BPDFamily.com

I finally spoke to my uBPDbf today on the phone.  I was shocked when he actually called me, since he has not spoken to me on the phone in almost a month.  He moved 2,000 miles away from me to get help and be close to his family.  During our 2 hour long phone conversation, he kept asking me to move out there.  We have had a conversation before about this, via text, where I told him it would not be a good idea.  Today he kept pressuring me to move out there. He kept telling me that he misses me and wished I was next to him. He said this about 10 times. I explained that this would not be feasible due to my obligations and life here and I understood why he wanted me there.  He kept saying that he moved out here for me and I should do the same for him.   I was actually proud of myself for saying no.  I hardly ever said no to him before.  Now I am doubting myself and feeling selfish for saying no. 

You're not selfish, it's just hard when we spend so much time being selfless and getting nothing from it. We build ourselves to be martyrs to validate our pain so when we do something that we know is right for us, everything inside us screams that this is exactly the opposite of how we've been coping with everything prior. It will take some getting used to. I'm 6 months removed and still not there... .

You're not selfish...   even talking to him after what he has done makes you golden. Don't move.

I understand what you are saying. I suppose I am relating this as if it is a "normal" relationship; mutually giving and taking. With that perspective, I could be considered selfish for not validating his needs.  On the other hand, I have constantly invalidated my own needs.  I guess that is the conundrum of relationships with pwBPD.