BPDFamily.com

Did any of you feel that your family and friends would think you were stupid for going back and still maybe wanted to but knew they would be disappointed. I was scared of him sometimes and would confide in a sister or good friend. He's gone once he got physical. And of course he just pinned me down which sometimes i think is not abuse even though i begged for him to let me go  now i just feel bad like i dogged him to others  but honesty i have been down that road before and i did not want to go back  i have not  but i still feel guilt .  His verbal abuse was awful and escaleted and i feared the physical would to  so did my family and friends.  There are relationships were people don't pin u done  right?

To be totally honest, the only reason I didn't try harder to get back with my exBPDh this final time, was because things had gone too far with my family.  They told me that if I went back to him they wouldn't have anything to do with him.  This would have made my life worse than it ever was before and I couldn't put my kids through any more pain and torment because of him.

My ex also verged on being physically violent to me.  I made excuses too.  I gave as good as I got and he still bears the scars from when I scratched his face as he pinned me against the wall.  I used to think that this made it OK, he came off worse.  But now I see that this was no way to live.  He was making me as bad as him.

It is not easy and I am still far from being over him, but I am glad I am not living that way of life anymore.

You should not be scared of your partner.  There are good relationships where people are not violent to each other.  We must remember this and look to the future when we will find somebody who is better for us.

Yes... . there are relationships where people don't pin you down.

My friends and family were strongly opposed to me going back to him.  They didn't see his abusive behaviors... . and I didn't talk about that much... . but they did see how shattered I was after our first break up.  I did hesitate to go back to him because of their opinions.  Ultimately I did anyway.  Now I don't feel like I can "cry" to them about it at all.  It's a lonely place. 

Oh yes, people thought I was stupid for going back. Back in October he hit me and was arrested. It made the paper so everyone knew about it. I went back. I hit him too though. I was the same as Popcorn71, I was becoming as bad as him. I'm not a violent or mean person and I couldn't believe the stuff that would come out of my mouth.

My friends and family thought I was stupid for going back with her so many times.  My best friend would get to see the text messages that I would get during her rages and was amazed and said they had NEVER seen anything like that.  The last time we recycled my friend actually said that I am here for you, but you have lost your right to complain to me if you get back with her... .

emotion abuse IS abuse and don't ever downplay what you went through because he didn't beat you up.   My ex-husband didn't either, but it took him actually pushing me and scaring me physically to leave.  I should have left way earlier.  I saw his psychiatrist twice, and the first time I saw him the doctor tells me "He may not be hitting you, but he IS abusing you." Wow! That was the doctor he and his ex saw for years.  And my family and friends could see it and just held their breath. When I finally left for good I was terrified and my mom later told me if I hadn't left that time she was going to tell me not to come running to her house again for help.  

You deserve not only to not be pushed or held down but treated with utmost RESPECT!  Yes, being emotionally abused makes you feel like it's "normal," but it is a horrible thing and you don't have to accept it.

I think this is a very good question because it is something that I have been dealing with for sometime. I am on my 4th recycle with my ex-ubdf-gf over the past 2.5 years. I broke up January 7th and we have had NC for 6 weeks now (which is the longest that we have ever gone). The first break up occurred about 5 months into our long distance relationship and that was when my relationship with BPD first started when one of my best friends mentioned that I should take a look at it given the things that I was saying. Fast forward, and now there is no one on my side (family, friends or kids) that supports this relationship. They all tell me that it is unhealthy and toxic and I too have had some friends say the same thing to me that they would not want anything to do with her if I bring her back into my life. I have already lost some friends through the 2.5 years due to the relationship and I have no doubt that if I ever went back now I would lose more and I am sure it would negatively affect my relationship with my two wonderful kids (21,23).

As much as I still love my ex so deeply and I would do anything for her sweet side. Unfortunately, I can't live with her perfectionism, structured planning, constant mood swings and inappropriate behavior that brings constant stress and turmoil to our rs. With all this said, wouldn't you know that I still dream about her and struggle every day because I miss her SWEET side so much. This is when I tell myself that all my family and friends, who love me very much, can't be wrong and that does give me strength to get through another day of NC.

I think you should feel lucky that you have family and friends that have stepped up and told you exactly how they feel. They are doing this because they love you first and foremost.

Stay strong my friend and I will try too as well ... .