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on hermit borderlines.  I have found very little info on them.  I know my ex was a Waif but she is still a little different than other Waifs even.  She always feared engulfment almost from day one.  She would stay with me almost every night yet she would always return to her place in the morning most days instead of bringing her clothes to my house.  She would only be home long enough to change and I would see her at work 30 minutes later so it wasn't a case of living a double life (I don't think, lol).  She was very skittish and timid especially in public (maybe some avoidant personality).  She never left any of her belongings at my place in 3 years.  She seems to have hermit like tendencies yet she didn't like spending the night alone.  She did like to spend time alone at her place some though. 

I don't know when and if she replaced me but I am pretty sure once I caught her cheating she started looking because I told her I was going to leave.  I assume she replaced me once I left pretty quickly since most apparently do. 

It is almost as if she was torn between being a waif and a hermit.  She is 30 now and my guess is in the next 10 years or more she will probably be more of a hermit type.

I know each borderline is different but can any of you that had a relationship with the hermit type ring in on some of their actions.  I'm more curious than anything.  After 3-1/2 months I am still processing!

My first BPDexgf was definitely a hermit. I lived with her for about 4 years. In that time she never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. She always had some excuse as to why she didn't want to go out. It was pretty bad. If she was hungry, instead of going to get food on her own at the gas station, store, or numerous restaurants we lived by, she would wait sometimes more than 8 hours for me to get home and go get it for her. She would only take our dogs out once a day, and again, wait for me to get home to take them out again. She was on disability because of her disorder and pretty much just sat on our bed all day long on FB, smoking weed. She truly was a big piece of ___. And the very definition of a hermit.

wow... .mine wasn't that bad.  We didn't go out partying or anything but we went to dinner a few times a week.  She was very awkward with waiters and other people in general and she worked for me for 3 years.  She was very quiet and introverted (never joked with coworkers and always got mad when I discussed ANY details of our relationship, including the places we went to eat) Strange!

I am pretty sure mine was a hermit.  She was VERY private, and did not like any aspect of our relationship discussed with other people.  We would also go out to dinner, a movie here and there.  Most times when we went out we would go out to a nearby town because she did not like to be seen in public by people she knows (she is a teacher and claimed that parents bothered her when she was out).

But mine would often change plans if we were going out somewhere, resulting in us staying home or just going for a walk.

WOW, both of these exactly.  I just posted this on another thread!  She didn't even like for me to tell others when we found a restaurant that we liked.  She said I talked too much about our private lives to coworkers.  She would get so mad.  If i didn't want to do something that she wanted to do I would just delay it for about an hour and she would always want to do something different!

Mine was in Hermit mode when I met her, 8 mos out from a horrible short r/s, and 16 mos out from being devastated when the Love of Her Life left her out of the blue.

She even uses  the word "hermit" in some of her social media handles. The past 9 months, she went clubbing a lot... .with gay dudes, who are "Safe" I guess, not that it didn't make a difference since that's where she found her boy toy. I suspect she'll cycle back to that mode, in between medicating. She was always socially anxious and especially didn't like hanging around people her own ethnicity. That is funny, since looking like another ethnicity, her own people would often call her a racist word (yet another childhood trauma which served to keep her identity fragmented... .her own father used to do it!).

So partial hermit, yes, that is mine. Yet even when she is in her social element, I always sensed a certain awkwardness. Others did, too.

  My uBPDxgf has Hermit, Waif and Witch qualities, switching between them sometimes several times in a single day, sometimes staying in one mode for weeks at a time. Who's to say what makes them tick? I guess if we truly understood it, we could cure it.

mine was those plus Queen.  pretty textbook,  which made my " diagnosis"  easier.

Why do some not like to date their ethnicity?  Mine was the same. She has never dated within her ethnicity (Hispanic) and said she just wasn't interested in them. Very strange.

Same here. Mine's half Maori (native NZer), but all her partners that I'm aware of have been anglo Aussies. It's not like there's no other Kiwis around for her to meet. Weird.

Same here. Because of the rampant cheating by men. So ironic, eh? In one moment she even admitted that the hated the fact that she had become like her father (perhaps some trange sort of mirroring to attach?). I was warned after the fact by several hispanic friends too who weren't surprised she did it. I may now have this pathological distrust of them like she does... .cheating, abusive men and codependent, long suffering wives... .like her parents. She modeled their r/s, despite hating what her father has always done to her mother. Very messed up.

Mine said it was because they were womanizers. Funny... .My ex told me about how her father cheated on her mother with her aunt (mothers sister). I figured she would never cheat because she knew how horrible it was for her mother. I was wrong.

Her father was caught just this last year with yet another "kept" woman. It was devastating, again, to all of the kids. Interestingly, about the time our r/s started really going downhill... .I can't separate the other factors out like her possibly legitimate criticisms of me (which I can't process properly in a BPD r/s) and the added responsibility of raising D1, but still, I wonder... .

 lol I was about to post an apology to Waifed for us getting off the original question (Hermits), when I realised it was Waifed who got us off the original question! Any wonder I jump on here for 5 minutes and stay for hours! :)

Roll with the flow :)