BPDFamily.com

I have experienced two nights of BPD trauma and drama... .I am exhausted with about 3-4 hours of sleep, trying to work a demanding job, trying to take care of the kids in the morning while she lays in bed grouchy and telling me how controlling I am (and that I hate the way she takes care of the kids and obviously hate her, blah, blah, blah... .), feed them something healthy, attempt to stabilize her as I find her "cutting" again telling me she wants a divorce, "and wants one TODAY [emphasis added], head to the office, field her calls during the day griping about me or informing me of the binge spending that occurred, coming home to a complete mess and planning dinner, balancing out her insecurities and emotional neediness toward me and our children while trying to provide some form of consistent love in their lives... .  I know I am whining, but I have no one to whine or complain to - I need to get it out and am thankful for these boards.  No one in my life understands the demands of my dBPDw. 

I'm sorry, George. That is totally unfair and crappy. Vent away! You deserve to get it out. I hope things improve soon for you.

hey George,

I hope you have found some time to sleep and take care of yourself.  This is very important.  How are things today?

George

I understand, you must look after yourself, attend to your needs - be 'selfish' for a change.

I use the AA phrase HALT - if you are Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired then you must attend to those needs before you can even consider anyone else

Hope things get better

Thanks everyone for the kind words and responses.  Today has been a good day for her, so that has made it a better day for me.  What is upsetting to me the most, and the irony at times, as much as I carry the weight of parenting and consistent nurturing for the children (who by the way are the absolute lights of my life), at the end of the day, when I get the time with them... .my nerves are so shot anymore from the emotional balancing act with her, and a stressful day at work, that I have been too short and irritable with my little ones.  Granted, I am almost ALWAYS the steady, consistent one, but lately, I do not even feel like myself, (I feel like I am acting like BPDw), short fuse, moody, and petty with a child... .this is NOT me, and has NEVER been me, so I am not sure, except lately, as I told a confidante, I am soo weary and worn out, numb, and just empty.  Has anyone else felt this way - acting out in a manner that seems so foreign?  Maybe more sleep will help - maybe I need to see a therapist again.  Thanks for listening... .

Yes - certainly felt like that. Sleep can help, although when stressed it can be difficult to get the sleep that you need. I find therapy a useful intervention from time to time. I also find it helpful to just 'get away' even if its just for a walk.

Hi George,

Yes, all what you said about how you feel seems familiar.  I certainly had so many sleepless nights, so I downloaded talking books to help me calm down and I find myself drifting into deep sleep.  One of my favorites is Ekhart Tolle's ones because it helps me balance myself by reminding me of the purpose of my life.