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Title: How must I use SET to get my needs met? Post by: itgirl on March 27, 2014, 12:48:52 AM My best friend of 18 years got diagnosed with cancer yesterday. I went with her to the hosipital to get the diagnoses as the doctor said to bring a friend. Phoned my uBPDso and said that I will be spending time with my best friend and she must please join us after work.
My best friend and I was waiting for my uBPDso but she never showed. When I phoned her she would throw the phone in my ear. Not speaking to me at all. When I got home after 10:00 PM she was livid and didnt greet me at all. I asked her to please just throw her arms around me and give me a hug as I had a tough day. She had none of it and decided although I am crying and I am hurt that I didnt deserve a hug. I explained to her that I am not getting my emotional needs met. That I support her everyday emotionaly so much and just this once I would appresiate a little support. She had none of it. We went to bed. Is there any tool on here that I can use to get some kind of support from my SO? Or must I just accept that when it comes to my needs I might have to look at my biological family for support. I would like to bring this up with my partner tonight or tomorrow when things have cooled off. I am using validation and bounderies but have yet to use SET. How can I use SET to explain to my partner that I have needs too that I would like to be met. Title: Re: How must I use SET to get my needs met? Post by: an0ught on March 27, 2014, 02:49:57 AM Hi itgirl,
this must have been an extremely difficult situation with your friend The inconsiderate behavior of your SO shows that she is a bit dysregulated. I suspect that your friend suffering from cancer is pushing her abandonment and fear of death buttons. Rather than confronting her I would share some self validation e.g. sharing that this situation was tough and you were reminded of your own mortality. Confronting her when you are distressed about lack of support and she is distressed due to herself having an increased need of support may not be leading to positive outcomes. Title: Re: How must I use SET to get my needs met? Post by: itgirl on March 27, 2014, 03:00:41 AM You hit the nail on its head an0ught. She had a fight with her folks the previous night and she is dysregulated. If i bring it up now there will be chaos.
As soon as I posted this new thread I validated myself. Sent her a text to validate her and I feel better. Like your signature says: posting here is validation squared. Thanks |