BPDFamily.com

 If I imagine being sent out to space in a capsule that just floated or orbited around the moon, I feel like I would be the loneliest person in the universe. That is how I know I have a fear of abandonment.

It is hard to imagine though really being in outer space looking down at earth as a little ball in space, and to actually feel like you are there for eternity.

At some point in my life I know this would not have scared me though.

We often talk about the abandonment issues of a pwBPD.

We talk about our loneliness and isolation within a RS.

How do we visualize how a pwBPD with abandonment issues relates to loneliness?

I visualize it as some sort of anger or emotional upset... .so they would not look relaxed.

This assumes the pwBPD really feels they are lonely... .or will be lonely due to something they have attributed to a "non".

That's a good question. I suppose I would say a hermit might avoid getting into relationships because of abandonment fear, so I believe after a long period of time when they imagine themselves being a cat lady, they feel the inevitable loneliness closing in.

On the other hand, someone who lived their entire life in turmoil and had BPD as someone who is over 30, if they feel frustrated, unappreciated, tired, anxious, all while being overly emotional they will definitely start feeling like they are 2 inches tall. Like nobody in the world understands them. Like it would take a really special person to know what they feel inside. So the feeling of not belonging anywhere, or lacking a sense of self, all this while being misunderstood, is probably the loneliest place for a pwBPD. This is majorly affected by being abandoned so many times and by their great waterfall of emotions were never reciprocated so that was conceived as caring much less for them as they cared for others.

I would like to hear more about this, especially with quiet acting-in and high functioning.  Any understanding I can gain is helpful.  Thank you!

No one understands me+often impaired feel for what  a real feel for what empathy is+insular thinking+a life time of reiforced rejection due to BPD traits=extreme isolation/fear/abandonment/hopeless/desperation/depression/bitterness towards the world.

How would you escape from this equation when you have impaired emotional regulation?

Going back to shellbent's post. Not only are you lost in space but you are screaming and no one can hear you. All the while the rest of the world keeps on spinning without you. You are an outcast, an alien.

So how come my ex is capable of making connections with people and me not so much? Why do I feel like the alien? She sees everything on a sliding scale. Her view varies based on her emotional state. I would say it is a tricky kind of nice. She gives and pleases people, but only the people she wants something from.

Seems like she isn't aware of BPD, but she must know she has problems.

I know I do and I try to work on them, I try for this not to affect my regular social interactions. (also it is hard to face this because before meeting her it seemed like I had no problems) I know I become co-dependent and for that reason I shouldn't be in a relationship. While she says she has a rs addiction, and needs to be alone, but when it is too much to bare and she is probably also ashamed, she "falls" for someone else. Except now she forgets about the rs addiction and believes that she is attracted to him because of the type of person he is. So from what I can tell she eases her guilt by saying this is the guy she has been waiting for.

Seems like the same all over again. Actually a lot can be derived from the way our rs went down. You can most likely bet, that just as the dynamics were with them and us, it most likely is the same way with the replacement.

Think about how love felt for you when you were 13-14 years old. Multiply that and you have the powerful rose-colored glasses some BPDers are addicted to.

She really isn't "connecting" with anyone. She's hitching her wagon to a fantasy. And you are right... .the replacement's rs is probably the same, and will end the same way.