members.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas.  It is a year tomorrow that I found out my BPDex(whom I was dating at the time) had had sex with a close friend of mine and made out with my friend, as well as that she had been cheating on me for the past month.  I ended things with her 7 months ago, and while I was worried that this time of year would be triggering, I have instead found that I am so, so grateful to be off that crazy train.  It was not a healthy way for me to live, and while it feels like I went through hell and back throughout the detachment process, I am so blessed to be here.

Wishing you all well and happy holidays.  It gets better.

   I'm so glad to make it to this party!   

I'm so grateful to spend today quietly, nurturing myself with cross country skiing and excellent home made food.  I'll take a hot soak later, and have brownies and tea.  No fussing, no fighting.  I'm alright with being alone, and if if I'm lonely I believe it's better than miserable and confused.  Thank you all for your gems of wisdom over this holiday season.  It's really an amazing community to be a part of. 

I hope you all have a healthy happy holiday.   

Sorry about the breach of confidentiality, Octoberfest (and pessim-optimist).   I was in a hurry and didn't think it through.  Please accept my apologies.

So, if anyone really needs someone to talk to via phone or Skype, message me first and then we can talk further. 

I hope everyone is doing well.  Merry Christmas.  I'm telepathically sending you "Good Feelings" and "Happy Thoughts"  and "Yes, I am going to be Great when I get through this" via this amazing forum that has the capacity to send my telepathic messages though this board!   

The simple act of reading these telepathic messages is the key to having them put into your brain.   You will need to perform a single act in order to complete the transmission:  You will need to rub your stomach in a circular fashion while patting your head and then immediately all of the telepathic messages will be transmitted to you.

If you need a secondary retransmission, please reply!

D

Set a place for me! I'm spending new years alone... .no kids :'(, no family :'( no pwBPD :)

    me-he-herrrrrry christmas!   

Hi there all of you!   

It's a very comforting thought to know you are all here - scattered around this globe, but still in the same place. That's the most important thing I've learned from this forum, which is so valuable to me: that a break up with a BPD-partner is so much more devastating than a 'regular' break up. If I hadn't been able to read all your stories - all these sad, heartbreaking, devastating stories - I would have had doubts about my sanity. So thanks, thanks, thanks for sharing them!

The other week I thought: our situation is comparable to people who loose their partner by suicide - not because something is wrong with us or with our relationship, but because there is something going on in their minds, something that is too difficult for them to handle. Only, in some respects our situation is more difficult, because it is so difficult to explain any of it to friends and family and to get the necessary support. If we had lost our partner by suicide, we wouldn't have people shrugging their shoulders, saying: "Well, good riddance, it was a horrible man, wasn't it", or wishing you a merry Christmas without a thought.

As I am home alone for the entire day, I had planned to sit down, mourn, and prepare my That's-it letter to my practically-ex-pwBPD. Preparing the funeral of my life with him, so to speak.

As it turns out, a dear friend of mine just died and I have to prepare a speech for his funeral. So I'm going through all my journals of the past years to get the dates right... .So sad to see my dairy entrances of all the good and great times I had with my ex-p... .There had been so many things I always longed to share with someone, and he was the first one I could enjoy these with; things that to me are essential to Life. I can't imagine ever finding someone else for this... .

Thanks for being here - wish we could meet, toast and hug 

Jonie,

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.     Wishing you and his family peace during this painful time. 

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. 

I wish you strength to go trough your diary and trough the grieving of your losses.

Thanks, I find it's actually helpful... .This friend and my ex-p met at several occasions and got very fond of each other. Although my friend did see that my ex-p was not the best of partners you could wish for, he did see the beautiful sides of him.

Burying my friend will help me bury my life with my ex-p.

I didn't tell my ex-p. by the way, that this friend died... .Did think about it, but don't want to give him any reason to contact me. But it does feel awkward.

jonie i am so sorry for your situation   i hope you have strength these next days.

but - see what you've done for us? we had this party!

Thanks, maxen, yeah, strangest Christmas party I ever had  :)

Sorry

oMG that was supposed to b un the revenge thread im so sorry can somebody move it!

Wow Jonie,

Be well!  It's a lot for sure!   Please take care of yourself!  And keep posting!  We're here!

D