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My ex BPDgf always treats me like I have BPD why do they do that.

Projection.

They cant face that it is them so by projecting it onto you then they don't have to face up to it.

Also depending on how long you've been together you may be mirroring her behaviour.

Enlighten me is right. Projection. They project that which is too uncomfortable for them to confront onto their partner.  They also manipulate to secure their one sided need based issues. Read as much as you can here as this site provides a wealth of information on these issues. 

My ex keeps asking me if I'm bipolar (I'm not, I even told my T on the off chance that I'm not aware, she laughed and said there is nothing wrong with me).  He knows and admits there is something wrong with him, but refuses the meds and doesn't want a "label"

In my case, I think it's projection since he won't believe it's actually a HIM problem.

my ex is diagnosed with BPD.

Around the time of our break up she told me I was BPD. She then told me I need intensive therapy to get to the bottom of my mental health issues.

I never responded, I just let it slide and got myself out of dodge. I knew it was projection, she was on a juggernaut of disorder at that time.

This was rich from someone who has serious mental health issues to the point of being sectioned by the state last year after a suicide attempt and is on the maximum disability benefits from the national health system.

So when she says you only want to have sex with me because iam here and we live with each other is that her thinking that the only reason she's with me

My exBPDgf did the same thing to me.  She wanted me to seek a mental health therapist which I also later figured out that she was projecting her mental issues.  I'm also glad I bit the bullet and got out of dodge.

Yes, projection due to the core shame of a pwBPD. It may tie in with something else my uBPDx once told me, "I want everyone else to feel my pain!" Maybe some of it is a defense mechanism to not feel so alone?


You, too? I spent over $3K in therapy since last September. I knew there was really nothing wrong with me in the pathological sense, despite what uBPDx was portraying, and even suggesting to my replacement, which I found from something she wrote to him. I argued with my T, playing Devil's Advocate. He got frustrated with me about it.  

Interestingly, my BPD mom did the same thing to me  29 years ago: put us into family counseling, abandoned it after one session. Same as my uBPDx did last year.  5 years ago, she told me that that T said I was one of the most well-adjusted young men he'd ever met. Ya think? Thanks for telling me now, mom, instead of when I needed it. I just found out last week in a phone conversation that her T 20 years ago suggested that my mom might be BPD, but didn't officially dX her.  :light: :light: :light: I stopped being angry at BPD Waif mom a long time ago. I get frustrated sometimes, but that is it. I hope to get that way with uBPDx at some point, but I hope it doesn't take that long. The kids will be grown by then, and I can go NC anyway.

Discussing with my T yesterday, he said of course: you chose something that was familiar. "Next time, Turkish, choose wisely."

I can really relate to this.  Two years ago, January 2014, my udBPD-exgf was physically ill the entire winter.  She was miserable, unhappy and raging at me every night about something.  In desperation,  I found a DBT center near us, and without telling her what it was for, I read her the treatment and described the symptoms.  She burst into tears telling me:  "That is my whole life!  I can't believe it!"  For the next few weeks she sent emails to DBT therapists looking for an appointment.  For both of us.

Three weeks went by without success, she continued to rage.  She hated the northwest and wanted to move to the sun.  Sadly I her I would help her move and perhaps we could be together in the sun.  All beautiful, loving, kind, sweet.

Until I saw her phone lying on the counter with a text message to her friend saying that I was borderline and that's why she was leaving!  What the heck?

This is in late February.  She decides to move to Los Angeles, then tells me she won't start looking for a place until May. 

Oh really?  By that time it was clear I was being used financially (she had no job, lived on disability).  I told her she had to go find a place sooner rather than later.  A week later she returned from LA. 

When I picked her up at the airport I was stunned.  I have never seen a person with multiple personalities but this was pretty close.  It was frightening. (this was during the Jodi Arias trial, so I thought anything could happen.) 

Her eyes were black pools of emptiness, she was furious, enraged. It was like a demon had taken over her body. She became a different person.  She screamed at me, stay away from me.

She calms down over the next few weeks until the last week of April.  The day before she left at the end of April, we had a beautiful evening together.  Went to dinner, made love.  The next day she drove off and we both cried.

When I saw her in LA 2 weeks later she was back to the raging demon.  She proceeded to tell the world on FB that she left an "abusive" relationship, that I was a sociopath, she had always been frightened of me because of "my rages".

I defriended her on Facebook and went NC for a year.  Nothing.  No calls, no texts.  Six weeks later, She moved again in LA, claiming she was sexually "harassed" by her male roomate.  I kept the NC.

Then three weeks ago, nearly a year to the day I last was in contact with her, several friends called me and told me she asked them to defriend me.  She blocked me.  She blocked our former therapist.  A good friend of hers was my acupuncturist.  She demanded that she drop me as a client.  When my friend refused to do that, she told her "Well then we need to take a break from our friendship."  A year later and she was enraged again!  Out of the blue.

I couldn't figure it out.  The only thing I could guess was there were pictures of me and my new gf on FB and someone tagged me.  I'm in a very adult healthy relationship.  I am finally happy.  She must have seen it. 

BPD is a very serious mental illness.  Don't kid yourself.  They are walking projection machines and you're the movie screen.  Only a year and a half later can I finally see the hell I was in.  I mourned her, cried over her... .but she had her replacement of me in weeks. 

There was no empathy, no compassion, no mourning, no loss on her part.  I was discarded like her three husbands, three boyfriends and two girlfriends before me.  We are objects to them.  They don't love.  They need.

They project all their crap onto us.  Then we begin to believe it. 

Walk away and don't look back.

After much time spent with an advocate, and group meetings... .I asked my ex to go see someone to help him unpack his baggage and address his addiction. That he could go alone without me there so that he could open up, get to the root, and start healing.

That I would do the same.

He said that 'shrinks scare him' and he's afraid they 'will get in my head and hypmotize him and play mind control games' with him.

Really, now, I am ready.

I am ready to work on me.

On how to forgive... .truly, deeply and completely forgive.

Like a child with a balloon... .I want to let it go and watch it disappear into the sky, never to be seen again.

Mindfulman's experience is very similar to what I went through.  The constant projection that I had to endure from my exBPDgf was draining physically and emotionally.  My exBPDgf also found a replacement within a week after she left me, she probably had found him before she left me.  She did the whole triangulation saying that I was abusive and had so much rage towards me that it felt like a demon was inside of her.  She went so far as accused me of stalking her, she even filed for a restraining order which was subsequently dismissed at the hearing three weeks later.  She told all her friends that they needed to block me on facebook etc... .which was fine by me because by that point I didn't need any more drama.  There was no compassion, no mourning, nothing from her when she left me.  I also mourned her, cried but she didn't care.  I was of no more use to her when she left me, I was discarded.  She had so much hate and anger.  Looking back two years later I'm in a good place and am glad she's long gone.  I'm also in a very healthy adult relationship and am happy.