BPDFamily.com

So we had a great week.  Friday was lunch and we went and had a good time.  I asked her if she was looking forward to vacation and she said no that I wasn't going.  I said that I completely understand and that I wanted to go also (she made sure I couldn't during her 6 weeks of no contact) but that I wanted her to go enjoy it and have fun with the kids.  I started to deal with some emotion (being cut out of the vacation) and got quiet for a bit, and when she asked why, I told her that it is hard because I wanted to go and be with her when I saw it bothered her (didn't want to trigger abandonment fears).  We discussed (at her request) what God is showing me regarding our relationship and it was fine until then.  She then started to argue about stuff and pretty quick when I saw it was not going in a good direction (she started an argument that I was only doing things the past week to have sex with her which is ridiculous when I made sure that for several nights at her house I did the dishes, took the kids to get what they needed from the store as she was in horrible pain, took time off of work to take her to the ob/gyn as the pain stems from a ping pong ball size cyst in her uterus, drew her a bath for relaxation and only had sex once),I decided to take a timeout.  I told her that this conversation wasn't going anywhere and that I was going to go home and do my homework and would meet her at our daughter's game.  I never argued with her and tried to SET with her feelings and it didn't work.  She said I was avoiding the truth and I said, no, I refuse to argue.  She said it was time for me to go and I agreed, and left.  I got down the street and realized I left my laptop.  I went back to go get it and she wouldn't open the door and said she wasn't giving it back.  I said I needed it for my schoolwork and she said "tough s&it".  I said, ok, so I left not wanting things to get worse.  Got to the game and figured she would have settled down and brought my laptop.  She didn't and realized I was back in the silent treatment.  After the game she came over to the bleachers and sat down waiting to take our daughter home and I said, "Hey I will be glad to talk about things when we can act like adults, but that I need my laptop back as I had homework due that night."  She said that there was "interesting information" on there and she was going to keep it.  I said that I'm not going to listen to that and that there was nothing, but I needed to leave, and I need my laptop back and I expect it back this evening."  She said, "Nope".  I got up and left rather than create a scene.

     Saturday, I texted her and asked very nicely for it back and she asked why I had searched for "ways to hide an affair" and "how to spy on someone's facebook messenger" and "wives with BPD".  She texted that she "now has enough evidence to make a permanent decision about her life".     Whatever, that is BPD speak... .I know the affair and messenger stuff looks bad, but I told her that I searched for that during the 6 weeks of no contact because I thought she was.  She knew that is what I thought then as we talked about it.  But I think where she is really upset is the BPD stuff.  Anyway, I told her I was stopping by to get my laptop and when I stopped by, she said that she wasn't giving it to me and that I needed to leave her property and I may have to get it from the pawn shop if she runs short on money this month.  So I haven't contacted her again and she hasn't either, but I'm going to have to drop my classes as I don't have my laptop.  She has removed me from her friends list on facebook again and she has now told her family I'm having an affair.    I've done nothing wrong, and have not thought about anything or anyone else (and won't) other than fixing our marriage since our split.  She is mad because of the BPD sites I have been on and trying to cover. 

Sorry you have having to deal with this. I know I was just trashing the police for their handling of my situation, but have you thought of calling the police and filing a stolen property report?

I learned long ago with my wife.

1. erase everything immediately.

2. never do anything I don't want her to find on our home pc.

   - I do all my research and messaging on my work pc - if she hacked into my work pc she would be thrown in jail awfully quick.

3. anything I can't do on work pc - do on phone, but refer to number one rule - erase everything.

4. send her on wild goose chases.

   - I have told her I read stuff on internet about BPD, how to handle situations, and stuff - I tell her all sorts of other sites I use, but not this one. She would read through every single post on the entire site to figure out who I was and what I was saying.

They are very paranoid, make crap up, and will do anything to get to your private things.

Considering we are married and its considered "community property", not much they can do.  SHe is looking for a way of control and to snoop on me as all the ways she had are gone while she was dysregulated and silent for six weeks.

Then is your house still community property? If so the police should at least let you in the house to get some of your things.

Again, I did not have much good to say about the police for me. They were not very helpful.

No, she got another house (rental) behind my back in July after a big fight (moved out August) and I am in my own apartment.  it is a long story and split since August 1st and silent treatment till about three weeks ago... .