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So I am in the process of looking for a new place to live.  While still living with my XdBPDgf we made one rule to follow until the households are seperate.  That rule was to bring no one over.  For one because it would be super awkward and hurtful and two because we both have a child.  That would be super confusing for the youngest one.  

So this past Saturday comes along.  She's actually in a good mood and I was as well.  Then she drops the bomb on me around 2pm that afternoon.  That she's been talking to a girl and she doesn't want to hurt me but this might be her chance for happines... .etc... .  Then she finally says Well she is a chef and gets off at 12pm and wants to drive straight here (the chef lives 3hrs away) and make me breakfast and watch the sun rise.  She asked if I could go to my sisters or somewhere because she didn't want Ms Chef to think she's chosing me over her.  Nevermind that I also had to uproot my son as well.  I just couldn't believe how selfish she was being.  So I leave and my son and I spent the night at a friends house.  That morning she sent me a text to come home.  That nothing happened. That she couldn't.  She said that she wasn't where she thought she would be emotionally.  That she didn't want to lose me.  All the while I'm thinking What the heck? (I almost think her chef ditched her)  Then she curls up on the couch looking all wounded and hurt.  It was all I could do to stop myself from going over there and holding her.  But I am proud of myself for not.


So things are even more awkward in the house now.  I can't wait to find a place... .

There is no logic in their behaviour, so don't even try looking for it.

You protected your child and you did well for yourself too by not giving in.

You can be proud of yourself!

Im sorry your going through this. It is hard. I moved out when I split up with my exgf to avoid any awkwardness. The 3 weeks before I moved out though where truly horrible. I don't know if she has someone else yet but she didn't when I left her so I was fortunate enough not to have to deal with what your having to deal with.

Its just another part of their BPD, the lack of empathy. They don't understand the hurt they cause you as they get on with their lives as if you where just an old acquaintance. Maybe this is their coping mechanism. We are only ever acquaintances as that way they don't have to emotionally invest in something they know will fail.

Enjoy the time with your son and build your life back up around him. One day when your not looking the right person will come along and this will all have been just a bump in your lifes journey.

I am actively searching for a place to move too.  I'm just running across a few bumps because a lot of the places will not allow my dog.  And I am not giving her up.  The move is going to be hard enough on my son and I.  Plus the dog is family as well. 

It's just hard for me right now.  She did that to me this weekend.  Then says that she would rather be alone than not have me?  All the while she still texting other people that she's ensnaring into her web.?  I just wish I had paid attention to the  red-flag  when I first met her.  But I pushed those feelings aside because the connection that we had was so intense. 

:'( :'( :'(

Hey seh!

sounds intriguingly similar to the stuff my DH went through with his son's uBPDm some years ago. Everything's about FOR. I can only imagine what you're going through now and I'm sending you my best wishes. Keep your head up. She doesn't even see the necissity to be considerate about your feelings. There seems to be only one important matter to her right now: her happiness (white). And then there's you, trying to give her a hard time (black). There's just nothing in between, and neither will you be able to take her point of view, nor will she be able to see yours. So just try to take care of yourself and the baby and try not to feed the drama. I can imagine how hard this is, esp. if you live with that other person.

Will you take the child with you when you leave?