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My BPD hubby and I have been together for 11 years. In the last 6-8 months, we have had a very difficult time. Apparently I "crap on people's souls" and hold the title of the "most selfish narcissistic person on the planet." It's amazing that I have time for all this with my job as a fifth grade teacher too!  lol

Anyway, hubby went on a rampage and pulled his paycheck out of our joint account now! He says "I'll make sure all the bills get paid!" You can sense my concern considering I have been the one to pay all the bill for the last 11 years. I explained to him that he can take over managing the joint account since we have so many automatic deductions from there. No. That is not good enough. Apparently he had already jumped the gun without talking to me about it. Of course!

Shortly after this tantrum, hubby had to be taken into the ER because he took too much of his medication (ambian and valium) and drank with it. I knew this would happen and voiced my concerns to his doctors months ago, but I am just a teacher... .what do I know. Ugh! Well hubby is in a AA program now and medication has been changed to hydroxyzine.

I tried to bring up the whole paycheck thing again yesterday to no avail. If anything, I started to see a relapse at just talking about it. So, does anyone have any suggestions as to how I should handle this. Keep in mind, we do have a 7 year old.

 

I had a similar thing happen in my r/s (relationship)... .

In my case I was lucky enough to have guaranteed income coming in that I didn't see any way for real financial damage to my family... .as in... no food... .no electricity... .loosing the house we live in.

It has caused some damage with some side businesses.

So... I had the luxury of not having to pick a fight over money.

Step 1 is you have to evaluate what the potential downside is of letting him do this.

If financial ruin is in the picture... you must act to prevent this.

Now... .deciding exactly how to act is a different story... .

So... if you can think and post back about what happens if he messes up this paycheck/billpaying.

Luckily I have my own paycheck coming in too. We will see how the bill paying goes. I am upset over not discussing important decisions like this with me first. I don't know that he will ever get it, but his family and I have had discussions with him about this. I hate feeling like I need to protect myself all the time.

Hi wearywolf,

Is his paycheck direct-deposited into that account?  Are you fearful of him possibly pulling out all the money at some point in time?  Are your living expenses coming from your paycheck, his or both?

I don't have all the details obviously, but from what you've mentioned I'd seriously consider opening up a new account of my own that H doesn't have access to.  I'd get a list of account numbers from various utilities, credit cards, car payment etc and keep a close eye on those.

Bad credit can ruin the rest of your life if it gets out of hand.  Do you have joint credit cards?  How good is he at handling/managing money? 

Protect yourself at all times.

Sorry to hear about him overdosing on his meds/alcohol.  Must be a hard time for you.  How's your daughter doing?