BPDFamily.com

Woah, that was an intense 24 hours!

While I was at work on Saturday, uBPDh went to his parents' house for lunch. Something happened while he was there that led to him claiming he's "never going to talk to his parents again. If they come visit, I will leave." I spoke with his mom who claimed that his sister was railing against teachers (uBPDh's job) but nobody really ganged up on him. uBPDh is angry that his mother did not take his side and defend him.

Now, uBPDh does the same silly thing to me. I MUST defend him, even when he's wrong, or he's offended. I'm used to this. However, his mom told me he needs to grow up and that he can't treat people this way.

Well, yeah, she's right. However, this is going to be messy for a long time. His mom doesn't get, or doesn't want to get, that he doesn't think like we do.

uBPDh was highly offended his parents didn't call to apologize or come to our home yesterday to apologize. He's wrong, because his mom called and he immediately handed the phone to me. Thankfully, they didn't come, because uBPDh said he wouldn't have answered the door. He then proceeded to say "If I had a child with this problem I WOULD BE AT THEIR DOOR, ringing their doorbell for two hours. I don't understand why my parents abandoned me like this."

Is there an underlying cause? Yes! Of course! There always is! I'm thankful uBPDh voiced it this time. He's still upset with his parents for not coming to a big concert in which he directed a piece during the intermission. This is something that's been going on for a long time. He's been a musician since he was six but says his parents have only come to three or four concerts of his during his life. However, his parents didn't come because they had to take care of grandma.

So, how on earth would you approach this issue? There's a battle royal between my husband and his parents and I'm sandwiched in the middle. I know it helps me to know the root cause of these blow ups (there's always something else: a concert, etc.) but I am sure his mom is going to think I'm a drama queen and that her son is just like everyone elses' son and that he just needs to grow the Dickens up.

One last thing: I brought up getting help. uBPDh's comment was "I'm a psychologist, I don't need to talk to another." I wish he never studied psychology.  :'(

Sorry for such a stream-of-consciousness novel of a post!

UPDATE: It's amazing how much of a roller coaster this life is. He just woke up and he's perfectly fine. 24 hours ago I had to cancel a class because there was basically a tornado in my house and I didn't want my student to see it.   I'd love to be able to get over things this quickly.

Hi montanesa,


of course there is a storyline to go with every drama. Emotions conjure facts - magical thinking is a sign for BPD.

Can't fix the relationship between the two parties. Getting involved sets up a KAPMAN triangle (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0) and ensures perpetual merry go round.