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I broke it off with my exBPD 2 1/2 weeks ago- NC for 2 weeks. His number is blocked from my phone, as well as social networks. He is still attempting to call ( been able to leave VM- even though blocked) driving by my house, sending LONG emails from 3 different email addresses he has created in case I blocked his original one, sending flowers, leaving notes on my door, car, showing up at my church, parking down the street -then ringing my door bell, now he's using a spoof call app- using another person's number to call me ( only reason I know is bc I was with the person whose number he spoofed to call me) Im becoming angry bc I have ended the relationship and he thinks its ok to just continue this behavior.

Ignore him.  As soon as you break no contact his bad behaviour is being rewarded.

If you think he is a threat, get a restraining order.

Good luck.  Stay strong

If you want to get rid of them you have to out them. Tell him that you think he has BPD. Out him on all the things he did. Make him face his own behaviour and let him know you have him figured out.

Most BPDs will paint you blacker than black for doing this as they are unwilling to face the truth. Also there is a slight chance that by doing this you will get them to seek the help they need.

If you are not willing to do this then it may take a while for them to move on. They will eventually give up but you have to be consistent and not give them any reason to feel you've changed your mind.

Ya.   I told mine I thought he was a BPD and send him info on it and everything.  I had to do it. I just realized that I could not take another recycleing.   He has split on me twice and each time its been such a night mere. I really didnt want to do it but its been so obvious he has a problem I couldnt denie this him or myself anymore. Its sad for me because im still hoping he will contact me again which in my opinion is sick of me.    Its like my higher self is the one who decided to tell him to protect me because even if he comes back I know the mean ness wont stop.He doesnt know what hes doing and he doesnt want to know, he wants to convince himself that there is nothing wrong with him,  which is quite a stretch ,but this just shows how far long he has been in this state of denial. A long time.  Hes talked about killing himself or feeling like it several times but claims he wont this would hurt his family so wont, and has burnt himself with a cigarette claiming some alien intruder did this to him. He really believed this< that was cherry on the cake.    I told him parents about the suicide talk and they ignored it. I was the crazy one,  well I am now.  Its been hard telling my thoughts on his behavior but I had to do it. Im sure I am blacker then black now. to him,   the truth is Im white like a prisim with a big spectrum of beautiful color. As painful as this has been I know I need this space with him out of the picture in my life if im ever going to heal from this.

I don't agree telling them they have BPD for a couple of reasons. The symptoms may worsen and they may find it offensive being told they are mentally ill. How would all of us feel if we we're told we're mentally ill? 60% of people diagnosed with a mental illness don't believe they are mentally ill. Every person with BPD is different and have different levels of self awareness. Their reality is as real to them as ours is to us - really stop and think about that. It is a part of their personality.

If they are suicidal call your emergency services - take jt seriously. Have professional people trained to deal with it handle the matter. Don't take it on your own.

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts. (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0)

Take care of you in NC. A pwBPD is in emotional arrested development. Think of a small child - a toddler flailing against a parent's boundaries. You will find many many instances in the r/s where boundaries were disregarded or ignored. As many attempts at contact - we must uphold our boundaries.

Eventually they will get the message, it's frustrating I know. It can take a long period of time. Your boundaries will be tested from time to time. For example, I set a boundary with my ex to not call my cell. Unless it was an emergency for the kids. She understood it. She would call from time to time. I just let it go to voicemail and reply if warranted by email. I kept at it. After a period of a few months. She stopped. It's not to say she may not test it again. If she does X I will react with Y. It gets better.

If you really want rid of them though why care if their symptoms worsen? Not the nons problem, particularly if you have put up with their more than offensive behaviour for a long time. Maybe it'll result in them getting treatment, but probably not.  I honestly don't care if I 'offended' I just wanted him gone with less chance of bouncing back.  Like you say, most don't accept they actually have a problem anyway.  Being pleasant makes them think you may actually be available in the future.  I am not sorry I did that this time around, 3 weeks of NC, whereas the first time around I was bombarded with unwanted contact, despite ignoring it. It appears to be the only kind of 'closure' they accept.  

How would we react to being told that we are mentally ill?  We'd probably also realise that is a person we don't want to spend time with and move on.

 

I agree her insecurities are not my problem. What do I benefit with spite or malice?

NC is a tool to disengage and detach not a weapon. I tend to my own issues and I don't worry about her insecurities. Her issues are hers, I own mine.

During the 9 years that I was with my xBPDh we split up lots of times.  Usually it was him that ended it.  Then after a couple of days I'd get the flowers, begging and stalking behaviour.  Stupidly I gave in and took him back every time.

The last time we split up, it was for good.  He didn't contact me.  What was different this time?  He had a replacement!

I would bet any amount that once your ex finds somebody else, he will stop trying to contact you, (for a while anyway).