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My uBPDh had a huge episode that was very uncalled for over the weekend.  He since has been apologizing and promising it will never happen again.  I feel so stuck in that I can't even speak with him honestly.  I just sit and listen to him apologizing and in the back of mind say "yea right."

I can't tell him how what he's done has disgusted me and I honestly need some space right now, then he'll go crazy and act even worse.  The first night he stopped and started apologizing I told him I need space and he just won't give it to me.  The only way to keep things "normal" with him is to let him apologize and hug and kiss all over me.  If I tell him how I truly feel he won't be able to deal with it.

The things he did this weekend (calling me names, yelling screaming, ripping my clothes, taking my wedding ring, gas-lighting me about ultrasound pictures)... .all because I was mad he didn't come home Thursday night (of course in his mind I had no right to be).  There have actually been worse episodes in the past, but for some reason this time I'm just having such a hard time "getting over it."  I've been keeping the peace so I'm not so stressed out (I'm pregnant).  But I find myself deep inside just getting so mad and stressed knowing this won't be the last episode.  It never is.

Hugs lilHurt.     

Rule #1:  Put your own life vest on first.

You are stressed out, what can you turn to to help destress a bit?  (friends and family are great starts - is there someone you can spend some time talking with?)

Which also means you might have to put up a boundary of needing some time for yourself, no matter how modest.  Just draw the line and make it happen.  Sure it might trigger another episode, but its the only way it will end the push/pull cycle that he is showing.

pwBPD often switch on and off much quicker than we do.  So while we are still trying to regain our footing, they've already moved on.  I have the same issues as you.  I can still be thoroughly confused and hurt by something she said or did,  but she will continue on in a few days like it was no big deal.  I remember one morning her going on and on about how she hates her life and wants to die and wanted me to kill her.  Two hours later, she was upset with me because I had not proposed to her yet.  I told her I could not think about marriage right then, because I was still to worried about the suicidal statements she had made that morning.  

In your case, be thankful you are getting apologies.  True apologies from pwBPD seem to be rare.  The most I get are apologies for her behavior or admissions that she was wrong, but never "I'm sorry I hurt you."  I'm guessing if you felt he truly understood how he hurt you, you would recover quicker.  

Keep in mind one thing - you have every right to feel hurt.  And you are under no obligation or time frame to forgive him.