BPDFamily.com

OK, I'm the first one to say don't snoop on Facebook and block them which i did as she also did and I've never snooped. i noticed she checked my LinkedIn profile but I didnt bother to look at hers. We're six months into separation, total NC due to a restraining order which I'm contesting in court at the end of this month. (Not that I want to contact her or anything but the restraining order should have been placed on her and my replacement, not me. Witnesses have now come forward and it should be a breeze).

Tonight I see all these tagged photos of me and her on my Facebook page. She has not deleted my photos from her Facebook even though she has a replacement.

I am now in a long distance relationship with a lovely young lady and I really don't need her to see all these lovey-dovey photos.

Why unblock me? Why not remove my photos? What's going on?

But isn't it that if you blocked her you shouldn't be able to see anything either?

Good question. I blocked her from the get-go. She used a pseudonym all these years. I checked my blocked list from time to time and noticed that she had changed it to her full name, and then another name appeared on my block list being her full name with middle initial. I assumed she had simply changed her Facebook name and created a second profile and left it at that.

I untagged all my photos (six mouse-clicks per photo!) after saving the good ones and noticed that she is using her pseudonym again and it wasn't on my block list. It is now but in any case I had set my profile to private so that only my friends can see me all this time. Not sure how all that works.

Is this a recycle attempt?

Doubt it, she's prolly throwing the line in the water to see if you'll bite... .

Maybe, you will only see as time progresses. BPD's like to keep the doors "open" for all ex-partners, so they can activate them and re-use them when they need to. She will recycle you only when she feels the need to do so. un-blocking you on FB is not necessarily a recycle attempt, unless she starts to escalate once the need is there.

if you have moved on, you wont care if is a recycle attempt?

Recycling takes 2 - so it really is only a recycle attempt is you allow it.

More likely, she is using the pictures as emotional self-soothing on her part.  BPD is an attachment disorder; as such, pictures can give an emotional soothing for her... . since BPD also is impulsive - she likely is not consciously thinking about getting with you as much as interacting with you to soothe some emotional disturbance that may or very well may not even be related to you.

How are you emotionally with this?

Her emotional dysregulation is returning to a normal baseline.

If she's like my exgf, she keeps all ex's pictures on her FB. Will not let them go, still talks/texts them to this day... .

I won't play that game. Even though she probably still has all my pictures on her FB as well. For my exgf, we're like trophies... . or names in a rolodex until something happens with the current r/s... . then look out!

A pwBPD who doesn't properly attach to the SO also doesn't properly deattach from the SO either. Why? A pwBPD does not grieve the ending of a relationship.

Thanks for your replies. Yes I am OK with this - it just seems kind of weird to have left my photos up seeing as I removed all photos of her off my FB. The benefit here was that I saved some of those photos which I would otherwise never have had.

Also, I am perplexed how I blocked her yet she wasn't blocked. Lucky my settings were set to friends only.

I find it odd that she has a new guy and yet keeps my photos on her FB. Or is it over with the new guy? Who cares? I just don't want to be a part of it.

In the words of the Ironman, himself.  This is a reengagement attempt.  Aussie, do you think she is sick enough to try this so you violate your restraiing order?  If you had to think about that for one second... . see below:

Don't do what Ozzy Osborne sang, "I'm going off the rails on a crazy train!"  All aboard! Ha Ha Ha Ha... . Aye Aye Aye Aye"

I would like to add to the be careful about contact sentiments. Where I live, electronic communication and contact by third parties is covered in RO and Stay Away Orders. If you have a lawyer right now. You might want to bring it to his attention. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. One small misstep could cost you. If your ex is anything like mine, It's better to be safe. She can be vindictive. Especially when courts and money are involved.

I had some of the same questions.

I had already been blocked on Facebook, but was still getting the "I miss you" and "if we would have talked, we would be good now" texts.  She had already rebounded with another while sending these text comments so I tried to set the boundary that it wasnt appropriate and didnt want to be the other guy.  That I had unknowingly been the guy she was texting while with another previously and that I was the SO she was with while texting other men.  That could be considered blaming but was trying to express to her how I felt

She recently unblocked me, and I kept NC (I only found out because I noticed an older comment on a picture I still had up).  Days later comment was gone again.  This past week, a tagged picture she must still have appeared on my timeline and assuming she must have unblocked me again.  I did notice in the tagged photo her and her rebound are now her profile picture.  I broke NC, not sure if she had still me blocked on her phone, and politely tried texting asking her not to contact me through Facebook and that I was keeping low profile, not wanting things to be popping up so to please untag me from any photos she still had.  She responded must have been an accident because of an app she downloaded and made sure I was aware that she had already unblocked my phone number and received the text. 

My assumption is she was fishing for attention or maybe wanting to make sure I saw her new profile picture and I mistakenly empowered her with a response.  Its been about 3 months so she may be getting bored with the intense rebound <he was recently released from jail for 2nd DUI> and seeing what options are still available.  I have gone back to NC but the picture hasnt been untagged and I havent been re-blocked.  Im sure something is up where she wants to test the boundaries

Have you lot ever thought about just simply shutting your Facebook down?

I did this during our first break up in 2012 & have never fired it back up. I never had to play the FB guessing games & it prevented me from snooping too.

Best of all... . I don't miss Facebook at all. Not one little bit, and it's nice not having my phone blowing up with fb alerts about what every ___er had for breakfast, or pics of their roast dinner! And when you look at it, most posts are self promotion & very few use it for anything of any value to your day.

People even seem to think a little more of you when they say I'll Facebook you and you reply "I'm not on Facebook".


To me, Facebook has become a world of self promoting mobile phone photographers, who's favorite models are their own meals! FFS!  And those who don't think they're the David Bailey of the phonograghy world with their iphone galleries, prefer to just private message their ex's! Or worse still, conduct inappropriate conversation with their friends SO's!

Facebook is a rampant arena of self promotion & silent subtle deceit. If you really need that $hit in your life, an ex blocking/unblocking/tagging/un-tagging etc, is part of the unhealthy cyber-world you're choosing to immerse yourself in!

If detaching is important to you, and you're serious about it... .GET OUT OF THAT COMMUNITY for a while.

Aussie0zborn,

This is both a recycle attempt, and a means to get you "started" up before your court date. She is baiting you for a reaction, so that she can walk into court and show the judge that you have been "cyber stalking" her. She has told her "replacement" that your pictures are up for court purposes. Which is partly true. She is using them for her "you" fix, and she is using them for court as well. The replacement has no idea what he is stepping into. Our last recycle was based on an indirect google talk message. That was enough for us to start up again.

Your page has been stalked by her since you have broken up. I saw my ex do this. They never let go, you are apart of the "club", and only you can cancel the membership. All of the stories that you heard about the other guys... . you are now one of those stories. You are the last "abuser" In the story line.

I went through the court thing as well. I never threatened my BD in any way, and I was in court, it cost me a grand, and the judge through my case out in less than 5 mins. She had nothing on me. There are articles about BDs, and having restraining orders. It is very common for them to file them.

I watched mine file one on her exs new girlfriend for nothing. I have been with my BPD four times total, I have been no contact for almost three months. This happened to me Oct 2012, we got back together sometime in January of 2013. I asked her why she had filed it, she said "you are the only person on this earth that could destroy me" you knew what my deal was and you had to be kept away and "dealt" with. I am done... . done... . with her now.

After 3 years of her 100 of ours of research, and realizing every woman I have been with including marrying then divocing I know what I am talking about... . LOL I have earned my BPD badge.

One last thing, I am a caregiver by nature which is a nice way of saying that I am codependent. Which for me means I have a good heart, and don't plot, or plan... . I follow my heart... . here is the important part. They BPDs you are an object, (this has been read by me, then processed, then realized) you will see that at some point, you are a thing to them. not a feeling breathing human being. You are a chess piece in their game of life. Everyone says that, so it really has no meaning. Here is what I am really saying. You are in a war with her, that you have, or had no idea was happening, and she is making strategic decisions in said war. She is planning, and plotting... . do not forget that.

I am not trying to be dramatic but these people are very dangerous, and I used to joke with my BPD that she should have come with a warning label... .

I now believe that they should... . and I am being serious. I hope that one day these people have to disclose that they have been diagnosed with a PD, or BPD to their potential partners. Only then do I think people will stay away from them, and they will be forced to get help... . before destroying other peoples lives.

This disorder has cost me so much in so many ways.

I have major issues with overall hands off approach that I see on the PBD sites an forums. Just stay away, NC let the next guy deal with them... . I think we should let everyone we know what their deal is to protect them form the known BPDs. Most BPDs have no idea they have a disorder, its normal behavior to them. For me what makes this unique as far as disorders are concerned, is that borderline personality disorder reaches out and touches everybody within a 20 mile radius of the person that has it. They get the whole family, friends, exes, pets involved. Even my dog was acting out, and was jacked up for three days after she left... . the freaking dog... . not joking... .

I will never do "one" again... . they are toxic, and destructive, and I am not even angry anymore, and I still feel that way. I am aware of it, I acknowledge it, and I avoid it like a giant dog turd in the grass... .

Keep on keeping on brother.

As heinous as that reads, i actually agree with that. As long as a pwBPD is surrounded by enablers, that path of destruction will continue. I have a mental illness(Major Depression) and i relay that very fact to those closest to me. Not that my disorder will have any detrimental effect on said persons, but it is my responsibility to have those people aware of that. My exUBPDgf is aware of her disorder. And has done nothing about it. Her disorder has DIRECT DISASTROUS effects on the person closest to them, namely the SO, which was me. She had a responsibility to tell me that LONG ago before i ever invested any feelings. So her irresponsibility has cost me greatly.

Old but wanted to add my take for any future readers.

11 years with her. Broke up 10 months ago. She blocked me 3 months ago and did the restraining order thing.

She just unblocked me. Her profile pic is one with her family, she looks like hell. No idea what's on her page.

I moved 2 hours away so I wouldn't even run into her on the street. We are toys.

To express.this even clearer. When she started therapy, she convinced her therapist I was abusive. 3 weeks into therapy and the therapist was telling her to leave me.

After we broke up she did her BPD thing and the therapist realized the mistake. Ex started hanging out with her sisters friends and had sex with both the guys her sister liked. She went back to being anorexic and piping pills. To top it off she was demoted at work. Eventually she alienated all the new friends and she is alone again.

To bad for her. I've had enough time to rebuild my life and I haven't scared off anyone.

Space is a good thing if they have no real want for improvement. You are better off.

State wrote----

For my exgf, we're like trophies... .  or names in a rolodex until something happens with the current r/s... .  then look out!

   Yes they cling to ex's either mentally or physically... .when you say "look out" do you mean when the current r/s hits the rocks or ends, they start calling the names of the ex in the rolodex?

Ironman wrote ---

  They don't grieve the ending of the relationship

   True... .maybe it is too painful for them to grieve it, so they deny it by keeping photos up, or by telling themselves they'll contact the ex in the future, so the ex is not really "gone"

node4 wrote

There are articles about BDs, and having restraining orders. It is very common for them to file them.

-----I have heard of that... .what causes them to do that? Push-pull?  Attention-seeking? Something else?

Yes it is, once my ex threatened me with one out of nowhere. I simply asked if she wanted to keep speaking and she said no.

it's been 4 1/2 months and I have had her blocked on everything since then.

I saw her walking with my replacement's replacement about months ago. It looks like she downgraded by a good amount.

If I ever get contacted by her again, I will ignore it. I am not going to get into legal trouble over trying to force a relationship with a mentally ill individual.

my BPDex is the same, she has a few pictures of us even though there are pictures of her and the new guy. Why should I care? Just move one. I think pwBPD absolutely love social media because of the easyness to manipulate your image on it. So you should assume everything they do is a lie (or not entirely the truth).