BPDFamily.com

I was just posting on another feed and I saw where someone mentioned there BPD in there life with a snarl... . This maybe a really dumb question but does anyone else BPD in there life really really snarl at them and major changes in there facial expression... I mean almost like a possessed sometimes with so much rage and anger... teeth gritting snarls... ?... . or is that just the way my BPDw is at her worse... ?

No, others have mentioned experiencing similar facial and body language changes, for example, total darkening of the pupils, eyes suddenly becoming vacant or widen to a point of becoming all black and various other changes.

I will post links if I can find them.

How do you handle such incidents?

it doesn't happen all the time but when its done I usually don't take the time to explain to her that we will bring what ever subject up later cuz at that point she is shut down to anything so I just leave  quietly as I can... I have bucked back before in the past before I learned a few things and man what a explosion... .

I know three seperate people with BPD, including my own wife who is extremely attractive that their facial expressions actually change to a horrifying state of almost animated contortion when they are in a rage. It's a freightening experience to see. There's a total transformation of facial characteristics and an absolute ugliness that comes across each person's face.

It's also time to put the brakes on whatever is going on because it's been my experience it really worsens from that point on.

I've only seen this face with my wife if she's is totally dysregulated and breaks into a major sarcastic outburst. Haven't seen it for quite some time and I don't miss it at all.

Stalwart... yep that's it exactly... . same here when my wife isn't at that state she has such a soft and beautiful face but man the times that has happen WATCH OUT!... now I know I am not the only one with a BPDs that does that... the funny thing was once when she turned to the remorse part after the rage she even caught on to her actions and said she couldn't believe she turned into that beast as she called it... . thank you for your input... . at least I know I am the the only one ... .

Oh yes, I experienced this yesterday with my BPDs.  His face was contorted and his eyes glaring and he was throwing things and raging.  The reason?  I was doing the laundry he asked me to do ... . HIS laundry. He is wheelchair-bound from a car accident.

Apparently, I am too incompetent to wash clothes, so I left. 

The few times that i experienced raging, i saw this.  It shocked me.  I stood there with my back up against the wall one time while he jabbed his finger into my chest repeatedly raging at me with the most frightful eyes and strange voice.  I had never seen this before. Im not a young woman, my father was an angry man at times and i have been around angry people.  This was different somehow. It was like a lightbulb went on for me tho.

I then really understood that there was a serious problem going on.  I have never witnessed something like this before.  I felt very sad and scared at the same time.  Mostly sad tho.  I realized that my partner was very unwell. I just didn't know what i was going to do.

the thing was too was, we had just come home from being out socially.  He had been drinking so maybe that was it... . still... . the waitress balled him out for speaking to me rudely.  Our interaction during and after the incident with her seemed quite fine, we weren't having a fight or anything.  When we came home he turned on me and took it out on me .

Yes, I know about this! My BPDw changes into one scary creature when she rages. Even when she is only "angry" she takes on an exaggerated contorted snarl with deep furrows in her forehead, showing her teeth in almost a growl. When she rages (quite frequent these days) she becomes manic, EXTREMELY animated, flailing her arms and making all sorts of wild gestures. She sure scares the cats and me.

You are not alone my friend.

WOW yes.  With my uBPDgf I see it in her eyes.  They go from beautiful and caring, almost pensive, to pure ICE. 

She goes from a happy, almost goofy person, to a pure ice queen. 

But the worst part is her tone.  It goes from loving, caring, and compassionate to one that is full of anger and disdain.  And usual for no good reason.     

I would describe these outbursts as a complete and total loss of control that is close to demonic in nature.  If you have never experienced it, it is hard to explain, but it is absolutely terrifying.

Fortunately, this behavior appears to be another symptom of BPD dysregulation often triggered by alcohol.  I say fortunately, because at one point, I actually was beginning to wonder if my son was possessed.

Yes ... . it is that frightening and I am not kidding...  

  Yep, that's my experience. Went from   to   in an instant.

My uBPDH totally changes his appearance when he is in a state of dysregulation.  I am new here and just realized that there are states of dysregulation... . totally helped me undedstand the whole Jekyll Hyde dynamic.  His eyes are angry and vacant and he is antagonistic towards me and everyone close to him.  He will do strange things to his appearance  like cut his hair like the dictator of north Korea or shave his head and leave patches uncut or one time he painted his nails black after the character of some movie.  His vacant eyes look at me with disgust and disdain... . there is not one dot of tenderness inside of him.  It is scary as well as a reminder of how alone I am in this relationship.

Interesting.  Ex BPD dil who is Asian when I saw her in full blown rage I used to think she looked like a scary Japanese fire Dragon especially in her eyes!

That is a complete loss of all regulation.

It is time to enact the remove yourself boundary, as there is nothing you can do to soothe them. It is also the last step before physical violence

Waverider you are so right about the next step being physical violence.   think it is time to teach my 11 year old granddaughter about boundaries (her mother, my ex dil is the one that had the changed facial expressions when in a rage) and she was physically violent with my son. To my knowledge she has not been with my granddaughter but she is destructive of objects in the home when In a rage. Last time when things became serious our granddaughter contacted us and we removed her for the day.  There was a marked improvement in her mother's behavior on her (gd)  return that night. I fear for her teenage years when she gets braver at answering her mother back. As said her mother looks scary and acts it!

last post went into cyber space I guess lol... . Wow thank you all for posting... here I thought it was something on top of the BPD I was having to deal with... so many of your alls feeling when it happens is how I feel... . yes its scary and I exit stage right but I think the worse thing is how it hurts me to see this beautiful God fearing woman go to such a frighten ugly person... plus knowing her as I did back in high school in 78 and leaving down the road its just tears me up inside to know that she can turn into basically a monster... . sorry just rambling now but just wanted to say a huge thank you for all your post! :) :)

My husband of 32 years, who may not have BPD but definitely has something, is full of anger and looks it.  His whole demeanor is angry and tense most of the time even if he's not actually angry.  When he IS angry, which is a lot, he looks like he'd like to kill someone.  I've always said that if looks could kill, I would have been dead long ago.  He completely disagrees that he behaves the way he does.  He has no clue and almost no memory of any of his behavior. 

Another in agreement. My exBPDbf would get into Mr. Hyde mode and his eyes would completely change. It was 100% anger and there would be NOTHING I could do to snap him out of it. If I cried, he didn't care. If I hugged him he would push me away, he spoke to me with zero feelings other than anger. This is out of character for him when he is not having an episode, he is actually a very emotional sensitive person. He is a COMPLETELY different person when it happens, it's almost scary. The last time it happened was when I realized there was something REALLY seriously wrong with him, that it had crossed the line into "crazy" as I told him. Dead eyes and RANTING for 2 hours about an incident that was nothing, something that would have never even been an argument with a regular person. A lightbulb went off in my head and I realized it was far more than I had thought... . and here I am.

The face of the possessed... .   My uBPDw told me several years ago that her mother called her "possessed" on several occasions. It now makes sense.

I wish I had gotten to know her mother better but couldn't because my wife and her were not on speaking terms. To my wife, her mother was evil. Maybe I would not be in this boat today if I had heard her mothers side of the story. But then again, her mom might be the reason she is the way she is today?

Soo much to try to figure out! It drives you crazy. Anyway, the super scary expressions certainly appear to come with the BPD territory for sure. It sounds like many, if not most of us here have seen "that look".   

Wow!

I have wondered about this often.

My BPDw - actually grits and shows teeth and he entire fact shakes as she clenches her jaw.

It is the height of lack of control... .until someone SEES this - hard to describe.

Does anyone KNOW what this is in a BPD?

Interesting,

For me its the eyes. When my BPD partner is raging his eyes are black as night, the pupils dilate, I guess it is a physical thing caused by the emotional toil?

Yes! Absolutely yes!

It is often a very reliable indicator of what actions I need to take. This process goes in this order and over several days:

Face 1. (Demonic): Contorted mouth, eyes wide dark and vacant but will stare right through you, pale skin with red streaks down cheeks, ugly as hell... .Action: Run, literally run out of the house and don't look back.

Face 2. (Absent): Pursed lips, eyes sunken, grey skin, avoids eye contact, unattractive... .Action: Avoid interaction but safe to stay in the house

Face 3. (Remorseful): Soft lips, large wide blue eyes, pink cheeks, beautiful... .Action: Give her a hug

yes! Hise eyes become black cause his pupils dillate so much. He has blue eyes and when the "Hulk" comes along they darken so much he looks like a different person... .Its scary really.

I often tell him : "You are not my loving boyfriend... .You are the other guy with the black eyes I just can't stand so... .can you bring him back again please. I miss him"

My xBPDgf was masterful at using facial expressions as a way to manipulate, rage, express disapproval, or even charm.  She could make herself beautiful or hideous.  And the emotional impact on me was palpable.

Good thread!  I'm glad others can relate!  One of those things you try and explain and tough for people to understand unless they've been through it.