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Title: Nothing will change ... Post by: Fanie on July 07, 2014, 07:19:10 AM Quote from TonyC (Distinguished member 2010)
"if she isnt seein a therapist or a shrink... and taking the prescribed meds... nothing will change... ." Comments ... . Title: Re: Nothing will change ... Post by: sunshine40 on July 07, 2014, 07:34:57 AM In my experience that is not the case.
Things will change if you change how you handle/ react to any given situation. I used to get yelled at until 2am quite often. (maybe once or twice a week... .now down to MAYBE twice a year). I used to get yelled at as his way of initiating sex. (never happens anymore) I used to... .well there are a whole LOT of "used to's" They point is... it took 20+ years, and me learning how to set boundaries, and him DECIDING to change or he knew I was so outta here, for him to change. He NEVER saw a therapist. He would rather be his own therapist. Not the best idea, but that means he researched cognitive behavioral therapy at one point since someone ELSE suggested it for his anxiety, and tries stuff on his own. He DID start taking a TINY amount of Prozac for back pain and bulimia which helped for the first six to maybe nine months. (those were a great six months). And he is back to his old grumpy self again more often than not, but he notices it and TRIES to stop. He does not take the full dosage prescribed by his doctor, but to me it is a miracle he takes anything at all. THAT is also a change. but it took 20 years. -sunshine Title: Re: Nothing will change ... Post by: formflier on July 07, 2014, 08:38:20 AM I agree with Sunshine. There were dramatic changes at my house due to me doing boundaries and holding firm. (that was no fun... .but it worked). I had to get through an "extinction burst". My uBPDw even commented in a MC session... ."wow... we've been fighting a lot less lately... .not sure what that is about"... I remember being suspicious of the attitude that "you can change yourself... .so there is hope"... .but it works. Keep it in the right perspective... .it does not fix everything... .but it will change things. Title: Re: Nothing will change ... Post by: Fanie on July 07, 2014, 09:32:56 AM This is actually very good news
We all know that BPD's don't readily want to go for T and T is not necessarily going to help them Sunshine & Formflier - PLEASE do elaborate Share that 20 years experience ... . Title: Re: Nothing will change ... Post by: formflier on July 07, 2014, 03:38:38 PM This is actually very good news We all know that BPD's don't readily want to go for T and T is not necessarily going to help them Sunshine & Formflier - PLEASE do elaborate Share that 20 years experience ... . For me it was all about "responding appropriately" Validating instead of invalidating (still working on this) Boundaries was the biggest thing. I was able to reclaim parts of my life (passwords for email and such) that had been trampled on and were a source of verbal abuse for me. Note of warning/awareness: My uBPDw (and I think most) will realize they are loosing some control and will try to clamp down (that is the extinction burst)... .that will suck but when you get through it things will be better. So it may look like a couple steps forward and 1 step back. or two forward... .three back... .two forward. Having that straight in your head will help you get through it. Hang in there |iiii Title: Re: Nothing will change ... Post by: waverider on July 09, 2014, 05:09:09 AM Change without treatment is possible, but it is often without structure and can be more damaging than it would otherwise need to be.
However with BPD the treatment has to targeted and effective. Unfortunately there is much misguided treatment that can make things a lot worse. Of course any treatment needs the co operation of the pwBPD. So there is often a lot of groundwork to be done until they are ready for that. That is where our knowledge and work on ourselves is vital to build that foundation. If we dont fix ourselves first we can't provide effective support and put too much pressure on them |