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July 4th was a bad day. She woke up mad at me because the house was dirty accusing me that its all my fault. (I am the one who works) After I cleaned the house for 6hrs alone, She decided to drink with the neighbors son in law. As she was getting drunk she wanted to kiss me and touch me and was mad because I didn't want to. I just cant turn on and off my emotions and knowing it would be back to me being untouchable the next day. She went to the gas station to get cigs and while she was gone the neighbor asked if I wanted a beer. I said yes. This triggered something and everything went down hill. She broke up with me and threw all my stuff out of our bedroom into the hallway. Than accused me of reading her notebook which I didn't, but of course since it wasn't where she thought it should be then I had to have had it. She started yelling at me punching the walls she took my phone and threw it. I reacted bad. I hit her twice. I am not this kind of person and there is no going back. I moved out Saturday. I just cant take it anymore. I've been backed into a corner and all I could do was fight my way out. This is not healthy. I feel awful and miss her so much but of course the raging has not stopped and I am the worst person in the world. So I guess now I will be moving to the leaving board. I really wish we could have gotten help but of courses it was me who needed it and not her so help probably wouldn't have helped. I am so lost right now. Bouncing from place to place. I really wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything better. Make her see that I am only crazy because of her, but that will never happen and I am the bad guy. Right now I am taking one minute at a time, cuz thinking anymore than that is way to hard.

Thanks to everyone for all the information and support. I truly appreciate it.

My relationship ended because I drank a beer.

You are not alone. I am in the same situation and moved to the sheltor(last night was my first night alone). I am only one who bad, crazy, stupid. I am so frustrated because I do not know what he is going to do. I want cry, write letters to him. If our BP only was able understand that our craziness only they are reason. But we cannot change their mind.

Thankfully I have friends and family to stay with or I would be in a shelter also. I have nothing. Now I am starting over at 31. I just hope that one day she gets help and that maybe later on we can be friends still. We were friends for a long time.

31 is not too old buddy  :)

I am 56, and in a BPD relationship  :)

Don't give up - trust in God - everything will be just fine

May God bless