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Title: What I crave as a nonBPD... Post by: Crumbling on August 11, 2014, 03:29:37 PM ---the warm, gentle, safe feeling of not feeling any worry over anything, it's such a far away place right now, I'm finding it hard to describe----peace, I guess
---security ----- It would be nice to know nothing is going to piss him off and make things go all screwy and messed up. ----looked after ----- I wish I felt cared for. ---feeling important ---- I crave being as important as he is in the relationship. I really miss cuddling. Soo much. But I don't know if that's because I'm a nonBPD wife or an empty-nester mom your turn... .What do you crave? Title: Re: What I crave as a nonBPD... Post by: gtrhr on August 11, 2014, 04:01:46 PM In truth I crave many of those things you talked about too. I think for me is that a certain level of friendship and connection is the big one. A sense the person is invested in the relationship instead of seemingly one foot outside the door all of the time.
I just saw my uxBPDgf again this past weekend for the first time in a very long time. We've recycled enough times over almost 5 years so it's no longer the euphoric hopefulness I had in the past. It's been a long, emotionally challenging road. I've had emotionally fulfilling relationships before, certainly my marriage was in the past. So I know what I'm looking for. I have to look at what the relationship could potentially become and be very realistic about that. And I have been in the cycle long enough to know that once things start feeling really close to me, to her that will become too close for comfort and we won't be able to reach that next level. She's not in counseling and so that's been a persistent pattern. Yes, I crave for that pattern to change. But, it won't unless she saw it as an issue and got some help. Realistically I almost feel like I'm dating her so that I can have a less dramatic closure - or possible things could work out in a way that is good enough. I actually left her due to some very dramatic circumstances on several occasions. She would deny it but she forced me out. It's all just her "saving face" so she never has to be the one responsible for the decision. I used to think what I wanted was marriage but I realize now that I need to protect myself, my assets, and my sanity. That said, it's better for me right now to have her in my life than out of it with no hope whatsoever. I hope for a peaceful six months, perhaps see each other and talk enough for the chance of a real friendship to grow. |