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My ex-BPD gf is now dating another man after 2 months into our break up. I have a 1 and a half year old with her, and need some advice on keeping things adult-like. I love my son dearly, and would give my life for him. The problem is, he lives with his mother and she tends to be controlling about how often I see him. We came up with a weekly schedule on how much time I spend with him, but knowing her, she will eventually switch things up on me. I am still hurt over the fact that she got over me so quickly and is now sleeping with another man. However, my new gf is helping me through all this and is doing extensive research on my ex's disorder to better understand what I'm going through so she can talk this out with me and pick out what type of counseling I need.

I picked my son up yesterday to spend time with him, and my ex always wants to know what I'm doing with him due to the fact that she knows about my current gf (so I believe). I keep trying to tell her that all she needs to know that my son is safe with me, and I will have him back to her at the times we have chosen. She responds with "it's common courtesy to inform her". She has no job and does not go to school. She lives with her parents in a very wealthy family, and does not have to work (based on how her parents handle the situation with her). Her bf comes over to her house everyday because he has no job and does not go to school. My son goes full time to daycare, so she gets to have the time of her life with him while her parents go to work. I work full time and struggle financially with child support and living expenses while she doesn't have to worry about making a single dime.

The reason I state these facts is because I can't shake the feelings of her getting what she wants, while I have to struggle to get what I have to done. Thinking about these things effects my attitude towards her, and I decided not to talk to her when I pick him up. She tries to get me to tell her where we're going, and if I don't tell her she refuses to give him to me until I talk.

How can I talk to her without getting frustrated when she says "You need to be an adult and talk to me like a responsible parent". Responsible parent? I'm the one that's working my butt off to provide my son with a better life. She does something to my mind that makes me want to yell my head off, but I don't. I just argue with her. What can I do to prevent these things from happening when I pick my son up?

Any Advice?

Firstly Sputmonkey I would say you need to not worry about what she is getting up to with her bf. Your quote that she is having the time of her life shows that you are upset with her moving on so quickly.

I did this I resented her being with other men and was angry about it. In the end I realised that I didn't want her back and whatever she did she would do anyway whether I cared or not. That is when I could truly focus on my sons and we started to have the time of our lives. Her first bf didn't last and now she is about to get married and all I think of is that one day in the not so distant future her new fella will get screwed over by her.

Once you are in a happier place her chopping and changing things can wash over you and this is when she will stop being awkward and things start to go smoothly.

One thing I would recommend is getting the schedule in writing and insisting on any changes to be sent via email or text. This leaves her with little room to manoeuvre as she knows you have evidence of her not being cooperative that could be used against her.

Im not saying the irratic behaviour will completely stop but it worked for me and gave me a lot less grief and heartache.

Enlighten me,

I appreciate the sharing of your story and your input. It feels so relieving to hear that someone else has shared/sharing a similar experience like mine. Like I said in my previous posts, each day is getting easier and easier.

I agree with getting it in writing. I've gone to the court house to gather information on what I need to fill out to file a petition. I've completed the forms with the visitation that I'd like (which is more than reasonable in my eyes). However, I'm not sure whether to just go ahead and submit it myself, or if I should get it proof read by a paralegal first?

The person I talked to at the court house said as long as everything is filled out, I should be fine. On the other hand, when my father filed for custody for my brother and I, he had the petition sent back to him.

Did you get yours proof read by a legal advisor or some sort before you filed?

I live in the UK so its a bit different.

Also I shot myself in the foot by believing what she had been feeding me for the past 5 years that she was diagnosed with ME and bi-polar. I used this as my case and when the medical records came through there was nothing there.

In the end though I managed to get 50/50 custody.

My next problem will be my uBPDexgf that I have a son with. Weve only just split up so it is early days but I will be using everthing I know to make it as smooth as possible. At the end of the day its the children that matter and not our feelings towards our exs.