BPDFamily.com

I’m not even sure this is a BPD issue but would appreciate any thoughts and comments.

BPDw loves Instagram  & will regularly post 4,5 or 6 photos a day. She regularly enters competitions and does very well and now has over 1,000 followers. Obviously the majority of the followers are strangers which is ok in itself though we have had a few fights over this as she sometimes posts pictures of me or the children without asking permission. Personally I’m fine with facebook for personal pictures as the audience are personal friends and family. I’m not fine with an audience of 1,000 strangers

BPDw is visiting her mother who is in the latter stages of dementia and very very ill. Their relationship has been very up and down over the years. For many years I thought BPDw treated her mother very badly & was very impatient and dismissive.

However, there was a major falling out about 5 years ago to do with BPDw’s father’s past behaviour (sexual abuse though thankfully not BPDw) which came to light.  BPDw’s mother stood by her husband against her daughter (my BPDw) despite some truly amazing and appalling behaviour on father’s part both past and present. The family rift that followed clearly kicked along BPDw’s mother’s dementia which had already been diagnosed at that point. BPDw and mother were never able to have a lucid conversation after that and not helped by BPDw’s father interposing himself between the two of them.

The issue I have (which I haven’t said anything about) is that BPDw is putting pictures of her mother on Instagram with comments about how a mother’s love shines through everything and similar. They are very touching and heartfelt messages and BPDw gets a quite a few messages of support from her followers so it’s not all bad – losing a parent to dementia is very hard.

However, it still makes me feel seriously uncomfortable. It’s such an idealised version of a relationship with a mother who (in my view) seriously betrayed BPDw. The other thing is that for me to put pictures of your mother on Instagram with some deeply personal comments feels like exploitation of BPDw’s mother.

I’m not necessarily going to try and say anything or change anything but I’m struggling trying to make some sense of this & I really fine the whole thing troubling - any thoughts ?

I find that they always use others plight for their benefit.  My udBPDh had a friend who passed away last summer of complications from cancer.  They were friends in college, but more like acquaintances.  We went to college together, and I had never once seen them hang out outside of large groups at parties and such.  When the friend was in the hospital fighting the last leg, my husband would go up there everyday.  When he passed he cried (he's not a crier in general and I've only seen him cry a few times in 10 years) and even asked the guys best friend if he could be a paul bearer at the funeral.  The guy kinda blew him off.  I kept quiet, but I thought it was all so strange.  He would also post on instagram the few old pictures he had with him in it, or a post he had liked previously with long messages about it.  You would have thought they hung out everyday and were best friends from the things he was posting. 

They often use others plight to gain sympathy.  Your wife is probably getting likes and condolences from strangers on IG right?  This makes her feel better about herself.  It's not about her mother... .it's never about other people.  It's always only about them

It drives me crazy!

Just wait until she unfollows everyone.

You are right.

It is ALL about them.