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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: LettingGo14 on September 04, 2014, 05:06:39 PM



Title: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: LettingGo14 on September 04, 2014, 05:06:39 PM


Hello Leaving Board --

This is a tremendous community of members, and the Leaving Board has helped so many people process the pain that follows difficult and broken relationships.   I wish I had a magic wand to relieve suffering -- but the closest wand at hand is the collective wisdom of the people who journey together here.    Whether we are still engaged in relationship, gingerly navigating limited contact, or fully embracing no contact, we are trying to heal ourselves, and move forward.

I would like to ask each of us to reflect for a moment on where we are, and to contribute to this thread one piece of wisdom that you return to again and again in your healing process.   All I ask is that you make this piece of wisdom about you, rather than your ex-partner.   

Here's my contribution:   

I've never been much of a "things-happen-for-a-reason" person.  And I'm definitely not after my relationship. But, I am now a big proponent of this maxim:  "it's not what happens to us, it's how we relate to it."

It does not take away the pain.  It does not take away the anger.  It does not take away the confusion.  But, it does give us agency.  It gives us ownership.  And, ultimately, it helps us reclaim ourselves.

Others?


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: freedom33 on September 04, 2014, 05:08:39 PM
I like one that goes like this "we don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: LettingGo14 on September 04, 2014, 05:15:33 PM
I like one that goes like this "we don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."

That's a phenomenal one, and here's how I translate for me.   I missed (or ignored) red flags because I so wanted the relationship to work.  And, when the relationship ended for good (after cycles and re-cycles), my pain distorted my memory of my ex-girlfriend -- highlighting the good, and increasing my sense of loss.  I also spent way too much time pondering "loss" and "replacement" and "abandonment."   Why?  Because it's where I was.

We start where we are, and we grow from there.   My perspective has changed completely in my 6 months of active participation here.   Thus, the facts of my situation remain the same, but my perspective on what happened is completely different.

Thank you.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: amigo on September 04, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
not very original, I know, but my main mantra is "detachment is freedom". (see side bar  :)) I have not achieved it, but am working towards it every day. I also try to meditate to help with the journey toward this detachment. I mediate on " I am peaceful" or, as suggested on this site, "may I be healed".


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: LettingGo14 on September 04, 2014, 05:21:21 PM
not very original, I know, but my main mantra is "detachment is freedom". (see side bar  :)) I have not achieved it, but am working towards it every day. I also try to meditate to help with the journey toward this detachment. I mediate on " I am peaceful" or, as suggested on this site, "may I be healed".

Thank you, amigo.  Completely on target.   Detachment is a process, not a switch.  And, by meditating -- especially with mantras -- we can re-wire our thinking, engage the stages of detachment, and set ourselves free.

Gracias.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: honeysuckle on September 04, 2014, 05:24:03 PM
A lot of their hurtful ways of dealing with the end of the relationship was not about you but about them.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: LettingGo14 on September 04, 2014, 05:25:04 PM
A lot of their hurtful ways of dealing with the end of the relationship was not about you but about them.

Exactly honeysuckle.  Thank you.  We own our side of the street, not theirs.  That brings a sense of relief and release.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Mr Hollande on September 04, 2014, 05:38:28 PM
Not as zen or whatever as my main mantra "I mourn what I hoped it would be but I don't miss what it actually was" but  sincethe request was for one with focus on ourselves and where we are now as opposed to the ex's:

Resentment is a friend who urges me to keep marching away.

We own our side of the street, not theirs.

That's good. I like that one. To my perception not a million miles off one that keeps repeating in my head on a semi conscious level: What's mine is mine and you are not part of it anymore.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: LettingGo14 on September 04, 2014, 05:45:14 PM
Resentment is a friend who urges me to keep marching away.

Thank you Mr Hollande.  It's interesting that resentment is often a big part of recovery.  We can use resentment (or anger) to establish healthy boundaries, as long as we remain mindful that anger (or resentment) can also be like taking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: freedom33 on September 04, 2014, 05:49:33 PM
We can use resentment (or anger) to establish healthy boundaries, as long as we remain mindful that anger (or resentment) can also be like taking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.

Research has shown that people with secure attachment styles when something happens in the rs they feel anger more strongly than people from the other 3 attachment styles (insecure, anxious, avoidant) but they can hold it together better and as you suggest above, use it to constructively confront their partners and put healthy boundaries in place.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Mr Hollande on September 04, 2014, 05:58:56 PM
For me anger and resentment feeds the determination needed to get things done. It can be slow burning or explosive. It is exhausting but that's always the result of any physical or mental effort. It helps gets the job done so to speak. I have a big engine on me and very rarely forgive or forget which over time turns into contempt. Contempt is less exhausting but works just fine for maintaining boundaries.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: freedom33 on September 04, 2014, 06:07:59 PM
I agree that anger can and should be used effectively to maintain boundaries and more generally to act. It's a masculine Yang energy so to speak. However if it's not dealt then and there and remains unresolved my understanding is that it transforms to resentment which again if unresolved transforms to contempt. Resentment and particularly contempt is an insidious feeling that I wouldn't want to have to work with. It's pure poison.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Mr Hollande on September 04, 2014, 06:31:15 PM
If by being dealt there and then you mean I should have acted out my anger the moment my ex told me about her "new love" and how I didn't matter anymore then I did do that. To her satisfaction as she just chuckled when I exploded. It was a futile exercise. A few hours later after so much anger that I felt light headed I'd gained some composure and decided enough was enough. I've never contacted her again and the several attempts she's made at this or that have been rejected either by a firm no, the phone put down in silence or no reply what so ever to her numerous FB messages. It has been a very effective tool for removing myself from HER poison. Without it I would have plodded on with my hopeless love for her. The one that forgave everything and thought we'd one day be happy together.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Mutt on September 04, 2014, 06:54:39 PM
You have a right to feel angry. It is a grieving stage. You may cycle through different stages out of order. You may go through the same stage more than once. I went through the anger stage twice.

I forgave mine and I let it go. I maintain my boundaries and am the voice of the kids if she severely steps out of bounds. I haven't forgotten the dysfunctional behaviors.

Holding unto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Mr Hollande on September 04, 2014, 07:19:08 PM
I will never forgive mine. Over time I'll be more indifferent to her but I will never forgive. That is not who I am.

Then I'll drink the poison to remind me of who she is so I can stay away from her.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: biglearningcurve on September 04, 2014, 08:11:09 PM
M T said to me yesterday that it was OK to feel more anger towards my ex and his behaviour as it was not serving me well excusing him because of his BPD.

The best piece of wisdom I have read on these boards has been a post by '2010"... .

In the beginning it felt almost holy - like I had finally come alive and found someone that shared the earth who understood me.

But then I realised that this was only mirroring and a ritualised, systematic, fraudulent manipulation.

That summed up my relationship and now I am pulling the pieces back together again.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: caughtnreleased on September 04, 2014, 08:19:09 PM
We can use resentment (or anger) to establish healthy boundaries, as long as we remain mindful that anger (or resentment) can also be like taking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.

Research has shown that people with secure attachment styles when something happens in the rs they feel anger more strongly than people from the other 3 attachment styles (insecure, anxious, avoidant) but they can hold it together better and as you suggest above, use it to constructively confront their partners and put healthy boundaries in place.

Thanks for this, I find it very interesting.  I have recently practiced channeling my anger towards communicating and then enforcing some firm boundaries.  It worked, not because the person decided to respect my boundaries but because once I had sufficiently communicated my boundaries, I felt absolutely no regret or guilt enforcing them very firmly.

My insight for this thread would be that generally, when we connect with someone who has BPD, we connect because we have a mutual fragility.  But two fragile people need strength in order to truly be together... .I think nons tend to think we are the strong ones who can save the fragile (BPD) one, and can take the abuse.

But we are blind to our own fragility... .and the relationship with the BPD kind of reveals it to us.  For me, I thought I was so healthy, and strong, and brave and I didn't need someone to look after me. I longed to rescue my poor BPD.  I've since realized I was lying to myself and now understand my own fragility.  The experience with him catapulted me into a healing process... .but seeing myself as I truly am, someone who is perhaps more fragile than the norm, was difficult. But better knowing myself allows me to better recognize what kind of a relationship I am looking for.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: goldylamont on September 04, 2014, 09:00:44 PM
Great topic LG14. A quote I love by Maya Angelou really resonates with me--it's not actually a direct quote, but is advice she gave to Oprah Winfrey when she was struggling with an emotionally abusive person. Best advice I've heard:

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: myself on September 04, 2014, 09:21:40 PM
"If you can think about a situation, you can deal with it.

The big struggle is to keep your head clear enough to think."

-Richard Pryor.



Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: kc sunshine on September 04, 2014, 11:08:22 PM
Understanding why a S/O with BPD (i.e., my ex) might split someone black (me) when triggered helped me understand what was going on. I learned that from this board and it was so helpful. Other pieces of information/advice that were really helpful was the notion of extinction burst and the advice to "lean in" to the emotions. Those were all treasures-- life rafts-- that have helped me enormously through this painful process. Thank you BPD family!


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Fluff on September 05, 2014, 01:36:25 AM
I think mine is the first rule of "Surviving the breakup": "1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness".

For so long I imagined meeting the one would bring me the happiness I withheld from myself. Once I met one that I clicked with I blocked out the red flags.

Today, I'm trying to live as if I'll be alone for the rest of my life, without excluding intimacy. I try to grow, challenge myself and have fun. New stuff to me.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Lolster on September 05, 2014, 02:21:47 AM
I'm in quite a good place at the moment. When i first met the BPD i was still in the fog from my marriage breakdown. With hindsight i played 'the rescuer' in my marriage. The reality was that i was scared of my husband before i even married him and leaving became a physical risk to myself and my children. That was 7 years ago and i maintain very LC with him due to our child.

The BPD came on scene a year after. I felt something was off and ended it promptly. Bpd returned recently and i considered the fact that maybe my instincts hadn't been fully functioning the first time, and i maybe hadn't been fair to him and given him the chance he deserved.

One thing i have learned from both of those relationships is to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, they are usually right.

Looking back i now see that the BPD mirrored what i was still wishing my marriage had been, and he tried to step in and play the rescuer who could give me that perfect happy ever after. However, meeting the BPD again 6 years later, showed me he was still stuck where i'd left him whilst i had moved on. He was still mirroring what he'd seen the first time we'd met. This time around it was blatantly obvious that he was the one who needed rescuing.

I'm pleased to say i did trust my instincts even faster, and will continue to do so. If it doesn't FEEL right for me then it's NOT right for me.



Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Lolster on September 05, 2014, 03:00:00 AM
I should add that mine is more of a 'staying healed' mantra than actual healing. But that's where i am.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Recooperating on September 05, 2014, 03:21:07 AM
For me there are 4-5 quotes I keep reminding myself off:

You can't fix, what you didnt break.

This is because I still feel guilty I couldnt "fix" him.

That is up to him... .

Actions speak louder then words

The love bombing phase was a bunch of words, no actions. I was in love with words, empty promises, mirroring, all a lie... .Therefore I was in love with a lie.

Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

To remind myself another recycle will lead to the same crap... .

Mindgames; there's no game of chess if the pawn refuse to play.

Dont play his games, stay NC no matter what.

What other people think about me, is none of my business.

Paint me black, tell your friends what a *** I am. I know the truth and thats all that matters!

Your opinion of me will not define me.

And then the one about me and where I want/try to be... .

I choose to self-love

Rather than self-loathe

I choose to create for me

Rather than critize myself

I choose to blossom

Rather than break

I choose to flow with life

Rather then feel floored by it


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: kc sunshine on September 05, 2014, 09:24:06 AM
Here's another great piece of advice from the board that I read right now, from Reforming:

"What are your needs? What do you need from a partner and a relationship?

Learning to recognise your own needs, to value and express them in a healthy way can put your relationships with them and others on a much healthier footing."

I'll work on asking myself these questions this week.

One of the things that comes to mind about what I'd need is the ability to talk frankly and not "walk on eggshells." Right now it is striking me as unfair that she got to wear combat boots with spikes on the bottom in our conversations and I felt like I had to tiptoe around on eggshells. How did I let that happen-- both her combat boot stomping and my tiptoe-ing?



Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: LettingGo14 on September 05, 2014, 09:27:00 AM
This is good stuff.  Thank you all for sharing.  

We want to heal.  We want to move on.  And, the way out is through (and together).

As I said, I wish I had a magic wand to release each of us from what we suffered.  But, absent a wand, we have each other.  We don't need to marinate in pain alone.   We put one foot in front of the other, and we reclaim ourselves.

I just realized this was my 700th post.  Hard to believe that 7 months ago I felt like an addict curled in a corner waiting for another fix.  I truly have a much different perspective now, with much thanks to everyone here.  


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Tolou on September 06, 2014, 07:08:11 AM
this is what I learned. sometimes doing  what I know is best  for me doesn't always mean  that it's going to feel good but that dles not mean it is wrong. though walking away from this relationship was one of the most difficult things and choices I have had to make in my life Imade a healthy and rational choice and put me first after months of neglect towards myself. it's okay for me  to say no when something or someone else is not right for me and don't have to judgemyself for that. sometimes doing what's best won't always feel or look like it is in the moment but trusting my own instincts Will usually guide me in  the right direction.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: hard2say on September 06, 2014, 07:41:38 AM
The best revenge is living well.   

... .


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: workinprogress on September 06, 2014, 08:14:35 AM
One of the things that comes to mind about what I'd need is the ability to talk frankly and not "walk on eggshells." Right now it is striking me as unfair that she got to wear combat boots with spikes on the bottom in our conversations and I felt like I had to tiptoe around on eggshells. How did I let that happen-- both her combat boot stomping and my tiptoe-ing?

Thanks for the vivid description of what I went through on the eggshell bit.  She could say whatever she wanted to say to me.  Meanwhile, if I even made a physical movement that she didn't like I would be criticized for it.

On the other hand, if I even made a suggestion to her about anything I would receive the silent treatment or withdraw of affection.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: topknot on September 06, 2014, 08:57:58 AM
To quote a song from Pink: "Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold ~~But there's nothing to grasp, so I let go"... .Allow someone new to be honestly wonderful to you, and be able to accept it, realizing you truly deserve it.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Pingo on September 06, 2014, 09:55:54 AM
Great topic LG14. A quote I love by Maya Angelou really resonates with me--it's not actually a direct quote, but is advice she gave to Oprah Winfrey when she was struggling with an emotionally abusive person. Best advice I've heard:

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

This is my quote to live by. I wish I had listened!

About myself,   I have  learned that our bodies are where our pain is carried and that is where we need to go to heal, get out of our heads and into our bodies. This is where the wounded inner child who needs love and healing is.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Saskatchewan on September 06, 2014, 11:01:53 PM
Hi everyone

           I think one thought that helps me to calm a bit  is simply " Do not take it personally "  our ex's are disordered. How can we hold it against them ? Would it be ok for me to be angry at my brother for being schizophrenic? Should I hold it against him when he rails and rages at the voices in his head ? My brother didn't ask for mental illness. Neither did our BPD ex's. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.  When I've figured out how to get to a place that I'm not angry about it though... .I'll let you know. Peace.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Tibbles on September 07, 2014, 03:40:12 AM
For me what has helped me to let go and stop re cycling the relationship over and over and over and ... .is I read somewhere that when the relationship becomes broken as ours had

"you have become his/her trigger"

that rang so true for me that I realised even if I tried to get things back on track it was doomed to failure. I have to let go and let both of us heal and move forward, no matter what that looks like or how things turn out. It is time to let go, so I have.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Turkish on September 07, 2014, 10:21:42 AM
It's not my job to make or keep someone else happy.

It's not my job to make everything better.

It's not my job not to make someone else angry.

It's not my job to parent a grown child that wasn't my own.

My job is to be me.  :)


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Mr Hollande on September 07, 2014, 11:51:20 AM
The bad things that were done to make her that way, it wasn't me and the bad she did to me, I didn't deserve it.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: fromheeltoheal on September 07, 2014, 12:29:58 PM
I found bpdfamily when I was using Facebook, and immediately noticed the difference.  Although a lot of crap went down with my ex on Facebook, the rest of it was crap to me too, and then we come here and we get honesty, truth, compassion, wisdom.  I'm no longer on Facebook, and being here isn't about my ex anymore, it's about you and me, and I'm good with that, if you are.

So mine:

Everything happens for a reason, and it serves us.  My borderline, and borderlines in general in my opinion, have survived evolution and are here on the planet for a reason: to motivate those of us who are susceptible, pain being not the only but the best motivator, to grow as we heal, evolve, mature, increase our awareness.  A friend of mine says we either party or we ponder, meaning when life is going well we just go with it, when it isn't we dig for answers.  The digging I've done in the last year, and the growth it has inspired, has been profound, I've gotten over humps I've been working on for years, and I'm grateful for the opportunity and motivation the relationship provided.  Sometimes teachers come very well disguised.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Saskatchewan on September 07, 2014, 12:44:43 PM
 :light: Another that helps to soften my stance on my BPDexgf is  - "They are desperate, not selfish. Also needy, not greedy."   We need to recognize that they have very little control over the condition.


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Elpis on September 07, 2014, 01:16:59 PM
Mine has to be the words from my T that "We can only have hope for the things we can change about ourselves, anything else is just wishful thinking."


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: amigo on September 07, 2014, 04:26:52 PM
I found bpdfamily when I was using Facebook, and immediately noticed the difference.  Although a lot of crap went down with my ex on Facebook, the rest of it was crap to me too, and then we come here and we get honesty, truth, compassion, wisdom.  I'm no longer on Facebook, and being here isn't about my ex anymore, it's about you and me, and I'm good with that, if you are.

So mine:

Everything happens for a reason, and it serves us.  My borderline, and borderlines in general in my opinion, have survived evolution and are here on the planet for a reason: to motivate those of us who are susceptible, pain being not the only but the best motivator, to grow as we heal, evolve, mature, increase our awareness.  A friend of mine says we either party or we ponder, meaning when life is going well we just go with it, when it isn't we dig for answers.  The digging I've done in the last year, and the growth it has inspired, has been profound, I've gotten over humps I've been working on for years, and I'm grateful for the opportunity and motivation the relationship provided.  Sometimes teachers come very well disguised.

What a wonderful, conciliatory statement fromheeltoheal. Your name is so appropriate  :)

I too have learned so much from this experience and also was so surprise to find such genuine and caring people online. 


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Loveofhislife on September 08, 2014, 07:48:42 PM
My T has been telling me throughout my divorce, the death of my parents, and near death of my son by suicide (not to mention the onslaught of NPD/BPD's in my romantic life) that I MUST learn to love and attend to the "real me": my true self. Tonight, inspired by Rifka, I wrote my true self (as I now understand her) a letter.  I believe it's the start of a relationship that far exceeds the thrill and excitement of pwpd's, and I believe that by integrating and becoming a whole person (one day at a time) I can better fend off the vampires who I continue to be drawn to:


Dear True Self:  I feel like I have defended you for much of your/our lives while you have enlivened and textured me.  I have been protective, esoteric, and perfectionist while you have been my risk taker who loves life and all that goes along with living:  laughter, tears, passionate love, dancing, high-risk anything.  You are the true adrenalin addict while I have been the workaholic, straight A "BORING" person who makes you long to be heard and seen by others like you.  You have been a dominant force in my life (my operating system) while I have raised three children (two with substance abuse disorders) and one who is more like my false self: the conservative one. You love everyone--especially those who you feel are unloved, impaired, and misunderstood.  You are truly the softer side of me:  playful, loving, and carefree. Instead, I, my false self, took on the world to include caring for a weak former spouse, many "at risk" business ventures and lost causes, two college degrees, and two parents with Alzheimer's in addition to three children and the menagerie of animals you love so much.  I'm afraid that I forgot all about you.  Most times I didn't notice you; I didn't listen to you; and I definitely didn't hear you.  I was too busy as "rescuer" saving the world, as I knew it, to pay attention to you.  I gave birth to three who not only could see you but who loved me because of you.  You are the fun one.  And when my/our children want to get mad at me, they always see you inside.  So did he (exbfBPD).  I need to apologize to you.  I'm really, really sorry.  When your three playmates were gone (my three children) and their Daddy (who loved you too); I left you alone with someone who was unable to love. Yes, he was fun and playful, smart and beautiful like our other three, but he cannot love or be loved.  I missed my three so much that I'm afraid I endangered us.  I was able to take care of myself and keep him at arms length until you fell in love with the little boy who never felt truly loved.  We knew, just like the other strays we brought in--you were able to tame the ones no one else could; that he too would be healed by your tolerance, patience, and love.  You're stubborn too.  You wouldn't give up.  I know you're mad at me, because you believe I chased him away and hurt his feelings.  And the thought of my punishing him (making him accountable) makes you even more scared and angry with me.  You heard your voice through him; you saw yourself (perhaps for the first time) through him; and now he is gone.  I am not.  I will not leave you.  Together, we are a force to be reckoned with.  People love me, because they see you.  I love you more and more each day, as I now see you. Please forgive me.  I promise to be fun.  I promise to laugh more.  I promise to take you with me everywhere I go.  I promise to listen to you. And I promise to pay attention to you--you are more important than any job and any lost cause.  I promise to work on being your new favorite playmate:  forever. Love, me.  


Title: Re: Crowdsourced Wisdom of the Leaving Board
Post by: Mutt on September 08, 2014, 08:21:19 PM
I'm so sorry Loveofhislife for the difficult things you have endured in your life.

Excerpt
Together, we are a force to be reckoned with.  People love me, because they see you.  I love you more and more each day, as I now see you. Please forgive me.  I promise to be fun.  I promise to laugh more.  I promise to take you with me everywhere I go.  I promise to listen to you. And I promise to pay attention to you--you are more important than any job and any lost cause.  I promise to work on being your new favorite playmate:  forever. Love, me.  love

Your letter moved me. Thank you.