BPDFamily.com

OK it's Sunday here in the UK again!

And we know what that means... .  

Ok so last week was the 1st time i'd seen my BPDexgf in 4mths... . 3 seconds of pain, ouch... .  though a nice feeling to turn my back on her.

Today I've been invited by 2 nice women to go back to the church service and then have lunch with them and their friends... . not the worst offer of my life!  met these 2 girls a few weeks back and we had a really good movie night last Thursday... . so once again, I'm going back to church, risking the BT Tower beacon of doom and putting myself in potential danger... . 4 services per day, so I figure a 1:4 chance, maybe 1:2 (as she prob goes to 2 services to repent A LOT)... .  but again, I'm going for me, because I like it, and because I'm meeting new people and that's making me happy...

fingers crossed... .  

It's strange but I don't 'sense her' like last week... . -I Think that's the weirdest feeling of all.

Having a beer with a best friend after that :)   :)

|iiii  The more you see it this way, the more it will be this way.

What are the chances you are moving on?  |iiii

You know what?

I think i'm kind of getting there, goodness it's been 4-5mths.  Found myself looking up new jobs today in central London -again, for me, because I like it there and was living and working there years before my BPDex ever came into my life. 

My T said to me yesterday... . "why do you work for yourself and go from house to house, when you were really good at your past life and your career was flourishing?"  ":)on't be afraid to step back into your past career, irrospective of whether it pays less, just because SHE made you feel like you were worthless on that salary" 

Kinda realised today that I was good at what I used to do, really good.  My ex had no right to knock my confidence out of me or my sense of worth -so maybe a new start and new job is the next step?

And yes, having lunch with 2 pretty girls is also a milestone for me.  Nice to feel attractive again, haven't felt that in... . god, a year? 

Don't want a relationship though but new friends is fab :)

I'm glad for your realizations.  It's evidence that recovery is possible.  And with that evidence, we have the right to hope and faith in our recovery if we continue to work for it.  

 Issues of self esteem are at the core of my loss to my ex. And FOO issues that caused me to simply survive my childhood.  You're doing it.  I've learned what I want to do in my occupation as well.  I have changed jobs three times since the b/u over the past two years, all to areas that I wanted.  It's not the money or prestige,  it's the fact that I'm feeling good about myself to face the world, instead of constantly allowing myself to believe that I was the cause of the flaws in the world.  It's too much of a cross to bear, since I'm neither Jesus or the Buddha.  Just Tausk.

Friends is a good thing.  And friendship is what I never had with my ex wBPD.  I thought it was friendship, but that was an illusion.  So taking the pressure off myself and just being a good friend to others was a very productive response to my pain.  Supporting other people who are also givers, has given me new support and strength.  We are not lessened when we give to givers.  We are strengthened.  But we a lessened when we give to takers and expect it to make a difference.  

And I also found that it's cyclical.  So a "good" day is just that.  And your good feelings shall pass.  And I'm sorry to tell you that it's likely that you'll feel like a raving maniac again some day.  :) :) :) :)      

The difficult days are going to come.   But remember the easier days, like now, so when the difficult days come back, you can remember that there were times when you felt better.  And know that the difficult days too shall pass.   Until the easier days far out number the more difficult ones.

And by working recovery, as you are proving, we may move through the necessary pain quicker and with more growth, and reduce the unnecessary suffering.

Thanks for posting.  Thanks for you kind words.  Thanks for your courage.  We all benefit from our giving on this board since we are all giving to givers, and sharing with sharers, and growing with other people who can grow.


Not to take your inventory, but what helped me with these quotes like above, was to rephrase them as something like:

It was a mistake of me to allow my ex words and actions to erode my self confidence.  My self esteem/confidence is something that I, and only I have control over.   As I work my recovery, as I look at my FOO issues.  As I gain understanding... . I learn who I am, I accept who I am, I have compassion for me, I forgive my errors in judgement especially since many error were a result of childhood survival techniques... .

And as I learn these things, I don't have to apologize to anyone about who I am, unless I believe I should.  And I do because I know who I am I take responsibility today.  No one can MAKE me feel anything.  I feel because that is my choice to have those feelings, and I am responsible for responding and processing them.    No one can make me do anything.  I choose my actions.   I forgive myself in losing myself to the Disorder.  I was a perfect candidate for my ex.  But not today, not tomorrow, not ever again. 

hey DIamonds, this is really good and resonates with me too.

Your ex (and mine!) had no right whatsoever to knock our confidence back... .   do you think the motivation to build your confidence back up would help in the detaching process?

Thank you everyone,

Had a really lovely day -went to the morning service and not the 6pm one so didn't bump into her... . after last Sunday, my gut feeling was she'd be at the 6pm to see if i'd show my face again! 

After church I had a fab lunch with about 12 people -v healthy and good people, then a hot chocolate with a friend... . lots of chatting and opening up.

Still miss my exBPDgf badly but strangely I didn't feel the 'hurt' or pain today in anywhere near the same intensity as a week or 2 back... .  

She's there beneath the BT tower of doom, but today was a better day x

good stuff Diamonds :) |iiii

creative action indeed helps quite in the healing process.

BT tower of doom 

For me IT WAS/is(ish) the BT Tower of Doom!

It's cost me £2000 in tharapy over the past 2 mths just to be able to walk within 100m of it... .   bloody thing can be seen all the way from Clapham junction and Wimbledon too (5 miles away +) and she lives about 35cm from it! 

I'm nearly laughing...

In November and December I remember having to sit on the right hand back seat of the district line trains just to make sure that I couldn't see the tower on my way to work... .   if those seats were filled, panic would set it... .

It's a strange thing fear... .   (and trauma)

you made me smile with above :)  |iiii

keep moving forward!

One step at a time.   :)

I foresee one day you are able to post about walking thru the doors of that building and taking the lift up to the top and looking out to city below you.  And seeing how small things are from that height. .  Like a dot on the map.

She's there beneath the BT tower of doom, but today was a better day x[/quote]
Hi DiamondSW,

That really made me laugh! Sorry to hear about your agony, but sometimes one can relate so much it makes you chuckle. It's good to know that we're not alone in this mess :-)

Stay Strong!