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Title: A nice reminder that the work we are doing DOES help Post by: Cat21 on September 21, 2014, 01:56:26 PM My uBPDh and I are both professional musicians. My H has a rather important (big) gig this week and it has been a major source of anxiety for him over the last few months, and in particular, the last few weeks. He has terrible performance anxiety (we all do to some extent!) and no matter what others tell him, he always doubts himself and refutes compliments. It's bad enough dealing with performance anxiety, but the double whammy of major insecurity that goes with BPD + the PA... .it's not good.
Anyway, needless to day, I know how my H feels as I, too, deal with PA. However, I also know there is no such thing as perfection and the true joy of performing comes from sharing my gift with my audience. He doesn't necessarily feel that because the BPD gets in the way. In the last few weeks, he's been doing his typical freak out dance: claiming to feel unprepared, swearing he can't adequately perform certain passages, and projecting what every audience member will think and feel about him. I've been validating and reassuring him that he will be just fine; day after day. He tells me that I don't know how it feels and then comes up with another doomsday scenario as to why he will ultimately fail. Well, a few moments ago, I accidentally (while cleaning) stumbled across a note he had sent to his sister It said, "I am very nervous. But, Cat21 (me!) has been very supportive and that really helps. I'm getting wonderful encouragement... .now I just need to believe in myself." Success! This is the first time in 10 years he has EVER acknowledged my support in this vain. It may not have been directly to my face, but he said it. And I believe it. Why? Because I've been more validating about this issue this time around than I was before. So, it's really nice to see that these tools work. :) Title: Re: A nice reminder that the work we are doing DOES help Post by: hope2727 on September 21, 2014, 03:58:56 PM Thank you for writing this it gives me great hope to hang on and just see what happens.
Title: Re: A nice reminder that the work we are doing DOES help Post by: formflier on September 21, 2014, 09:22:32 PM So, it's really nice to see that these tools work. :) YES! Thanks for sharing... . Title: Re: A nice reminder that the work we are doing DOES help Post by: rockinne on September 22, 2014, 06:33:53 AM It's very nice to read positive posts of progress. It's especially good that you have been such a help. Gives hope
Title: Re: A nice reminder that the work we are doing DOES help Post by: ColdEthyl on September 22, 2014, 05:18:13 PM YAY I'm so happy for you, Cat21! Sometimes we all need to remember that even if they don't say it to US, they might still think it/tell others!
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