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If she is so scared of my leaving her why does she leave and constantly threaten to leave. I just cant make any sense out of this. Its driving me nuts

peiper... . man I have been through so much of that in this relationship... only couple things I can figure and its only my observation is... .

1. Its a way of controlling making you tell them not to leave and how much they mean to you etc etc... . kind of a way to give them that one up on you

2. I really think a few times she has just gotten embarrassed by her behavior... Like a light bulb went off in the middle of her raging or throwing verbal crap at me and she wants to run... has even went into I'm not good enough for you speech and I'm crazy why do I do this etc... now keep in mind that may just be a pity party to get me to feel sorry for her and jump into help mode... again control

30... I really think it boils down to a control thing... . again I maybe wrong just saying how I see it sometimes :light: :light:

It is a control thing. Also, I think they believe if they leave first then it's less embarrassing. "I will leave him before he leaves me!"

Everyone has their own interpretations and experiences with people that suffer from this affliction. I'm no so certain I've come to determine from my perspective that it is actually a consious control thing. It would certainly appear to be if it were a rational person bringing about the same situation but that isn't my take on borderline reactions.

This link might just help you understand a bit of the confusion with regards to how some people with this disorder actually relate to their logic which certainly is an extreme from ours, but just as real and just as justifiable to their experiences and interactions.

www.downwardspiralintothevortex.com/2012/02/i-never-saw-it-coming-vanishing-act.html

Remember when you get to the bottom to click on the Article 2 link. It gets more understandable. It's a huge learning curve to try and understand what we see and experience from the point of view of a borderline person but this particular person has made huge strides in all her articles to try and bring some clarity to it from her experience and take on it.

Worth the read. The whole site and all the articles are peiper.

totally agree... . to us it all seems so ___ backwards but because it is that child-like response.

I totally agree that its a control thing. My uBPDh has to be in control of every situation and I have recently told him that to his face. I said "you want all of the control, but none of the responsibility." He didn't even respond.

And he has abandoned me. Twice. He has always been the one that leaves. He told me that when he needed my love and support, I abandoned him. In a way that is true, but I was also trying to cope with depression and anxiety at the same time because of him. He leaves me before I could leave him.

He doesn't know if he wants our marriage to work, but its been six months since our seperation and he still doesn;t know what he wants to do. He said he doesn't want to string me along, but at the same time he hasn't done anything to get help for himself or for our marriage.

He knows I won't walk away because still love him very much.

So, yes, its very much a control thing.

I would have to agree its control. The last time she left I left her alone, she called in a month saying her life was crap without me. Wanted me to sell my house and move down to where she was 200 miles away, said she would buy me an antique store because there is no oilfield there and thats all I know. She doesnt have the money to buy an antique store. It was completly nutty thinking on her part. I told her no you come home, so she broke her lease and like a dummy I helped her move home again.

Im kinda thinking now her bogus restraing order shot her in the foot because now she cant call me. Which has to bug her. And I deleted her from my friend list on FB.

There are still so many things that I have yet to get my head around. The don't go Im leaving thing is one.

As far as I can work out its the fear of being abandoned that leads them to run away. Like a child who runs and hides because they know they are going to get told off. They don't want to face what they perceive is coming.

As with all my thoughts on BPD I could be a long way off the mark.

I think my biggest mistake was telling her that I wanted a divorce after I was sick and tired of all her tests. I was hoping it would wake her up. But it actually made things worse. She became the one constantly threatening to leave.

pwBPD are extremely scared of being abandoned.

they do this to make sure they reject you before you reject them