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Well she has gone NC again, she derailed an arguement into a slanging match purposefully and I think she'd rather me be out of her life now.

I really thought she was the one and I have kept a box with momentos and love letters since day 1, 4 and a half years ago.

Do I throw this away or do I keep hold of it? I don't know if I'll ever be able to appreciate it again but if I can and I've thrown it I'll be unhappy I guess?

What do you think?

I don't want to chuck them but I feel like making copies and sending her a zerox of the lot. I don't want to be the only one responsible for these memories. They are her responsibility too.

You know it's hard when everywhere I look, everything I own, everything I'm wearing reminds me of her at some point in time.

I have been leaving my very own watch off for this reason. When I drive down the roads I miss her company.

I am truly tortured. She left 2 days after my birthday after isolating me over the years from nearly every single person I know, including my brother who hates me.

I have noone anymore except painful memories of an unrequited love, forever in the dark alone. This is all I have to look forward to right now. The pain hurts so much it has very real physical manifestation. This is how I feel.

What does she feel? Nothing. She is Nothing. In every possible way. All revealed to me at the end of this journey in the cruelest possible way.

Yet I yearn for her, I try to be strong, I just got together the remainder of her stuff that she conveniently left behind, infecting my life. I have put it in the garage and I am selling her promise ring on eBay when I can find the box/certificate. But deep down this is killing me. So killing me.

blueman - so sorry you are hurting.  Breaking up with anyone is emotional, with a pwBPD is worse because it feels like there is so much confusion and loose ends. 

My suggestion - box the stuff up, and give to a friend or family member to keep in their attic.  You want it out of your view (or you could pitch it, but I don't think you are ready for that yet)  I had a breakup where I felt similar to you, and I think it took about a year before I could revisit some of those mementos or places that were special.  Now, I can hold those moments and things close to me while at the same time remember how disordered she was and how glad I am that I don't have to deal with her anymore. 

I'd also suggest trying to reach out to one of those friends or family members whom you have been alienated from.  I'm sure some of them will welcome you back and want to catch up.  Have dinner together, go out for a drink - and it will feel soo good.  Believe me.

Hi Blueman,

I feel your pain. After a bad breakup,  I purposedly frequent places I like that I had experienced with my ex. I especially like to bring new romantic interests to these places to have new memories and experiences. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Be strong and get your power back. Be well.