BPDFamily.com

So, this has been occurring for years now. But, at least when she was still going to therapy herself and we were still going to therapy together, the T would keep it somewhat in check. Now that it has been about 3 years since she last saw a therapist--and still swears she never will go back to one--the frequency of my wife's denial of her own issues (clear matching on almost all criteria for BPD, even if self-assessed) and her implicit and explicit diagnoses of my alleged conditions have increased.

Of course, the actual diagnosis she gives me can change from time to time. Right now, she is mostly locked onto Aspergers for me (LOL. Thanks, "Parenthood" TV show). Other times, she claims I am narcissistic. Then other times, it's just that I have an extremely bad temper, way worse than average--which is simply a ludicrous assertion.

Anyway, I have generally just been ignoring these kinds of things, as I know that directly challenging them would do no good whatsoever. Generally, I just let her get it out, and then I eventually steer the conversation back to what I believe the real issue is. However, it is getting really old. And I also don't like the direction these beliefs have been taking her behaviors.

Any thoughts or experiences you all may have with this type of thing would be appreciated.

Thanks.

Welcome to our place, lashed to the cosmic wheel.

You're doing better than most if you can steer the conversations.

All we can do is Validate their feelings, Boundary their behavior towards us, not JADE, use SET statements, manage our own expectations, and take care of ourselves.

My uBPDw is now referring to her ill behavior as "ball-busting" and steadfastly refuses to entertain the notion of therapy.

Well, partners generally do have their own issues. Being a non with a BPD partner definitely doesn't mean we are in any manner terribly skilled at healthy relating. No need to take on labels that you can't in any manner relate to; but there is a time for our own sober analysis of our own blind spots.

Also... .if nothing else, out reticence and dismay at being diagnosed helps us to empathize with what it must feel like for them to be the identified patient. they find it just as annoying and upsetting as we do.

My wife diagnosed me with Narcissism and eventually BPD. Narcissism based on the fact I would not give in every time and would stand my ground. I also refused at times to agree that her behavior was okay so I became a know-it-all. After a while, right before she left, she got around to saying I was Borderline. I think it was projection, to be honest. I know it is frustrating and hurtful.