BPDFamily.com

I got a text yesterday asking me "are you seeing your girlfriend today?" Preceeding this text there were other texts that had nothing to do with anything going on in our relationship but other issues that we were dealing with concerning another problem. We did have a communication issue that morning but seemed to get resolved.

My response to the text was yes her name is (inserted my wife's name) and we are going to have coffee together.

I am assuming this is her insecurity for everything that is going on with her. I believe she is on the verge of reaching out for help. Over the past week she has told me things she said she has never told anyone. Abuses in her childhood (talking mid teens) by relatives and siblings. For those of you that pray please pray for my wife. God knows her name and I believe she wants help but something is holding her back from reaching out. Thanks for reading. Some days I think I can't take another day but then she tells me something like this and I think no wonder she feels the way she does, no wonder she has built the defense system she has built. I still have hope that God will show her the way to freedom from her past.

Hello byfaith, I have had the same comment made to me for no good reason. The funny thing is I have played along and revealed that it was her just as you have done (exactly the same comment at times). pwBPD must feel insecure to an extreme. They must feel silly when acting out in this way... .but the payoff with our affirmation must be worth it.

My BPDgf has told me about abuses in her young life. They traumatise me. I live it with her. I feel very badly for this. I feel it helps them enormously to have someone who understands a little. Who will listen and who will validate. They have every reason to feel like they do. Some people are going to have a lot to answer for.

The absolute horror of these experiences. I agree it's no wonder these people have ended up with a severe mental disorder. I don't question it. I only wish there was a way to heal from it. pwBPD are broken. I keep hope alive... .for the people in my life with BPD and your wife.

A prayer has been said for your wife. I trust it was received in the good spirit in which it was offered. I hope she is able to find comfort in your love and is able to move forward.

Peace to you.

I wonder if you are married to an ex of mine :)

This ex would say the same thing to me. "Are you going to visit your other girlfriend today?"  I thought she was kidding for awhile.  But then she would describe my "other girlfriend" and claim she saw my other girlfriend in a "vision", claim she smelled the other woman's perfume on me (it was my deodorant - I eventually quit wearing deodorant so that I would not get these comments).  According to her, she was blonde and young and quiet and wholesome.  She's say, "when you have sex with your other girlfriend be sure to use a condom."

And I think she absolutely 100% believed this fantasy.

Now my current fiancé has done similar.  She will just randomly ask if I have other women (but not insist I have one).  And when she is distraught, claim I should be with someone else who is younger, more stable, blonde and wholesome.  Weird that two women would claim that I should be with a blonde, younger, wholesome woman - but maybe that is a clue to what is going on.  My feeling is that both my ex and my fiancé hate themselves, think they are worthless, think they have no business being with a guy like me, and create this "ideal" woman (the woman they wish they were) as the woman I must be with. 

It's soo very frustrating!

I know it's a feeling worthlessness. It's sad. She asked me last week if I ever thought of divorcing her just so I could have a normal life, she was sincere, of course I answered no. She has said other times that I would have a better life without her in it.

I have learned some lessons in the last few years on how to answer certain questions.

What she told me yesterday breaks my heart for her when I think of her as a young girl (like I said mid teens). How bad she wanted love and acceptance and approval from her father and brothers and was degraded instead. I guess those thoughts perpetuate throughout life until it gets dealt with. It seems she is at the point she wants help but I can't "push" it. I can only hope

I can so relate to what you are going through.  My BPDw accuses me of having an affair with every woman I talk to.  She often tells me my life would be better without her and I should go find a woman that would treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I reassure her by telling her that I am where I want to be... .that I choose to be with her... .and that I will be by her side through whatever obstacle life throws at us... .However, it never seems to be enough.  She too was sexually abused in her early and late teen years.  Grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and a mother that suffered from depression which turned into a hoarding issue. I know this has effected her through her entire life and it is only now that it is being uncovered in therapy that it is being dealt with.  I try to be as supportive as possible, but the constant up and down, push/pull that the BPD displays makes things very difficult.