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After a discussion the other day, she's gone silent. I've sent a couple of texts, one about a song, and the other a drunken love letter. Normally she would have replied telling me that I "can't say that". But nothing. I'm worried. If only in the narcissistic sense of enjoying her presence in my life. She has allegedly been through a lot recently, will she come back?

Hang in there Christoff.  I am going through a similar situation with my bf.  Perhaps your conversation triggered her. If that is the case, try giving her a little space.  I am slowly beginning to learn that they sometimes need space.  When my pwBPD dysregulates, it is pretty much like dealing with a child.  It is hard, because rationally, I know he can not handle certain things when he like this.   On the other hand, my emotions sometimes take over triggering my own dependency issues.  I am worried if he does not call, he does not love me etc.  Your mind starts racing and preparing for the worst, which leads to  having a lot of anxiety.   

She text me today telling me that her phone has been turned off for a few days, no kisses, she's obviously a little p***** at me. I'm just gonna leave it. I know that even if we don't speak she eventually comes back. I just don't want to get permanently blacked. I've noticed that when she leaves I get more obsessed, I want to be in control, know she won't go. When she left the last time I was in a constant torment, I just couldn't get over her or it. Most of my posts on here are from that time.

I am worried about the same thing, shes REALLY pushed me away, got into this relationship with someone else, but I'm still ploughing through. I know I'm just gonna get tired one day and not bother with her anymore... which is probably when she'll fall madly in love with me again haha

I'm telling myself that it doesn't matter, I get nothing from it, that she's horrible to me. Yet theres just something that makes love her.

I gave my bf a few days to get his "space."  I got good advice from Indyan, to text him something that will not trigger him. He has been responding slowly.  Today I got two "I love you" texts with smiley faces.  I believe giving him his space validated his needs.  When I texted him after a few days,  it showed him that I still was there for him. My bf does horrible things too, but I have accepted that this is the illness.  Once I accepted his illness, it released a lot of my anger towards him. I realized that I do love him despite his illness. I do have some issues with his "selfishness," but those are my own dependency issues. 

I just wish she could see and understand how much I've done, the journey I've gone through since April, to try and help and understand her and her illness, but she won't even acknowledge it exists unless she's drunk and depressed. I understand that. But I've had one text, obviously angry, and I don't deserve it. I guess too often I treat her and expect her to act like a normal person.

I'm not angry at her, sometimes I get angry at how she treats me, but that is because I see more between us than she does? I mean obviously theres love there, but Its buried beneath disorder. I'm just gonna take it slow like you say. Don't push anything. She's in a lot of emotional anguish right now, and rather than being there for her, I have to be away from her.

Thank you  |iiii

I think some pwBPD do realize how you are there for them.  It is hard for them to actually admit that they have a problem. I am assuming when your gf acknowledges her illness,  she is in a vulnerable state. I agree that we do not deserve a lot of their crap, but this is the caveat to being in a relationship with a S/O who has BPD. We need to adapt to our role as an emotional caretaker, deflecting their behaviors and learning to effectively communicate with them.  You can still be there for her, but do it at a slow pace from a distance. It is like the saying, "you need to help yourself before you can help others."  I know it is easier said then done, but I am slowly working on myself first.   

She is alright with me now I think. She replied last night saying she'd listened to the song I sent her - (John Taylor - Pull you through). I haven't replied, I don't think she wants me to either so I'm just leaving it. I think we're at the state we normally are, like a rollercoaster... we don't speak for a while, then lots of contact... then back to not speaking much. She's definitely not my gf right now, hardly an ex, its a weird dysfunctional relationship that we have. But yes I do need to help myself, and if I do that theres also a chance that I won't be helping this girl. I don't know what I want right now. I used to be strong, yet this girl makes me weak. It's like this one girl gets under my skin and won't leave.