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trying to condense this question without telling a whole story. I am walking my daughter down the isle on her wedding day. My uBPDw will not be attending the wedding. I want to be at the wedding but not the rehearsal the night before (will be a very uncomfortable situation for me with many individuals that I have strained relations with)

Also going to the rehearsal may trigger my wife's emotions possibly ruining the whole tone for my mental state for the wedding day. I don't think my daughter's feelings will be devastated if I don't go to the rehearsal, my dealings with others will be spared and also the possible trigger for my wife.

In my opinion I feel like, for me, considering the circumstances the best choice is for me to skip the rehearsal.

Any thoughts? Anyone been there done that?

 

Hi.  Without knowing a lot of the back story, where you are in what you are doing at this point in your life or what type of strained relationships you are referring to... .I can only add this.

My daughter recently got engaged.  I like him - so that's not a bad thing. But my (now) exwife and her new family (she recycled me pretty quick and had babies with someone else)... .as well as her immediate family (my ex-inlaws) will probably ... .without a doubt... .be in attendance.  And why not?  I mean, my daugher practically grew up with my ex-wife as her mom... .and her immediate family as a family.

I'm not looking forward to it in the least bit.  Talk about triggers!

But... .this day is for my daughter.  I will be there for her and do whatever I have to do to make it a happy day for her. 

(It sucks too... .cause I know I won't beable to partake in any celebratory drinks - cause god knows the triggers which will be popping off that day!  I need to stay as focused as possible and 'fall apart' later if need be).

All that is to say this - this is a special day for your daughter (including the rehersal) - I would meditate for like 3 days straight before going... .get hypnosis... .block out unwanted people from my head or whatever it took to be there for my kid.

Hope that helps.  Stay strong.   |iiii

My S23 has said he wants to elope... .that's whenever he finds the right girl.

I think it's a combination of my crazy ex-wife and my current uBPDw.  In the past (may parent's funerals... .about a year apart) I've taken the brunt of the abuse.  But my son is not dumb and I think he knows what he'd be walking into. 

I've come to realize all I can do is act appropriately and deal with the aftermath... .after.  It sucks, will my current (or ex for that matter) wife make my son's wedding more or less enjoyable?  Less.  But that's what I invited into our lives when I asked her to marry me... .

Thanks for the advice. I will try to make the best decision.

well, one of my reasons for not going to the rehearsal is so my wife doesn't trigger. So,

I get a text about an hour ago from my wife "I'm glad you aren't going to the rehearsal dinner".

There are so many other reasons I am not going but I think to myself how cold to say I'm glad you are not going. My wife knows of the other issues that are keeping me from going but It was like dumping salt into a wound. She's glad? If I say anything to her about the text being cold hearted I know she would say something to this effect "By glad I mean you will be spared the stress of being around all of the people you are uncomfortable around. How dare you think I mean it in a spiteful way you SOB. You f***ing suck, go to the f***ing dinner if you want" "you are an f***ing p***y".

She did ask why I didn't respond to the text but I was able to avoid giving an answer.