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Title: One thing I have leaned with my r/s Post by: MissTajo on March 28, 2014, 09:21:18 AM Having a relationship is hard. Having a relationship with a BPD is even harder. Some days, even hell. I have seen in myself a lot of changes in the last year and a half. I'm a much more calm person. I have more patience. I listen more. I'm less impulsive. I think before I talk. I can even say that I've grown.
And he is growing with me. Some symptoms are still there and we still have a LOT to work on. (the lies for minor things, the mind getting blurred for mundane situations, the harsh words... . ) But we are getting there. But there is one thing that has helped me , and him, to deal with all the turmoil: When I am strong, he is strong too. When I am assertive in what I want , he respects and appreciates that. When I think of ME, he thinks of me too. He has been very supportive of me in my decision to go back to school and study. That as given him a sense of being proud of me and turned him into a more loving bf. When I simply have to do something, and I say to him that I will do it (and not stumble on my words afraid of his reaction like I used to do) he respects it. While in the begining I was always afraid to talk, afraid to think of myself , afraid to trigger the BPD in him, now I am not afraid and I think of myself much more and it is better for both me and him. Just sharing some thoughts with you guys. Title: Re: One thing I have leaned with my r/s Post by: an0ught on March 30, 2014, 04:21:57 PM Hi MissTajo,
Having a relationship is hard. Having a relationship with a BPD is even harder. Some days, even hell. I have seen in myself a lot of changes in the last year and a half. I'm a much more calm person. I have more patience. I listen more. I'm less impulsive. I think before I talk. I can even say that I've grown. And he is growing with me. Some symptoms are still there and we still have a LOT to work on. (the lies for minor things, the mind getting blurred for mundane situations, the harsh words... . ) But we are getting there. But there is one thing that has helped me , and him, to deal with all the turmoil: When I am strong, he is strong too. When I am assertive in what I want , he respects and appreciates that. When I think of ME, he thinks of me too. yeah, our leadership matters. We may have initially taken their strong statements for a sense of direction but after a while we all learn that following their lead is not always the wisest thing to do. We need to set out our own course. For some this may come natural - just remembering how they acted before walking on eggshells - for others it may be a longer learning exercise. Being clear what we want and do not want as individuals for ourselves is a big part of it. |