BPDFamily.com

Recently, my BPD boyfriend broke up with me. It was out of nowhere, and I was pretty distraught.

I feel moderately better now, because everything he has done since the breakup has driven me to a breaking point. This is a long and complicated story, so I will make it short. He had a huge falling out with my best friends, and tried pinning me against them and them against me. Even though he broke up with me, he still sees me as being on his side. He pushed himself away from this group of friends we are both in, and then he went claiming he was cut out.

Basically, right now he is using me to get back into this group. I agreed to being friends with him (well, he didn't really ask) because I didn't want to lose him. He has manipulated me so much to the point of making me think that the friends I've had for years are terrible people for trash-talking him. My friends have completely different stories from the ones he has told me, and for some reason I believed him. I've came to my senses that it is HIM who is the problem. He keeps trying to get involved in drama within the group and making it all about him, and doesn't actually care about the well-being of his ex-friends.

No-contact isn't possible in our current situation, as I see him every day. He continues to try to talk to me and get my attention, then ignore me and act like I don't exist. I can't stand the games.

I still have feelings for him even after this... . I really do want him back... . but I can't let him use me.

I wrote a letter/email about how I don't appreciate him manipulating me. It's kind of harsh. I do accuse him of being self-absorbed now and when we were dating. I just want my dignity. Is this a terrible idea? How would he take it? I feel like I don't have a choice, even if I would do anything to get him back (which probably makes me sound like an idiot, I know).

Hi welcome to the Leaving Board. :)

It is a very difficult situation when there are those entanglements.  I was in a similar situation and found reading about the basic behaviors of BPD, reestablishing my boundaries and learning the staying board communication tools really helpful to bring down the conflict.

Eventually not engaging with the person may be called for depending on where you are at, what you are willing to put up with, etc may be a route to go.

I'd say the most helpful thing was to know what I really wanted too and to go from there.  These aren't easy relationships friend, acquaintance, or partner that's for sure.

It's good to hear you are reconnecting with friends.  That's important.