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I think I have reached a breaking point or a threshold or I may even call it an awakening out of my compliant state of mind I have been in for 3 years.

Many times the final straw doesn't have to be a big event or even "that abusive".

I call my wife today to see how she is doing. At the end of the conversation she asked me to let her know when one when one of my kids calls me or texts me. She didn't want to have to drag information out of me. All of my kids are 19 and up not living at the house.

What prompted that request was yesterday I got a text from my daughter in the late am concerning something, I thought I will tell my wife later on the phone or when I get home. Well she asked if I had heard from XXXX and I said yes, I was going to wait and tell you when I got home but this is what she texted me. My wife seemed "ok" with that.

back to today... .so I said per her request, I will let you know. Then I said I wasn't trying to hide information from you. Then I said you wait to tell me things later in the day or the next day. Then she yelled FORGET IT! hangs up on me.

Then the texts roll in how I screw up a simple request, just forget it you ass. then she texts I aint tellin you crap anymore and BTW that really hurt my feelings

I want to text back well I guess I am just a scourge on your life. This is mild to some of the past garbage but it hit me... .this will never end. I know she can control what she says because she controls it with other people close to her.

I want it to work but the true realization that I have to change has slapped me in the face harder today than ever before

I always found it so painful to deal with the disordered mind of my spouse.

Its not usual for them to react negatively violent to something that shouldn't even be an issue. My spouse (always wanting to be the center of attention) made a rule that no one should call our house phone anymore, they had to call his cell phone and he would run the basement with it to answer the calls. If someone accidentally called our house phone and I answered it, all hell would break loose!

It got to the point where I couldn't live with his abusive behaviors anymore and left.

Best thing I ever did for myself!  :)

now after the nasty texts I get a text asking me to go to the store. I said I will.

I get the whole list it come in several different texts. then she asks did you get all the texts I sent? I'm assuming about the food ( I never replied to her nasty texts)

I said yes I did, thank you

then she texts back I really wish you would stop saying things that make me  feel weird about you?

then she texts I really wish you would stop ignoring me? this is insanity!

I added the ?

Welcome to the wonderful world of BPD :).  What you describes is pretty typical of what I have experienced.  And yes, I agree in that this can be even more draining than the huge blow ups.

As an example, Last weekend was a HUGE blow up every day.  But for some reason, I let most of that roll off me.  And yesterday, we had a great therapy session together that felt constructive and positive as I started to understand what goes through her mind.  She basically apologized for her behavior, admitted it has nothing to do with me or nothing I can fix.  And then last night, I fell asleep on the sofa with her laying on me.  I woke up, and said I am going to go to bed.  She said "Okay, go to bed, I'll be right in."  I laid down in bed, and immediately fell asleep.  Some time later, I awoke to her screaming at me, because I left her on the sofa with the TV on and didn't wake her to come to bed, apparently because I don't care about her.  I said "You told me to go to bed and said you were right behind me, and I fell asleep before I could see that you had not followed me."   She was quiet after that.  But for some reason, I feel more upset by that than the screaming from over the weekend.