BPDFamily.com

I'm here taking a break at work, trying to keep my mind from racing to the negative.  Posting here helps.  Rather than dwell on the situation, and fear the inevitable weekend dysregulation, I thought it might be interesting to hear the things the pwBPD have said to you that made you realize that their emotions and thought processes are completely different from yours.  I'll start:

"Being in long term relationships is difficult because you are always worried about the other person leaving you."

Wow.  Quite telling!  I can't ever recall thinking that way.  When I am in a relationship, I have never worried about the other person leaving me. 

What kind of things has the pwBPD in your life said that made you realize their brain works completely different than yours?

Here are a few I nipped in the bud she would say out loud, but I know she still thinks them:

"You don't love me."

"If I sense you're going to leave me I'll leave you first."

The one that is said out loud still, whenever she hurts me so badly and I tell her I am upset:

"You don't care about me.  All you care about is your feelings and you being hurt when I am the one you are really hurting."  <-- this is generally after I have done nothing or I have committed a minor infraction and her reaction is pure destruction to my self-esteem

"You don't love me."

"If you loved me, you would... . "

"If you don't know what you did wrong, then I shouldn't have to tell you."

"I am so scared of you right now!" - this is the one that made the light bulb go off in my head, realizing BPD.

I remember back last summer she told me her favorite book growing up was "Catcher in the Rye".  She says she owns 3-4 copies of it.  She remarked about how all teenagers love that book because they all hate the world and hate society.  Umm.  I couldn't get through that book because I couldn't relate to the main character. 

"you will leave me.  Everyone leaves me"

"you really hurt me.  You often do without even knowing it."

Out of nowhere one day, "I thought you were tired of me.  I thought you were done"

It's not what she says but the Inconsistency and extreme swings between love and hate/distain/abusive behavior... . and also the inexplicable volatility.

My brother says:  "------- is like an emotional bomb waiting to explode you don't know when or why.The cause my be legitimate or fabricated... . but it will happen."

Regarding extreme swings between love and hate: it seems they have no 'governor.' Nornal folks temper what they say when they are angry or upset with a loved one ( it makes sense that you don't want to fundamentally damage this very important relationship.) BPD s act like they don't have a base emotional life, they jump from one feeling to another... . it's exteme/all or nothing. Total love or total hate.

I came to the conclusion years ago that my wife does not mean the hateful things she says to me when she is disregulated. While this realization helps sustain the relationship, it is not heathy for me to "eat the poison." having realized that, I have begun successfully setting boundries for myself around it. The bad behavior is diminishing but it would be unrealistic to think it will stop entirely . That doesn't even happen in normal relationships. Theo

I agree with Theo completely. I wouldn't say it was one sentence or thought, but this (as Theo described) behavior. Another trait that clued me in was the lying. In particular, lying about very random things that most people would not lie about.

 

So... the scene is marriage counseling... very recently.  Discussion was about how compromise is a helpful tool in r/s.

The  most recent offense I was angry about was her taking kids out of state for couple days which prevented me from sticking with the family T "treatment plan" to help make things better between me and kids.  I asked for compromised and the position didn't move from when she informed me... until when she took the kids. 

So... . this was an unusually "regulated" counseling for her.  So... I asked her to describe how she compromised in that situation.  It was priceless... . I guarantee you it was quiet in the room for 60 seconds.  She started looking uncomfortable.  Then she claimed the compromise was her not leaving earlier... . (totally ignoring the fact that I didn't know about the trip... . and that compromise is not imposed... . it is mutually agreed upon)

So... . same MC.

After lots of discussion about feelings and empathy and how I would like my feelings considered in decisions.

We are now talking "theoretically" about how to have the next trip be a better compromise... . or where both parties think there is compromise.  In other words... . if she thinks there is compromise and I don't... . not a successful compromise. 

So... the question is posed to her how she could do it differently.  And her answer is that "I will try to INFORM him what we are going to do earlier... . "

Sigh... . I brought up that I would use the word "discuss" vice "inform"... . because discuss sounds a lot more flexible... . she huffed... . and grudgingly played along... .

I thought of another one.  About a year ago she was talking about why she wants to have a child.  She said that if she had a child the child would be bound to her forever and could not leave her.  In other words, she wants a child so that she will always have someone who loves her.

Yikes.  I remember telling that to my T, and my T practically fell off her chair.

Nothing in particular, but in general how disagreements would get me labeled in absolutes ("You always... . ", "You never... . " and then the huge leaps to conclusions ("You don't love me.".

With our first MC, she kept harping on how I disrespected her during our disagreements.  When pressed by the MC to explain why she felt disrespected, it always came back to the fact we had a disagreement: In her mind, "disagreement = disrespect".  This I think was the first major flag raised that eventually lead to the BPD diagnosis.

Just leave then... . you know you want to leave!

You think I am being mean... . I can show you mean right now you are only seeing half what I did to my ex and children!

my fav... . Do this this way... drive here this way... . eat this this way... . talk this way... read this way... . etc etc etc etc etc .her way is always the best and only way...

"I don't have a conscience." red-flag

"You don't love me as much as I love you." red-flag

"There are so many other things that are more important than you in my life." red-flag

"Your insecurity scares me because you will act on false assumptions about my behavior." red-flag

I could go on, but these were show stopping.

Are these said during dysregulation... . or... . "normal"... . if there is such a time.

I'll hand it to you... . those are good ones... .

Are these said during dysregulation... . or... . "normal"... . if there is such a time.

I'll hand it to you... . those are good ones... . [/quote]
Sadly, this was said during the 'normal' times. When he dysregulated, he was just downright abusive.

Well, I don't have BPD, but I'm sure my husband does, but I've been guilty of saying to him that he doesn't love me. I truly feel he doesn't, based upon his actions, and lack of any self responsibility in how he treats me. I think a person can only be verbally(and a couple physical incidents) abused so long, and they start to think their partner doesn't love them. I don't think my husband can truly love anyone the way he loves his kids, or himself. From all the reading he is pretty textbook BPD, with strong narcissistic traits also.

The things he has said that raise huge red flags(and actually made my T think he could have Antisocial Personality):

"I don't want to hear about your feelings."

"Keep your damn opinions to yourself."

"You didn't obey me."

"You are mean, petty, and ridiculous." (this fits all situations with him)

"Stop b___ing at me, stop complaining" (as in don't address any needs or address his verbal abuse)

Wow.  I've quite literally heard word for word some of these things. "I don't want to hear about your feelings" and "you don't love me as much as I love you".

And this one:  "You think I am being mean... . I can show you mean right now you are only seeing half what I did to my ex and children!"  Yeah I heard that.  About how if I think she is being mean and nasty now, she's so much nicer to me than she was to her ex.  And yet she still calls him a horse's backside.

And telling me how to eat, drive, and walk, yup, yup, yup. 

In the beginning, my uBPDh said "please don't leave me" at least once a week, and not during dysregulation.  He hardly ever says that anymore, so hopefully he's become more secure.  Two of his (three) ex-wives have left him without him apparently understanding the reasons.  He has often said that he's never bothered staying in touch with people, he doesn't need friends, and he doesn't really need anyone but me.  These are certainly ways in which he thinks differently from me, and perhaps from most people.

HopefulDad, I get the "disagreement=disrespect", too.

Several years ago, he wanted to do something that I had a moral issue with. I spent a year trying to communicate my position and thoughts about the decision. One day, he said he understood that I was afraid and should just trust. He said he felt that way too. Completely wrong about what I had been telling him about why I could not agree with the decision. I could not understand how he could come to that conclusion.

Then, in one of our other conversations, he mentioned how 'happy' we were when we were first married. During that time, my dad died and we had our first miscarriage. He also didn't want me to work or finish my education. I was in a deep depression. So, I said that. That conversation was one of the ones that recently, he said 'deeply wounded' him and he felt 'betrayed'. (started him thinking that his view of reality might not be 'right'

Him asking me why I can't just obey him. Stop questioning him and just trust him.

Him telling me that we are never on the same page and it ruins the mood. The problem is, he won't actually tell me what he wants, I have to guess it. And if I guess wrong it's "Nevermind" If I can't figure it out, then there's no point.

Then there was a very specific fight where I admitted to inviting someone over. The premise of what I said was innocent. The way I said it sounded like there was an ulterior motive. No chance to explain it. If I try, I'm just making excuses and denying doing something. Either I'm lying now or was lying before. I keep saying things I don't mean and then trying the same old excuse.

When I try to give a valid explanation for my behaviour (I  snap sometimes) then I'm just playing 'mental gymnastics' with him again, trying to smooth things over and never taking responsibility for my actions.

misuniadziubek:

Your partner sounds a lot like mine. I wanted to go crazy on my uBPDh when he used the word OBEY, a few days ago(of course I didn't though... one of us has to model better behavior). And he liked to make me guess why he is upset or angry. It happened just last night while we were taking a walk. He got very, very upset and then he did his Mr. Angry act for most of the walk. When I didn't engage, and just kept talking/walking with my daughter, he got angrier. He eventually walked away from us and went back home. He later said he doesn't know why he is so "moody", and that hopefully the upped dose of meds he just started taking help.

Let me tell you, what he has is not just "moods". He can be "moody", but the real issue is the rage, blowups, blame, skewed thinking, and gaslighting and scapegoating. I was just reading a long list of behaviors associated with BPD, and he has most of them, plus narcissistic traits too.

It does get tiring trying to guess why they are thinking what they do. I could probably do this with someone who has "normal" thinking patterns, but with uBPDh, it could be anything, at any given time, and it never seems to make any sort of sense. He can twist innocent comments, sees slights where there are none meant, and just plain create drama. I'm tired of it too. I want to stay, but I'm just so tired of being blindsided by it.

First date. He asked: "You're so amazing! Why are you still single?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Haha. Because I'm an ass!"

"Because I'm attracted to asss."

"Haha, touché, touché."

I never met anyone that ever called himself an ass on a first date. I knew asss, they just weren't that self-aware to warn me up front  lol.

During the first date I noticed he had a very strong reaction to the story of my mom dying young. I've told it a gazillion times now and he seemed truly hurt by it for a few minutes. In all honesty I liked his sensitivity then, and I still do now  .

Early stages

'You are my goddess ' 

' You saved me from myself' 

'Without you I'd be dead'  :light:

'I wish I could get inside you'  :light:

Middle stages

'Sometimes I really hate you'  :'(

'You're crazy, controlling, psychotic just like my mother' 

'Youre worse than my parents!' 

'Youre a bully just like my dad' 

I remember when he used to say all these things I used to think   

And now he just gaslights, projects, splits, when he is dysregulated, but at least I know what is going on. He also says lovely things too when he feels ok.

Slightly worried maxsterling about The Catcher in the Rye, I soo identified with main character as a teenager. It's still one of my favourite books.  :) oops  :)

Those are all so similar to my experiences with my boyfriend. Especially the middle ones. Comparing me to the way his mom treated him, and especially to his exes. I felt bad for him at first and tried to avoid those behaviours, but eventually it becomes obvious that it's probably something else going on.

At the end

Sometimes I look at you and I hate you

I just want to be pleased to see you.

Misuniadziubel, you reminded me of probably my biggest 'red flag' of all with the 'stop questioning him and just trust him.'  I got this, accompanied by a lot of anger and a pursuant rage, for glancing at the clock one time after he had told me what time it was.  It hadn't even been a conscious gesture, my glance at the clock.  I said 'Are you serious?'  (He's been known to joke around).  He was indeed serious and said that my behavior 'would have gotten him killed if he'd acted that way in Vietnam.'  I have never said or done anything to make him distrust me, and that incident really brought it home to me that there was mental illness going on.  Another time I glanced in both directions when we were in the car, to make sure traffic was clear.  He had 'instructed' me to only look to the right.  So again, my 'lack of trust' caused a rage that went on several days.  It's really things like this, more than anything, that brought me to this website after trying to figure out his problem.  The rages have always been my biggest issue.  Though they seem to be decreasing now, I am always on guard.

This for me. Always. I am always the most terrible person ever after an episode. Today I told her I didn't deserve verbal abuse and left and she told me that 'I didn't deserve ___' which is really nice.

If we don't get married, we can't get divorced.

I was put on this earth to heal you. It must be true or your twin brother would have struck me dead by now ( he died when we were 17 )

You shouldn't need anyone but me. I'm not enough for you.

You don't love me if just being with me isn't enough for you.

You shouldn't need to go out.

Your needs aren't important to me.

I don't care what you want. It's not all about you.

Be silent. I don't want to hear you.

Everybody wants to eff you.

I'm a loner. We are not in a relationship. We just work together, live together and have a family. You're seeking security from an insecure man.

You don't know how to be in a relationship... .

Both my ex wife and exgf said this to me. Maybe I don't know how to be in a relationship or maybe you just cant please someone whos goals are moving constantly.

This is a really good topic!  Let's see... .some things that struck me as odd were:

"You always tell me how to think, just like my ex" (after I told him that he could help me with something but he didn't have to if he didn't want to)

"You are just like my mom, she just withdrew inside herself and never came back out" (after I tried to somewhat emotionally detach because I was feeling like a human pinball)

"You never show me any affection and you use sex as a weapon" ( after I expressed my need for him to be affectionate at other times than when he just wanted sex)

"There is something wrong with you, you're f***ing crazy" ( after I asked him if he was going to give our son his birthday present on the day of his party or the next day on his actual birthday)

Wow

My ex wife said about using sex as a weapon but withheld sex.

She also told people afterwards that I used sex as a weapon in our relationship.

Once again, my jaw just drops at the similarity of some of these things -  Sex as a weapon - yep, I've been accused of using her for sex.  She accuses exes of this, too.  But gee, she also admits that at times in the past she has done her share of sleeping around, yet never considers that her behavior may have hurt someone else.  So my guess is when she accuses me of this, it's projection.  She assumes everyone else is manipulative sexually because she has been.

The "you don't know how to be in a relationship" gets thrown at me whenever she rages.  The fact is she has been in way more relationships than me, and I am guessing that is probably true for most of us dating a pwBPD.  But she uses that as "proof" that I am immature and our relationship issues must be my fault.  I once pointed out that yes I have been in fewer relationships, but also fewer FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. 

Some of the things she said to me early on are red flags only in the context of what I now know.  But way before the first rage there were a few that gave me pause- one more I remember was her telling me that if I ever really wanted to sleep with someone else I could tell her beforehand and it would be okay.  She was basically telling me she didn't believe in monogamy.  A few days later she started telling me that she didn't believe in marriage and only wanted to have a child.  I then decided that this r/s wasn't for me, told her that, and that was the first rage (and the one where I called the police because she threatened to kill herself).

I guess we're all evolving and growing with time... .So goal posts can shift some at times... .But not massive shifts, when just as you think you might stick one in the net, along comes a mini Hitler who not only decides to brick up the goal mouth, he's completely rewritten the rules too :-)

I was accused of using my body as a weapon... .So I stopped fuelling that fire, gained a complex and was then informed that I had intimacy issues and was abusing him with my change in confidence.

Like Mace, I needed to be spoken to and treated with love and respect at times other than when he had a carnal urge. Being hated one moment, then expected to meet sexual needs the next, is confusing, to say the least. When it repeatedly happens, as a woman, I started to feel like little more than "a hot little body" as he called me.

Hi thicker skin

Its not just women that get complex's about sex. My ex wife left me with plenty. My exgf has added to this.

How did that go?

Not well  :)

I've been accused of using "sex as a weapon", too. When he was the one that would withhold sex if he was feeling angry (he says he is angry all the time in other contexts). I think it means that I wanted sex when he didn't and he felt 'bad' about that. So, in his mind, I made him feel bad. It didn't mean the same thing to him that other people think it means.

he says some pretty cool ones.

the obey one is definitely a keeper for him

if you work then you're not really leading a life with me,you're working away from me,and in front of everyone i will become your unemployed fiance  red-flag

i want you to do everything i tell you red-flag

i want you to tell me everything about yourself,everything about your family  red-flag

at the resolution of a fight he said that if i took one step away,he would take ten.when i said thats true for me as well,his response was 'that if not fait,siht,it means all you want is revenge'

once while discussing an argument in my family,i became upset and asked him if we could change the subject,he became offended,tol me if i didnt want him involved in my family matters 'that was fine by him' red-flag

you make me miserable red-flag

i hate you  red-flag

i told him some of the particular things he was 'screaming' at me that had hurt,and he said by repeating what he had said to me,i was insulting him very much.

i will set up a meeting between my ex girlfriend and you so you realize how good i had it with them,therefore our problems are completely a fault of your own red-flag

disagreement is equal to disrespect for him as well

Some people take the self-deprecation too far in their humor, so the first-date exchange wouldn't have set off any flags in my head, per se.  Definitely memorable, though.

Here are some of the things my BPD (undiagnosed) wife has said in the past or still says regularly:

"You should just leave me now. I'm not worth your time." red-flag This was within about a month of dating and I still have no idea what triggered it. At the time I thought I was being a good guy and doing the right thing by being her "rock" and staying with her.

"I feel like you're my soul mate".  red-flag  This was after only a couple of dates. In the beginning she seemed to have all sorts of things in common with me. I came to realize quickly that she was just telling me what I wanted to hear and we have barely anything in common.

"You don't love or care about me."  red-flag She still says this with regularity.

"All you care about is yourself."  red-flag  ... .despite the fact that I very rarely get any kind of personal time for myself and rarely get to do any of things I enjoy doing anymore. Anytime I want to do anything I enjoy doing I'm given a massive guilt trip.

"Stop being mean to me all the time."  red-flag  She constantly misconstrues things I say to her and takes many things as personal attacks on her. She has unbelievably thin skin and gets offended about completely irrational things.

"So and so agrees with me that you are"... .insert any terrible character trait/personality flaw here_______   red-flag She is constantly fabricating ideas in her head about how terrible of a person I am and will then throw other people under the bus by saying that they are in agreement with her and have also talked to her about me. The fact is other people aren't really saying these bad things about me but since my wife has no logical criticism of me and there's no real validity to her statements she has to make it seem like she's not the only one with these views of me.

I could go on and on

To me it did, as the date was great. Why would a normal guy say something like that if he's trying to 1) get into a girls pants 2) date with her. Even in humor you should be careful in this situation. It did not make sense at all and it was a sign he had a very dark self image.

Later on of course I also heard the general stuff like "You should leave me now you still can." and "You will get bored of me after a while, I'm sure of it, everyone does." But because by then he had communicated about his diagnoses these were more confirmations of what I had read about than red flags.

Yes!  Same thing.  She will claim I am so self centered because I don't spend every minute with her, and have my own hobbies and interests.  I can't go outside for 10 minutes before she wanders out, asks what I am doing, then declares she is "bored" and asks if I will be doing xyz activity all night.  My perspective here is not that I am spending too much time doing other things, but that she has no ability to do anything for herself.


This is a common thing I hear when she is raging. "I've talked to my other friends and they all agree with me that you were being mean... ."  Maybe she did talk to friends.  Maybe she didn't. If she did, she told them her perspective.  :)id she tell them all the nasty things she said to me?  :)id she tell them she hit me?  :)id she outright lie and said I did something I didn't actually do?  Who knows.  But friend after friend and family member and therapists have told me, "you are in a very abusive relationship - get out."  One friend specifically told me not to bring my GF to her wedding.  I've even had several homeless people come up to me and tell me I look sad and ask me what is going on.  Honest.  And yet I never bring up to my GF all the things my friends have to say about her - it's not important.  She's using this as a weapon to try and convince me that I am the one with the problem.

I definitely feel your pain too! I can't even step outside to take out the trash without my wife asking me where I'm going. She's constantly asking me what I'm doing or about to do. It drives me crazy to know end because I just see it as her trying to control my every move. I can barely get anything done around the house when she's there because every 2 minutes I hear "Baaaaabbbbbe can you do this or do that?" She'll call me in all the way from the backyard to grab something for her that's 2 feet away from her! If I tell her it's ridiculous that she always wants me to do things that she's perfectly capable of doing for herself her response is usually something like "you're my husband, you should want to be helpful to your wife!". The manipulation is unbelievable and in her mind she's being completely rational. Often times I feel completely suffocated. I'm not allowed to have any kind of life of my own without being called self-centered. Lately, my wife has even started to use our son as a pawn and makes it seem as if anytime I try to do anything for myself I'm also neglecting him!

I've also had to do some serious damage control with my friends. I have a close-knit group of great friends who I've known most of my life. My wife starting trying to sabotage those relationships within a couple months of dating. Most of my friends have a lot of animosity toward my wife. I've also found out from family members that my wife has said some pretty bad things about me when I haven't been around to defend myself... .things that were completely untrue. My wife loves to project and is constantly attributing her negative personality traits to me, even though they don't in any way apply to me. Fortunately, my friends/family are smart enough to see through her lies.

I'm cool with dark humor as long as it doesn't become a theme.  Somebody makes a dark self-deprecating comment to me once and it would come across as darkly funny.  A second time and I'm thinking, "Okay, it was funny once, but enough already."  A third time and now the flags are flying.  His repetitiveness on the "I'm not worthy" topic was without a doubt a red flag for anyone in your situation.

I was talking with him recently about marriage and love. He thinks that love is needing the other person in some way.

If I am working at home in a different part of the house, he 'feels' that I am "hiding" from him.

I can relate to all of this (including quotes)... .well, except the homeless people part.  My favorite was when she told me her own private therapist "agrees with her".  I doubt they really do as any decent therapist knows they are getting only one side of a story.  But even if the therapist did, of course they'll agree with a carefully crafted half-story.  When we've been MC and she tells her side of things, she routinely leaves out all of her bad behavior.  With one story in particular, she's done this now with two MCs, with my mother and who knows who else.

Yeah, I've gotten the "love means mutual dependence" definition from her as well.  That floored me.  I responded by saying that love should be about mutual support, not mutual dependence.

Back before I knew about BPD... .I said some similar things that resulted in pulling the pin on a nuke.

Seemed like the right thing to say at the time... .but looking back on it... .especially now... .I wonder what I was thinking.

:) *)

 

I had forgotten about referencing friends and experts to prove that she is right.

I almost never do that... .and I used to try to cut her off from doing that... because I don't want to be married to her friends or experts... .I'm married to her... .I care what she thinks. 

Somehow... .that didn't sink in as a good thing.

"Let's go talk to xyz... .and see if they would put up with you doing xyz if you were their husband... "... .is usually a good one.

Me then saying I want to take her up on the offer is interesting... .because she finds a way to bob and weave out of it.  Or claims she already knows what they will say... .so she doesn't need to go talk to them.

I have a BIG collection:

- Don't you see that when I insult you I am insulting myself and I want to vomit?

- You know why you can't reply when I insult you? Because when you look at the mirror, is  my image that you see.

- You are the only person in the world who can understand me.

- You are my bigger mistake

- You are the only woman who I can imagine as the mother of my children

-Don't you see that everytime I perceive you think I am a monster I have to pretend to be one?

- Please, you know it was a reaction, sorry, sorry, don't you understand I always react with my heart because I love you so so much?

-You only use your mind you never act with your heart! I always act with my heart! You're a machine!

- Are you asking what you could do for me? Lick my shoes and maybe I could f##ck you one last time.

- You will never find anyone as special like me, I am (his name)!

- I want to fusion myself with you

-You know that even if I wanted, I could never stop loving you, I could follow you wherever you go.

- I treated you badly to see how you could react

(as you can see, some of these sentences are REALLY pathologic)

It didn't make me think at the time but now I understand what she was saying.

"Having my daughter was the best thing I ever did. It saved me"

I now realise that her life was such a mess that having her daughter meant she stopped all the wild nights out and was forced to start controlling herself.

I read a nice quote somewhere. Progress is beig made when "impossible" collides with "imperative/required/necessary". It's one of the reasons why I am busting my ass making clear to my dBPDbf he can't overload his week because he's afraid of the feeling of being alone and not being active. He must feel and understand I won't tolerate only seeing him once a week for a few hours. I know that our relationship by now is strong enough to demand that - his love for me and need to stay with me will drive his progress. (I hope).  *)

"You need to fix all the damage you've done during 14 years of marriage"

"You need to feel as guilty as I am sad"

"You have destroyed my life, and the children's lives"

"I'm giving you a second chance to prove yourself, because everyone deserves a second chance"

"If you wont let me have any more children, I'm going to get two puppies instead" (Really!. We have 3 children already. This was when I realised she had massive attachment issues)

Biggest red flags:

1.  Lying when the truth will do.

2.  Having different "personas" depending upon who he is around

3.  Insatiable need for drama ALL THE TIME

Regarding the need for drama... .I think my pwBPD's favorite question of all time is, "What's wrong?"  He will ask this at least once a day.  He will ask this when there's nothing wrong, whatsoever, and I am happy and content.  When he doesn't get the answer he wants, he keeps poking at me, asking over and over, saying "I don't believe you" until I get so tired of feeling invalidated, I get upset.  Then he wins:  something is now wrong. *sigh*

I tried to explain to H that I wasn't using sex as a weapon, just that sometimes when I wasn't feeling close or loved or we had been arguing, I wouldn't feel in the mood.  I too need to feel loved and respected to want sex.  He told me that there was something wrong with me because most women don't feel that way and don't connect feelings and emotions with sex.   

Mine told me once that she thought Id be the one she could always count on being around. As for sex, she used it as a weapon. We were walking down a street in Maui a month ago and I said let me walk on the outside so I can watch out for you. She replyed that I was being controling and she would walk where she wanted to.

I think we have the winner! 

Anyone else want to vote for the best one.

Best being an odd way to put it... .

Another one my exgf used was "Im not a silly little girl that plays games"

Unfortunately she was  :)

Mine too

Very sorry but it made me chuckle a little bit. I can relate to you so much...   :)

:) lol *)

Yep. Then I say, I'm upset that you are insisting that something is wrong when I was feeling good. I get the question at least a couple of times within about an hour (usually more), every night, it seems.

YES! I totally can relate! My wife CONSTANTLY asks me "what's wrong?". I can be perfectly content relaxing on the couch with a glass of wine on a Sunday night, trying to catch up on one of my favorite shows on DVR after the kid is down for bed... .life is good. Then, out of nowhere she'll come up to me and ask "what's wrong?". In her mind, there's always something wrong no matter how good life is going. If there isn't something "wrong" she'll come up with something.

Shortly after my uBPDh professed his love for me on our 2nd date  red-flag, he asked me "How many guys have you loved?" (NOTE:  I had already pointed out to him that he most likely didn't love me, just was "lusting" and I didn't love him yet).  I had had 1 long term significant other who I loved and told him so and then I asked him how many ladies he had loved and he started naming a list as long as my arm!  I said "no, not how many have you dated... .how many have you loved?"  He said "yes, I loved all them"  red-flag  I definitely had a head scratch moment, but at the time, didn't really consider the weight of what he was actually saying... .

Fantastic. Almost word for word the conversations I had with my ex before I dumped her.

Too many light bulbs went off for me

As I found out, they were par for the course... .especially # 3

Well, try this one... .

When she was insisting on inviting another ex over to stay with her, and I said I wasn't comfortable with this... .

She said "My soul's journey is more important to me" and "we're done"

Of course she explained that away due to her moods and she didn't mean it.

#monster  #unbelievable

You wonder why I left her... .  #noempathy

PS - only after that row did she say well he has a girlfriend, so they couldn't come over and stay. But on the nights in question I never heard from her... ., although to be fair she had re-cycled/broken up with me for those 3 nights.

Classic!

"You're lying!"

"You're always lying!"

"You're only with me because you are afraid to be alone"

Number three was partly true but I also loved her deeply.

Another one:

"I think you are a very useful person to have around"

That one in particular just OOZED love, didn't it? 

Please forgive if I take too much space but here's another great from her repertoir of BS. During one of many rows over her excessive drinking I mentioned that one of my best friends, who grew up with an alcoholic father, had expressed his concerns to me over her drinking. Her reply to that was:

"I bet he wouldn't say no to me if I offered myself up to him though"

I recently told my friend what she had said and he went "What the heck?"

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