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Title: Silent Treatment... Post by: gomez_addams on September 21, 2014, 06:02:34 AM The only good thing about the silent treatment is that I get a break from the criticism and verbal abuse.
I think I'm going to try to practice the validation a bit more once the wife's silent treatment comes to an end (usually 2-4 days). I know there's a ton that I can do better. The one thing frustrating me right now -- more so than anything else -- is the criticism and passive-aggression. I'm kind of a high validation type of guy. Reading these pages keyed me in that folks like me fall for girls like her because in the initial stages we get all sorts of validation. I was a rock star/super hero in the beginning. She gets me so angry/upset, and right now the best I can do is simply stay calm and stay quiet. And it seems like any time we're in a car, that's when she lets me have it. She saves the worst when we're on the road, and there's no way to walk away. Fortunately we live on a 600 sq mile island, so it's not like we're driving NY to LA... .LOL. Being in a car is rarely for more than 10-15 minutes. Is the best move, when I feel myself getting angry/upset/emotional to simply bow out of the (usually one-way) conversation? I know JADEing is the wrong thing to do (but boy does it feel good to fight back sometimes... .) She tries to egg me on. She ridicules me for wanting to take a walk to cool off. Thanks for any advice. Title: Re: Silent Treatment... Post by: formflier on September 21, 2014, 07:13:43 AM She saves the worst when we're on the road, and there's no way to walk away. Why is there no way to walk away? I understand that the car would have to be stopped for you to safely get out... .but other than that... .is there a reason? She tries to egg me on. She ridicules me for wanting to take a walk to cool off. Thanks for any advice. So... .it is liberating to understand that she will try to egg you on and then berate you and ridicule you... . That's her pattern... .really has nothing to do with you... .other than you feel a bit stuck in the pattern right now. What would happen if you don't participate in letting her egg you on anymore... .? Title: Re: Silent Treatment... Post by: gomez_addams on September 21, 2014, 12:53:46 PM Why is there no way to walk away? I understand that the car would have to be stopped for you to safely get out... .but other than that... .is there a reason? I guess you have a point. Excerpt What would happen if you don't participate in letting her egg you on anymore... .? The silent treatment started last night. So I have all weekend to read up on the tools, and the cycle will start over again on Tuesday or Wednesday. I'll keep posting, and let you know how it goes (with not participating in the egging). Title: Re: Silent Treatment... Post by: formflier on September 22, 2014, 07:03:10 AM So I have all weekend to read up on the tools, and the cycle will start over again on Tuesday or Wednesday. Suck up as much knowledge as you can... .and post here about the things you want to change... .or not "participate" in. It is key that anything you attempt to put a boundary on... .that it sticks. You are much better off to let another cycle or two go with no changes than to try to do a boundary and cave in... . This is a critical point... . What actions do you think you can change... .that will change the cycle... .improve things for you... ? |