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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: zeromoogle on March 11, 2014, 05:11:04 PM



Title: Not looking forward to the next couple of days.
Post by: zeromoogle on March 11, 2014, 05:11:04 PM
I thought I was doing okay, but today kind of blindsided me.  I dropped my partner off at his cousin's house during my break time so that he can babysit her kids.  He wanted me to go by after work because he found something our house that proves that I'm trying to hide and not coming clean about everything. 

I'm not sure what he's talking about.  In the past I have been accused of everything from cheating to setting our computer up so that I can control it remotely from my computer and monitor him.  With each new accusation, he claims that he has proof.  Usually he either fails to provide proof, shows me computer files with unreadable gibberish, or a scribbled note that deals with work that I forgot to throw away.

I think it may be that there has been some improvement with counseling.  Things haven't been perfect, but they were a cake walk compared to what I was dealing with before.  There were a couple of sleep deprived episodes last week that I'm not sure I handled correctly, so I'm already mentally preparing to attempt sleeping in the living room tonight.


Title: Re: Not looking forward to the next couple of days.
Post by: Love Is Not Enough on March 12, 2014, 01:13:05 PM
Yeah, the accusations get old. Just looking at my phone sometimes is enough to set her off. Best thing is to stay calm and do not overreact to whatever it is. Even if your reaction is what anyone would do (surprised face and voice) they tend to take it as verifying their suspicion. Keep a blank face and speak calmly. Definitely do no JADE as it will just start a circular argument that will lead nowhere. Use SET and this will usually stop any argument. If not, then disengage and take a timeout. Let them work through it themselves.

What was found and how did you handle it?


Title: Re: Not looking forward to the next couple of days.
Post by: zeromoogle on March 12, 2014, 03:14:44 PM
Apparently, some time back, he jammed some clothes hanger wire and window curtain through the locks of the windows to make sure people couldn't open the window outside.  The clothes hanger wire was missing, and he's sure that I removed it.  I'm pretty sure that he didn't like the job he did, removed it himself, and promptly forgot.  He also says that the computer was set up in a suspicious way.  I'm not quite sure what that means, but then I have never quite understood what he means when he claims that I'm doing something to the computer.  I'm also shaking the bed just to make him anxious, another accusation that he frequently makes.  I think he just feels like the bed is shaking because of anxiety.

I tried to ask him about it earlier in the evening, but he told me that he was just tired and feeling anxious. Instead, he decided to bring it up at about 11:00 at night, right as I was falling asleep. I told him that I didn't even realize he had rigged the windows to keep them from opening, and he claimed that he told me about it and that I must have removed the wire.  For what reason isn't exactly clear, but he seemed to think I did it on purpose.  I told him that I didn't remove the wire.  I also told him that it was late and that I needed to sleep because I had to go to work.  He said okay, and then he told me that there will be hell to pay if I shake the bed.  It was at that point that I realized that he wasn't really interested in backing off, so I told him that if it is a fear that I'll shake the bed, I'll simply sleep in the living room.

I went to the living room and laid on the couch he yelled at me for abandoning him.  He came into the living room and asked me if I was going back to bed.  I told him that I will not go back if I'm being yelled at and that I will stay on the couch as long as there is the fear that I'll keep him up by shaking the bed.  He went back to the room claiming that he now had proof that we were no longer together.  That kind of hurt my feelings a little bit, but I basically ignored him afterwards until his blood sugar plummeted.  He has diabetes, and I don't think it's been under control since I met him. I ended up making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for him, which took a little bit of coaxing to get him to eat.  I've actually had to call an ambulance in the past because he refuses to eat when he's mad at me.


Title: Re: Not looking forward to the next couple of days.
Post by: Love Is Not Enough on March 12, 2014, 03:58:43 PM
That definitely sounds rough. I really hate when they bring things up right at bedtime. That is very frustrating and the last thing you need is less sleep! Especially when it blows up and takes up most of the night. Definitely try to disengage from these type of situations. Although it seems like whatever you do ends up being the wrong answer. You may have to leave the house for a bit until he calms down. Just be sure to tell him exactly how long you will be gone and return as promised.

Is he on any medications? It sounds like he could use something for the anxiety.

My gf's paranoia improved a lot on Prozac, but unfortunately she did not like how it turned her into a zombie so she stopped taking it.


Title: Re: Not looking forward to the next couple of days.
Post by: zeromoogle on March 14, 2014, 04:27:47 PM
He's on Lorazepam for anxiety, which helps some times.  I have told him that I will leave if I feel like I need to, and I've followed through a couple of times.  Thankfully it hasn't come to that in a while.